


Sealed With Red Wax

by writerwords9



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Renew Anne with an E, Romance, Shirbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 89,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerwords9/pseuds/writerwords9
Summary: Continuing from the moment the credits began to roll on 03x10, this story begins with the rest of Anne's letter to Gilbert and follows them through the building of their new relationship. Lots of fluff and also tackling the same social justice issues that the show did :) Diana and Jerry try to figure themselves out...Cole just might find love...and we figure out what is happening with Bash/Mrs. Stacy. Also, Ka'kwet's story is explained and finds resolution! :)
Relationships: Cole Mackenzie/Original Male Character(s), Diana Barry/Jerry Baynard, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix/Muriel Stacy
Comments: 162
Kudos: 332





	1. Chapter 1

Staring at her own reflection in the silvery mirror in front of her created a sense of belonging for the first time in Anne’s life. Her creamy skin scattered with freckles was not her own, but her mother’s. Her scarlet locks were the same shade that her father had painted on her mother’s likeness in the back of the book she had spent her entire evening pouring over. As she glanced down at the blank page in front of her, she began to write:

_September 1, 1899_

_Dear Gilbert,_

_I look like my mother…_

_Those fantastical words were so unfathomable to me when I woke this morning - many things that happened today were - and yet, now I can write it with not only confidence, but evidence. Oh, how wonderful to have the fates finally smiling down on me! Once you left for your train, tearing my heart out and taking it with you, Marilla and Matthew came running through the garden with one of the most stunning books I’ve ever seen in my life. I could immediately feel it calling to me as Marilla held it out, begging me to open its brittle old pages to reveal a most unexpected inscription. Under the title, “The Language of Flowers”, was penned a message I never would have dreamed in a million years that I would read: “For my Bertha, So you can share your love of the natural world with your pupils. Love Always, Walter”_

_My mother was a teacher._

_How my heart sings to know that I am like her in so many ways! Marilla and Matthew have given me their lives, and now they have given me my own as well. Tracking down a previous guardian of mine from when I was only but a babe, they somehow managed to rescue this book from old Mrs. Thomas and bring it to me. My mother had written notes in the margins, all of which I have read twice by now, and my father even sketched a portrait of her showing her flaming red hair to match my own. To know that I share her features and passions is beyond wonderful, but to know that they truly did love each other shatters my soul and pieces it back together instantaneously. They didn’t leave me because they didn’t want me; their death separated them from each other as much is it did from me. I still somehow feel the deepest despair when I think of them, but now also a most dazzling elation. It is quite confusing and I believe I will be pondering it for some time, in between classes, trying to make sense of these wild feelings that are overcoming my mind._

_Speaking of wild feelings, here are my follow up questions for you:_

_1\. How long have you had these feelings for me? In all fairness, I don’t know if I am capable of answering that question myself, as I have been your friend for so long and I’m not sure the exact moment when it crossed over from comradery to romantical in nature. I do believe it was subconsciously trying to make it’s way to the surface of my heart for quite some time. However, I only just admitted it to myself (and Diana) days before leaving for Queens. It was your question at the bonfire that lit the flame inside my soul, giving those feelings the heat they needed to break through the barrier of my stubbornness._

_2\. How did you end up attending U of T instead of going to the Sorbonne? I do hope you are happy in Toronto, although I’m sure it pales in comparison to Paris. I would love to hear the story of why you changed directions, quite literally, and hope that it is what your heart truly wanted to do._

_3\. Was I your first kiss? You were mine, and perhaps it is unladylike to admit that it was superior to anything that my very vivid imagination could have ever conjured up, but that’s the truth of it and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I am already counting the days until I can be in your arms again. Since Toronto is much closer than Paris, I suppose I will be grateful. But just barely._

_4\. Will you promise to write me weekly, at least? I am so intrigued by what your schooling will be like, not to mention I simply enjoy hearing from you. The arrival of your letters has always given me such jolt of exhilaration, and now I am able to recognize what that sensation was._

_Before I go, I must confess that when I saw your letter in my room that fateful day, I tore it up in a fit of rage, something I’ll admit that I am too familiar with, and then threw it out the window to be scattered amongst the field. I tried piecing it back together, but obviously got the message very jumbled which caused me to believe you didn’t have feelings for me. Running into Winnie by chance is the only reason I now know - well, other than your kisses - that I was gravely mistaken and almost ruined our future. Diana explained that you never received my letter either, what a sequence of disastrous events! I simply wrote that I was sorry that I was confused before, but now I know...I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. When I found out you left before we were able to speak, I truly felt the weight of the truth that love doesn’t conquer all and it crushed me. How wrong I was, and how thankful I am that it evidently does, in fact, conquer all._

_Please let me know any countering follow-up questions you may have, and I swear to respond to them honestly and not to bash you over the head with my answers._

_Your Amorous Penpal,_

_Anne_

Placing the cap back on her fountain pen, Anne smiled as she slipped it into the special drawer she had designated for the pen and paper in her desk. She folded the pages once, twice, then gently tucked them into the envelope she had prepared with Gilbert’s address, which he had slipped her before he left in a hurry earlier that day. She reached into her mother’s book and delicately extracted a red poppy from one of the pages about wildflowers native to Scotland, slowly sliding the flower into the envelope for Gilbert to admire. Sealing it first with a kiss, then a blob of melted wax, she smiled as she watched the crimson wax drip from the candle onto the crisp white paper. It felt like such a grown-up action, writing to her love and sealing it with the fancy metal seal Marilla let her keep; the same one that they used to seal her letter to Scotland, which eventually led them to find her new favorite book.

Anne blew out the candle that was sitting on her desk and quietly crept over to her bed, trying not to wake Diana as she stumbled across the now dark room. As she climbed into her new bed, in her new room, with her new roommate sleeping next to her, ready to dream of her new love, waking to attend her new college in the morning, she couldn’t help but stifle a giggle. How her life taken so many wonderful new turns in only one day, when her entire life had so far seemed to be nothing but the same suffering over and over again, she wasn’t sure. Letting the warm feelings rush over her and enjoying the sensation, Anne tried to decide what word would best fit her mood at the moment as sleep nipped at the edges of her mind. With one last half-asleep giggle, she decided on the word “blithe” and thoroughly enjoyed her own little joke as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for reading everyone! This is only my second fic ever! I appreciate the kudos and comments, it really means a lot to know you are enjoying reading as much as I am writing. Fair warning, there is a very brief mention of suicide in this chapter, no description (and never will be in future chapters, although maybe another reference to it). I also changed the rating to T.
> 
> You wouldn't believe the hours I put into researching medical school curriculum in 1899 haha! I have learned so much and enjoy the research almost as much as the writing. Information rabbit holes are my fav! If anyone has any requests of what they would like "answers" to since I'm writing this as a replacement for the non-existent season 4 (although I have signed the petition to get it renewed and you should too) then just let me know in the comments!
> 
> Happy reading :)

Gilbert tapped his foot impatiently under the heavy wooden desk in the Biological Building’s lecture hall during his anatomy class. The ancient professor had been droning on about the basics of the skeletal system for two hours straight, a topic Gilbert felt he already had quite a good grasp on anyway, and was currently going over class time by six minutes. Normally he would be thrilled to have extra time in a lecture, soaking up every drop of knowledge the professor splashed in his direction. Today, however, was his fifth day at the University of Toronto and the post would be arriving any minute, if it hadn’t already. Calculating that the time for a letter to arrive in Toronto from Charlottetown took five days, and hoping that Anne wrote to him immediately the day he left her there, he planned on heading straight for the mail to see if a letter was waiting for him as soon as the professor decided to dismiss. 

“Ah, I see Mr. Floyd has checked his pocket watch three times now,” the professor muttered as he looked at Gilbert’s classmate over the top of his spectacles. “That must mean I have gone over and we should dismiss.” The sound of chairs scraping against the wooden floor echoed throughout the lecture hall as the students stood up and began to collect their items. Shouting out last-minute assignments, the professor shook his head back and forth at them all as Gilbert impatiently swept past his classmates, trying not to run.

Cutting through Queen’s Park to reach the Student Commons as quickly as possible, the trees around him began to blow in the breeze as though they were cheering him on in his dash to his room. Gilbert had always been able to feel Anne’s presence; even if he couldn’t see her he would know when she entered a room. Her energy was a force that could pierce his heart no matter how far away she was, and he swore that he could _feel_ her letter was there. Running up the stone steps, no longer able to slow his pace to keep his dignity intact, he pushed through the heavy door and headed straight for the woman sitting behind the mail counter.

“Excuse me, I’m expecting a letter,” Gilbert said, breathless from his quick journey.

“Name?” the older woman asked, turning around to head towards the tiny square shelves that held the already assorted mail.

“Blythe, Gilbert Blythe. It would be from Charlottetown, PEI.” He tapped his fingers on the counter, fidgeting as he waited for her to complete her search.

“Sorry,” she said, “there doesn’t seem to be anything for you. The post is late today, perhaps you would like to wait? It should be here any minute.”

Gilbert’s shoulders fell as her words sank in. He had so much studying to do, even only five days into class, so he truly didn’t have time to sit and wait for the mail no matter how desperately he wanted to. Thanking the woman as he turned, he started walking towards the door to head back to his room. As soon as he reached for the shiny handle, the door swung open and an already exasperated postman was startled by Gilbert, causing him to drop his bag full of mail.

“Oh! Pardon me!” Gilbert exclaimed as he bent over to help the man pick up the dozens of letters that were now scattered across the floor. 

“It’s perfectly fine, young man. If I hadn’t been running late, thanks to my lazy old horse, I wouldn’t have run into you just now!” He was grabbing the last of the letters as a scarlet red seal caught Gilbert’s attention. The color of red was deep and beautiful, the letter “C” stamped into the middle of the wax. He let his hopes rise as he quickly reached out to grab the letter and turn it over, revealing the handwriting that had caused his heart to beat as fast as it was right then many times before.

“This is for me!” he said too loudly. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he calmly stated, “I mean, it’s addressed to me, may I take it?”

Giving him a knowing look, the postman simply nodded his head and winked, astute enough to recognize the look a young man gets on his face when he receives a letter from his love.

\----

Lying on his bed, Gilbert read Anne’s letter for the third time in a row. The first time he devoured each loop and line of Anne’s handwriting, imagining her delicate hand sweeping across the page as she eagerly wrote these words _just for him_. Although they had written to each other many times before, this was different. There had previously been hidden messages trying to reveal their connection, “I often wonder where you are now” and “thank you for finding me”, but never had he expected to see the words “I love you” written by Anne, directed at him. The feeling in his chest that always appeared when he thought of her was heightened by those words declared multiple times in her letter. 

Jumping up from his bed suddenly, he rushed over to his desk and searched for his pen and paper, filled with the desire to immediately respond to her letter; schoolwork would just have to wait, he wouldn’t be able to focus on it anyway. Sitting in the creaky old wooden chair, his breath was short and his pulse was quick as he put his pen to paper:

_September 6, 1899_

_My Anne with an E,_

_I truly cannot even begin to describe how happy I was to receive your letter today! I had hoped you would immediately write to me since I was not able to get your address the day I left you in Charlottetown. Knowing that you were as excited to write to me as I was to hear from you means a great deal to me, thank you._

_Where do I even begin? Reading of your parents is something I never thought I would do, as I’m sure you never thought you would write about them. I could feel your joy in each word; know that I am rejoicing with you. There is no one in this world that deserves to have such wonderful news as much as you do. I cannot wait to see the book next time we are together, if you would be willing to share it with me. I hope you bask in the delight of such a life-changing discovery for some time, soak up every bit of happiness that should have been yours from day one. Is the pressed flower from your mother’s book? I have placed it on my desk so that the exquisite shade of red will catch my eye while I study, making me think of you often and giving me the fortitude to continue lest my number one academic competitor gets the best of me!_

_In answer to your questions:_

  1. _I almost stated that I have loved you since the moment you cracked that slate over my head in school, but that wouldn’t be true. I believe I truly loved you from the first time I saw you in the woods. Something in your soul cried out to mine and although we were too young to know it, I think we were linked together then. I may not have allowed myself to feel it, I was terrified of your rejection, but looking back I can see it has been with me since then. No one in my life has ever challenged me the way you do! No one has ever fought with me, and for me, in such a manner that I had no choice but to fall for you. It was inevitable, I would never have been able to stay away from your force. No one can, Anne...I’m just lucky enough to have somehow received your love in return, something I still don’t understand how I accomplished._
  2. _I was only able to attend the Sorbonne because of Winifred’s father’s influence, so when I told her I would not be proposing because my heart belonged to another, I lost that connection. Thankfully, Ms. Stacy had a friend at U of T and was able to quickly find me a spot in the admissions, for which I will eternally be grateful. I will admit that I only ever started a relationship with Winifred because I was convinced you would never return my affections. When things are uneasy, it is difficult for me to keep myself from trying to make things better again as quickly as possible. I foolishly rushed to Winifred and in the process hurt her and you, leaving myself as the scoundrel that caused the unnecessary pain. If you have taught me anything, it is that sometimes running from the pain is not only unwise, but might also cause me to lose something that I would only receive from facing it head-on. She was a friend, but I never felt the same tightness in my chest around her as I have always felt even just thinking of you, much less being around you. I never knew what it was that I felt, or perhaps never wanted to admit it since we were in such a constant competition and admitting my feelings first would have felt like losing. How silly my actions were. I promise to not withhold from you from now on and will be forthright with my feelings, as best as I can. Please be patient with me as I navigate them, I am not as skilled at being a captain of that ship as you are._
  3. _Yes, you were my first kiss as well, and my intention is for you to be my last. I will never forget the moment I could see it in your eyes as I walked up to you standing on the porch, that you were on the same page as me, that we were finally reading the same book, and I had the permission to show my love for you. I only expected to come to you to try and explain things in the few spare moments I had, I never expected you to be so open and willing. So when I saw your face, I could do nothing else but take it in my hands and press my lips to yours. The distance between us hurts even more because I now know how soft your lips feel against mine, but I am willing to feel that pain as payment for the memory I have of our kiss. Don’t ever fear being unladylike with me, I prefer your honesty and forthrightness to every other female I know that seems to think it’s important to hide their true selves. Well, other than Mary. She was as bold as you are, which is probably why I loved being around her so much._
  4. _I will struggle to keep myself from writing to you daily! Please write to me as much as possible in between studies as well. I want to know everything that happens with your schooling - possibly the same schooling your mother did when she studied to become a teacher as well! So far, my classes are quite basic due to my extra tutoring with Ms. Stacy, but I am happy to review it and make sure I have a good foundation. I have learned a few things so far, especially in our first lab (a new hands-on approach to teaching where we get to actually perform experiments ourselves). You would love the new reading room at the library on campus, it’s vaulted ceilings are illuminated by electricity! There are more lightbulbs casting light for us to study in the evenings than even Ms. Stacy could imagine. We have our first lecture in the operating theater soon where we will witness a doctor perform an appendectomy - right in front of us! I am excited, but nervous I will pass out...I’m hoping to avoid that embarrassment and that I will be able to stay composed so I can learn as much as possible. My roommate, Felix Lavoie, is quite keen on reminding me that if I am to become a doctor then I should probably get over my fear of needles. He has become a rather good friend in just a few short days, thanks to his easy nature and similar interests; I would love for you to meet him one day as I think you two would get on quite well, teaming up against me I’m sure!_



_Again, for the millionth time, I re-read the words you penned, “I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.” When I left my letter in your room, I truly never expected you to respond with any sort of fondness, much less love. I wrote to you simply to unburden my heart, informing you that you are the keeper of the key to my heart; you have always had it and always will. I was never engaged because I could never be to anyone except you._

_With a love that does indeed conquer all,_

_Gilbert_

_P.S.: Did you know the study of the ear is called otology? It is derived from the Greek word for ear: οὖς Interestingly enough, I already have a few classmates dedicated to specializing their studies in that field!_

Glancing at the clock his roommate kept on the mantle above their fireplace, Gilbert winced as he quickly folded the letter and sealed it in an envelope, wishing he had fancy wax to compete with Anne’s. Regular glue would have to do, as he had already spent too much time writing to her and would now be studying the rest of the evening, probably missing supper. He would have to wake up early the next morning to make it to the Student Commons in time to post his letter, but it was all worth it for his Anne with an E.

\----

“Blythe...Blythe wake up!”

Gilbert groaned loudly as he lifted his head off his desk, a stray piece of paper stuck to his cheek. He mumbled, “wha...huh? Where am I?” as he peeled the page away from his skin and sleepily ran his hand over his face.

“You’re in the middle of the Sahara Desert and there’s a mob of bandits on your tail!” his cheeky roommate responded. “Better hurry and wake up before they come to steal all our treasure, Blythe. You don’t expect me to fight them all off myself, do you?”

“Felix, you can’t possibly expect me to fight off bandits at this hour. Can’t they come back in the morning?” Gilbert stopped speaking as a smell of smoked meat and freshly baked bannock reached his nose. “Wait, did you bring me supper?” he asked as Felix sat a plate down on the desk Gilbert had just been asleep on, accompanied by a fork and knife.

“Of course I did! You don’t expect me to leave you to starve in the desert, do you?” Felix quipped as he sat down on his bed across the room. “My family may have had servants growing up, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn the importance of making friends by the power of stuffing their belly full of food that someone else cooked. It’s one of my finest skills, actually.”

Shoving food into his mouth, Gilbert laughed with his mouth full at his roommate’s antics. In just a few days they had already bonded quite well, especially over their common sense of humor and medical futures. Felix had come from a somewhat wealthy family, both of his adoring parents doting on him and his sister his entire life and providing them with whatever comforts they desired. Bravely deciding to discard the life of privilege to study medical psychology after his sister had attempted suicide, he aimed to learn how the mind functioned after his parents were devastated that their daughter was so unhappy, even with her life of leisure. Alluding to some issues he dealt with himself, but never giving further details, Felix said he knew the mind was a mysterious creature that he could tame, if only he had the knowledge. Although their lives had seemed so different, Gilbert felt the familiar sense of not knowing how to help his family and feeling as though medicine had failed them. He and Felix both were on a journey to discover and revolutionize the medical world, in their own fields, and that had already brought them together quite quickly during their late-night discussions.

“It might be the quality I admire in you most, Lavoie. Well, that and your incessant need to keep our dorm room tidy. Did your servants actually do anything, or did you always do their job for them?” Gilbert joked as he finished up his last bite and sat back in his chair, content with the fullness of his stomach.

“Oh come now, a tidy space leaves room for a tidy mind!” Felix exclaimed as he put his shoes in the exact same spot that he did every evening, shifting the left boot a little to center it perfectly. Gilbert had noticed he not only liked things tidy, but was very interested in controlling his entire environment. The lamps were always filled with oil, the fireplace wood always stacked in order of size, and Felix’s suits were always pressed and neatly hung in his wardrobe. Gilbert always found himself engulfed in a book or finding a new activity on campus, leaving little space in his mind for tidying. He didn’t own much, so it didn’t take much work to keep it organized anyway.

“Wait,” Felix said, “were you studying or writing a letter?” He nodded in the direction of Gilbert’s letter to Anne that was sitting on the edge of his bed so as not to be forgotten in the morning.

“Well, a little of both actually. I responded to a letter first and then had to catch up on my practical chemistry studies.”

“Ah, who’s the lucky girl?” Felix asked with a wicked smile on his face.

“How do you know there’s a girl?” said Gilbert as he blushed a little, hoping Felix wouldn’t notice.

Felix sighed, “there’s always a girl…come on now, what’s her name?” 

Gilbert relented and finally told Felix all about his Anne with an E. He had withheld talking about her before, not wanting to seem like one of those boys that had nothing but girls on his mind, unable to focus on his studies. Felix listened with a look of amusement on his face, laughing when Gilbert told him about the time he caught Anne sneaking their friends into a cargo train car and the look of surprise Anne gave him when he was standing on the platform waiting for them at their destination.

“She sounds perfect for you, rebellious spirit, and all.” 

“She is…” Gilbert admitted with a small smile. “Do you have a girl back home?”

“Ha! No. I have no one,” Felix laughed cynically. “Not to mention I’m sure my father has some rich debutante lined up for me to be miserable with for the rest of my life, so why bother? I’ve never found anyone that is...up to my standards anyway. I plan on using school and my profession as an excuse for my bachelorhood as long as possible.”

Gilbert felt that Felix was too smart and funny to not find someone to share life with, but dropped the subject as they both needed to continue their studies before the evening ran too late. 

After he finally finished all the work he needed to accomplish, he quickly wrote a short letter to Bash to send along with Anne’s the next morning:

_September 6, 1899_

_Bash,_

_You were right. It’s a long story, but I learned that Anne’s feelings were in line with my own and met her in Charlottetown on my way to Toronto. The kiss would have made you proud._

_School is amazing, I miss you and Delly though. Give her a hug from me! And please write back with news of the farm and how you are doing._

_Your brother,_

_Gilbert_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had always intended to expound on Bash’s story, him being my third favorite character and having such an interesting history (and what I perceived as an interesting future). Based on the current state of our world, I feel it’s even more important to portray BIPOC in our fanfic stories. This is only my second fic, but so far I‘ve tried to be thoughtful with inclusion and diversity, and I still have so much to learn. This year I have read so many articles and talked to so many people about writing powerful people of color and how to do so respectfully and accurately. Just from fanfic, I have learned about so many other people and their stories, diving deep and seeing how beautiful they are. I hope you can see beyond the words on these pages and feel Bash’s culture come through. It’s the core of who he is. 
> 
> Thank you, DK for your encouragement on this matter! Oh and thank you all for reading, I still can’t believe you’re still here with me lol!

Waking up to a baby sticking her hands inside one’s nose is not the way most people would prefer to be roused from their deep sleep every morning, but Bash simply smiled as the tiny fingers then made their way to his ears, tugging at them hard enough to make him yelp. “Ouch, baby girl! Those are permanently attached to my head. You can have my bed, but you can’t have my ears!” He looked over at Delly as she laid next to him on his small bed, smiling back up at her father as though she understood every word he said but still intended to do whatever she pleased. “Besides, if we don’t keep quiet then your grandmother is likely to come in here and see that you’re in this bed with me instead of your own, and we would never hear the end of that. Guarantee it.” 

Bash groaned as he sat up and stretched, his muscles stiff from picking apples all day and sleeping next to a baby that kicked all night, then reached over to pick Delly up and begin changing her diaper. Ever since his Mary had passed, he suddenly had the responsibility of being a father _and_ a mother thrust upon him, taking on both roles although he actually had no idea how to be either. Changing diapers, bottle feeding, learning the rhythms of a baby’s sleep schedule, even figuring out what she should be learning as she grew...all of those things he had taken for granted because he just _knew_ Mary would be there to go on this journey with him; her experience from raising Elijah would easily allow her to slowly teach him how to parent a child. Instead, he was expected to learn all of these tasks and duties overnight, all while still learning how to run a farm.

And have his mother breathing down his neck the entire time.

As he put the clean diaper on Delly, he chided himself for thinking ill of his mother, yet again. She had greatly improved since her arrival, learning that he was a grown man in his own house that would raise his and Mary’s daughter the way he felt was right. She had even gotten more comfortable with the Cuthberts and Ms. Stacy, trying to reframe her expectations of how they would treat her. He never thought he would see the day that his mother sat at the table and broke bread with other white women, as equals, and yet it now happened on a consistent basis. Delly started fussing, trying to tell him that she was impatient to finish the diaper change and move on to the milk that surely awaited her.

“Sebastian! Boy, if you don’t get in here quick this breakfast will be cold and my temper will be hot!” Hazel yelled from the kitchen, the smell of bacon traveling down the hall along with her words. “Don’t make me come in there after my precious granddaughter, probably starvin’ to death by now…” she was still muttering as Bash carried Delly into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle Hazel had already prepared.

“All right, woman, we hear you. No need to _boof_ us so early in the mornin’. I swear, you’re yellin’ from one room, and the little one is yellin’ from another. If Mary was here, I would have a trio of women to yell at me from all three corners of the house, while I hid in the fourth!” He looked down at Delly, greedily guzzling her bottle after sleeping through the night like she had started to do. Occasionally. “I guess I’ll take your yellin’ in the mornin’, _doux-doux_ , as long as you let me sleep all night long.”

Hazel gave Bash a sideways glance as she poured the coffee into his cup. “If you’d let her cry every once in a while, maybe she would already be sleepin’ through the night every night, and you wouldn’t have to be so tired while you’re out workin’ in the fields, ya? Sure sounds like a good trade to me.” She caught the fire from Bash’s eyes as she looked up from pouring his coffee and added, “but that’s none of my business, now is it? You can be as tired as you want to be out there, don’t listen to me!”

Bash let the fire extinguish from his eyes as the coffee warmed him from the inside, soothing away the need to correct her when she already corrected herself. Baby steps.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you there was a letter arrived from Mr. Blythe - I mean Gilbert - just before you woke up. I set it on the table there,” Hazel said as she pointed to the letter addressed to Bash and postmarked from Toronto. He handed Delly to her and opened it quickly, worried at first glance about how concise the letter seemed, assuming that something must be wrong. Hazel watched his face as Delly grabbed at her headwrap, seeing Bash’s brow draw together at first into a frown, then his eyes widened as his lips grew into a frenzied smile. “Well, spit it out, what’s wrong?” Hazel asked.

Instead of answering, Bash stood up quickly and knocked the chair he was sitting in over in the process. The crash startled Delly and Hazel, but Bash’s excited shouts shocked them even more. “I WAS RIGHT!” was all he kept screaming as he danced around the room, sliding his feet across the floor and shaking his hips back and forth while he waved the napkin he had been using around in the air. “He did it! He actually did it!”

Hazel was trying to ask, “he did what?” but was still being drowned out by Bash’s cries of joy. Hearing a knock at the door and realizing Bash would never be capable of answering it in his unhinged state, she ran over and opened the door to a very confused looking Muriel Stacy. With an exasperated look, Hazel simply shrugged at her as if that was enough explanation for Bash’s behavior. Delly was looking at her father over her grandmother’s shoulder and injecting her own shouts of glee; even though she had no idea what was making him so excited, she still wanted to be a part of the fun. Without warning, Bash swooped in and grabbed Ms. Stacy and began to dance with her, swinging her around the kitchen while he exclaimed, “Gilbert finally kissed her! I knew he always loved her - I knew it Muriel! And Anne loves him too! I was right!”

Finally piecing together what Bash was so excited about, Muriel laughed as Bash spun her around until she was dizzy and had to let go of him to lean against the table, trying to catch her breath. Bash’s smile was so close to her that it caught her off guard, causing her to forget what he was smiling about in the first place. Remembering as he turned away from her, she mused, “Gilbert and Anne? I would never have guessed. They always seemed too caught up in competition with each other, constantly bickering - oh dear!” She put her hand over her mouth in surprise as the pieces came together in her mind, “yes, I see it now…” 

Remembering how Gilbert always seemed to stare at Anne with a smirk on his face while she read aloud during literature; Anne was the only girl that he seemed to notice at all, actually. During the school paper meetings, Anne always sat near Gilbert and asked his opinion on everything she did, inside jokes seeming to pass between them frequently. She knew they were friendly, but never assumed she would hear the words of love that Bash was still bellowing about them as he moved on to dancing with the only partner left that would have him, Delly.

Hazel decided to excuse herself, noting before she left, “I’m going to feed the chickens since allyuh have gone mad!”

“I wonder if this has something to do with his unfortunate loss of the Sorbonne opportunity and sudden need to transfer to U of T?” Muriel speculated as Bash finally settled down and placed Delly on her blanket in the corner of the room that held a few of her toys. 

“I believe it did, and I believe I need to go write him back inquiring about the many details he forgot to mention in his stingy letter.” Bash was headed down the hall already to look for a pen and paper on the desk in the study, leaving Muriel to dote on Delly. “If you have any questions you wunna add, let me know and I’ll be happy to torment him even more,” he yelled down the hall as he sat down to begin his letter.

_September 14, 1899_

_Doc,_

_So you finally decided to stop acting like a moke and be a man, eh? Glad to know I have had such a good influence on you. I was beginning to wonder if my presence here really was only to dig post holes, or if you would eventually learn from me the ways of how to treat a lady as special as she deserves. I sure hope you wrote your Anne a new love letter to add to her collection before you wrote to me - don’t embarrass me now!_

_In truth, as much as I liked to complain, I much preferred you talking my ear off than my mother. Thank the good Lord we have Delly around to keep the house from being too quiet. Do they teach Trinidadian bush medicine there at your fancy school? I am adding some dried thyme to my letter so you can add it to your stew for flavor. Or study it’s medicinal purposes, you decide._

_Mr. Barry has held up to his end of the deal, the exports have been going well and the money has been nice to see. I was able to repair some things in the house and the barn, I even replaced that old wheel on the wagon that always bumped my bambam as I drove. The apples are telling me they will be done soon and harvest will be over. Mary’s garden is still feeding us, Elijah has even taken to tending it and keeping it safe from the animals. So far, we haven’t had any issues with each other and I’m hoping it stays that way. He mostly keeps to himself while working hard, for which I am grateful._

_You’d better write me a more detailed account of your encounter with Anne, or be prepared to tell me in person when you’re home for the holidays. Choose your battle wisely._   
_  
_ Your brother,

_Bash_

Muriel knocked on the doorframe, holding Delly on her hip and asking, “do you mind if I take Delly out to the smoker with me? I won’t be using any sharp tools today, just sealing the wood with some mud. I thought perhaps Delly might enjoy the sensation of the mud between her toes, although I have a feeling it might give Hazel some grief when she sees us, so I’d like to know if I’ll have you on my side?”

“If you promise that it will truly give my mother grief, then I’ll agree to anythin’!” Bash laughed as Muriel smiled back at him, Delly smiling too as though she was in on the joke. Seeing his daughter in the arms of someone that wasn’t Mary still hurt, causing him to conjure up the feeling of jealousy in Mary’s stead, even though he knew she truly wouldn’t mind and would want her husband and daughter to be happy more than anything. Delly was so incredibly loved by so many people, but for some reason when Muriel was around he felt a sudden sense of guilt and he wasn’t exactly sure why that was. She was always kind to him and his family, shared his sense of humor, and had bonded with him over their common grief. During their many talks by the river, she had helped him learn that grieving is not only expected but healthy; her opening up about the loss of her husband as an example of how the pain fades but never disappears completely showed him what to expect in his future.

As they strolled out to the smoker that was almost complete, Elijah waved a dirt-covered hand at them from Mary’s garden and held up a bright orange carrot. Bash nodded at him and smiled, his resentment fading with each day, but his hesitation still present deep in the back of his mind. He had resolved to forgive him, Muriel helping with that process as well, and knew he would arrive there in time. He felt he owed it to him - if not for Mary then for his own father, and Elijah’s too. If someone would have given them this opportunity to let their good shine through, perhaps it would have saved his father from the abominable fate inflicted on him by the bigots that both judged _and_ sentenced him in a field. 

Shaking off the fatiguing thoughts of pain and oppression, he instead focused on Muriel’s delight at Delly’s curiosity regarding the mud. Her tiny toes wiggled and squelched in the wet clay-like soil that Muriel had found to smear on the outside of the smoker, sealing all the seams to hold the smoke in more efficiently and helping it accomplish its task faster. Delly wasn’t smiling like he had expected though, too engrossed in her discovery and exploration of this new texture. Suddenly kicking her chubby foot, a splotch of mud splashed up on Muriel’s face and sent her into a fit of giggles, causing Delly to try and recreate the situation that made Muriel laugh. In the end, they were both covered in more mud than the smoker, sending Hazel into the fit that Bash was promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven’t really seen the Bash/Muriel pairing much before and I didn’t particularly ship them myself until 03x10 when it seemed like the show was blatantly shipping them for us lol! They have done such an amazing job of tackling social justice issues (it’s why I love the show so much) so I find it completely plausible that they will be tackling interracial relationships. In Canada, it was never illegal to marry but it wasn’t easy. I hope to tackle this issue for them, as I said before the current state of our world cries out for it. It’s important, it’s beautiful, and it’s difficult - which means it’s worth doing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am adding dates to the letters to help everyone see the passage of time easier between each chapter :) I hope you all enjoyed setting up the future of “Derry” and some more lovely “Shirbert”! Let me know if there is anything you want to see, I’m happy to make “season 4” exactly what we all wanted lol! Thank you all for reading :)

“Does the story of _Walden_ appeal to your sense of rebelliousness and individualism?” Diana read aloud one of the questions they were meant to answer in an essay for Anne’s favorite class: English Literature and Composition. 

Laughing sarcastically, Anne paced the floor as she responded, “is it possible that it could accomplish anything other than feeding my rebellious nature and infinite need to live a life that is completely of my own design? How could anyone _not_ be captivated by his fantastical words? Being an author and freely giving inspiration to your reader must be such a sublime sensation.” Diana recognized the dreamy look on Anne’s face. She was about to go on a metaphor rant. “I feel so invigorated after reading Thoreau, like I am ready to march onward and rally an army that would rival Joan of Arc’s!” She planted one foot up onto her chair and raised her arm into the air, striking the pose of a victorious general after a rather successful crusade.

Diana giggled at Anne’s enthusiasm, easily getting caught up in her bosom buddy’s vigor for life. It didn’t take much to light the fuse to her friend’s passion, and their required reading of Thoreau’s _Walden_ seemed to have sparked her wildly. “You wouldn’t have to convince me, I’m already prepared to go to battle if it involves conquering tea - which is in fifteen minutes, just so you’re aware, and it’s best not to upset ‘Mang’ by being late.” Diana closed her Literature book and stood, washing her hands in the water basin like her mother taught her to do before she ate. “Other battlegrounds will have to be saved for later, _ma capitaine_.”

Anne looked down at her ink-smudged fingers and decided it would be a good decision to follow Diana’s lead so as not to incur Mrs. Blackmore’s wrath. “It seems completely useless to be washing this ink from my hands now when I’ll only have to dirty them up again as soon as I continue working on my essay after tea. Marilla would be horrified...”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Diana exclaimed as she dried her hands. “There is a letter from home for you, Mrs. Blackmore set it on the front hall table downstairs!”

Without washing her hands, Anne bolted out the door and down the stairs in a most unladylike fashion to locate the mail that she hoped was from Marilla. As she leapt excitedly off the last step, she landed with a _thud_ at exactly the same moment Mrs. Blackmore walked out of the parlor with a look of disbelief on her face.

“I assumed there had to be an entire herd of elephants tumbling down the staircase,” Mrs. Blackmore chided, “but I should have known it would only be Miss Anne Shirley-Cuthbert since she is significantly louder than any herd of elephants could ever hope to be!” Finishing the rest of her admonishment simply with a turned-up nose and arched eyebrow, she promptly turned on her heel and retreated back into the parlor knowing Anne would now continue her task with proper reserve and noiselessness.

Anne practically tip-toed down the hallway to the front hall where a table always held a vase full of fresh flowers and everyone at the boarding house’s mail. That day’s flowers were some of the most beautiful red clematis blooms she’d ever seen, causing Anne to gasp in admiration as soon as they caught her eye. Mrs. Blackmore usually somehow achieved choosing flowers that were almost boring - something that Anne had believed impossible until now - but the constant rotation of plain white asters had become quite monotonous. Now, the clematis that overflowed from the vase looked like giant rubies gleaming in the sun, placed on this earth simply for the purpose of being admired by Anne. “Hello, my stunning new friend, what an exquisite shade of red you have been given to show off to the world! I myself am burdened with a despicable tinge of red that pales in comparison to yours. If I were able to trade shades with you, though, I do not think I could do it; your beauty is much more deserving of the admiration that color will rightfully bring about for you.” As Anne conversed with her new companion, a note that was tied onto the greenery caught her attention. She turned around to see if anyone was in the hall, finding herself quite alone. Deciding to reach in and pluck the note from its hiding spot, she opened it quickly to see what was written there before anyone could catch her in her curiosity. 

_Anne,_

_I hope these flowers can be pressed into your mother’s book. I chose a clematis because they represent attraction, not just physical, but mental as well. Not to mention they have a fierce red color. No matter, none of them could ever compare to your red. It’s the shade of my favorite spiced marmalade that my dad and I would make together every year. The shade of a fire when it’s burning it’s hottest on a cold winter night. The shade of you, my Anne with an E. And nothing could compare to that, try as this flower might._

_Love,_

_Gilbert_

Anne’s mouth was hanging slightly ajar and her mind was not able to catch up with her heart. She turned the note over to check that it was addressed to the correct Anne from the correct Gilbert. 

Indeed, it was.

But if these flowers were just for her, how had they ended up in the front hall? And why had no one told her they had arrived? 

The housekeeper Lily walked down the stairs just then, carrying a basket of linens. Anne waved her over and used the little bit of American Sign Language she had learned from the book she borrowed from the academy’s library. She held her fingers together, as though she were holding a flower, and moved it from one side of her nose to the other, signing the word “flower”. She then spoke clearly while looking directly at Lily, “are they for me?”

Lily shrugged and pointed her hand at her forehead, moving it away from her as she mouthed, “I don’t know.” She dug around in the pocket of her pink apron, balancing the basket on her hip until she pulled out an order sheet with her signature on it. Anne could see that she had signed for the delivery earlier that day, noting the florist’s name on top with Gilbert’s address in the customer box. It didn’t say to whom the flowers should be delivered, only stating the address of Blackmore Boarding House.

Gilbert had mailed an order to a local florist just so Anne could press the flowers in her mother’s book - and so he could declare her better than them. They were solely for her, and yet she was unable to deprive the entire house of their beauty. Smiling at Lily and nodding, she simply turned around and plucked one for herself, grabbing her letter from Marilla and heading quickly back up the stairs. Looking at the clock, she decided to leave everything on her desk for later, lest she arrive late for tea. She wouldn’t allow Gilbert to cause her to be even more to the dining room than usual, hopefully preventing her from meeting the wrath of Mrs. Blackmore’s arched eyebrow.

——

Diana held the note under the table in her lap, reading the words between each bite. At one point she almost choked on her potatoes, elegantly covering her mouth with her napkin and giving Mrs. Blackmore an apologetic look. 

“I can’t believe Gilbert Blythe is this eloquent! You two are made for each other,” she whispered as Anne blushed, taking the note back and tucking it up her sleeve.

“Well, he _is_ excellent at spelling and vocabulary, so it seems sensible that he also knows how to use it to his advantage.” Anne smirked as Josie rolled her eyes from across the table and Ruby looked slightly jealous.

“Moody writes to me often too,” Ruby offered, mindlessly pushing her potatoes across her plate instead of eating them. “He can be very romantic, you know? Just last week he compared me to the melody of his favorite hymn!”

Anne smiled encouragingly at Ruby and said, “that is beautiful, Ruby! Very romantical indeed. Although, I feel as though we shouldn’t speak of this in front of Diana, what with her tragical romance and all…”

The other girls knew of Diana’s secret romantic interest that ended unfavorably, but her lips still remained sealed on what exactly happened and who it was with. Adding yet another mark against herself for hiding Jerry from the world, she was too ashamed still to speak about it publicly. “Oh, it’s fine Anne, no need to worry about me. What about you Tillie? Have you heard from either James or Arthur?”

Tillie looked up at them and smiled, simply saying, “both.”

The entire table of girls erupted into a fit of giggles, causing Mrs. Blackmore to clear her throat from the other end to signal that proper ladies would not let themselves be carried away in such a manner.

“Well I, for one, am in no need for _any_ romance at the moment,” Josie finally stated, placing her napkin on the table next to her plate as though the talk of romance had made her appetite disappear. Ever since the nightmare she had experienced with Billy, she had become very uncomfortable with the idea of even being around the other young men at their school, much less speaking to them. “In fact, my education is more important to me than any empty words some boy has to say to me.”

“This isn’t ‘some boy’, Josie, it’s Gilbert and Anne!” Diana countered, “and besides, I think we all know you only started caring about your education recently, so don’t pretend as though you haven’t always been boy crazy.”

Anne worried about Josie, knowing the trouble something like what happened to her can cause in someone's mind. She had seen so many girls in the orphanage go through similar things, or worse, and none of them carried themselves with the poise that Josie did afterward. “It’s okay, Josie, take your time and wait for the right person to come along.” Anne encourages. “There’s nothing wrong with focusing on yourself and getting as far ahead as you can. We should all be doing that now; this is our time to shine as brightly as we can and form as many stars in our galaxy as possible!”

All the girls nodded in agreement as Lily began to gather their empty plates. Mrs. Blackmore dismissed them and as most of the girls headed for the parlor, Diana and Anne retreated to their room for completely different reasons. Anne needed to write to her love, and Diana needed to forget hers.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Anne asked Diana as they entered the privacy of their room, able to speak freely of Jerry and their secret relationship.

“I promise, Anne, I would tell you if there was anything wrong.” Diana lied, yet again, to her bosom buddy and greatest ally. She didn’t understand why she was keeping her pain from Anne, whether it was because of how angry Anne had been when she found out about her and Jerry, or perhaps because she simply still didn’t understand the pain enough herself to be able to explain it. Diana didn’t have the energy to try and work through something she couldn’t make sense of herself, so she lied time and time again instead. One more mark against herself, making the tally marks grow heavier and heavier on her shoulders.

“If you say so...I can’t imagine never kissing Gilbert again, so it breaks my heart to know that you or Jerry might be unhappy with how things ended. How does one simply stop kissing someone? It doesn’t seem possible.” Anne fell backward onto her bed, causing some of her hair to fall from its pompadour on top of her head. “I have re-lived those kisses, as quick as they were, in my head well over a thousand times by now. The sensation is like nothing else, it’s as though our lips were made to fit together, like two books sliding perfectly next to each other back into their spots on a shelf. And now? The frustration of knowing I’ll have to wait to kiss him again is almost more than I can bear! Does it hurt to know you might never kiss Jerry again?”

Diana was shocked by Anne’s question, and although her words had just been entangling and confusing her even further, she snapped out of it quickly and simply stated, “I’m not sure, Anne, it should have never happened in the first place so I believe it might be best to forget about it all and move forward, like Josie said.” The words left a bitter taste in her mouth and her heart didn’t believe what her mouth was saying.

Anne shot up and looked at her incredulously, “No! You must never forget! Even with the pain, even with all of the feelings that were there and have since vanished, you must never forget the relationship you had together! No matter what, Jerry will always hold that special place in your heart.” Anne thought for a moment, trying to decide if the question she wanted to ask would be well received or not. Deciding to ask anyway, she tried to act as nonchalant about it as possible. “Have you thought about possibly writing to him?” Diana shot her a look that could melt ice in a snow storm. “I mean just to check up on him, see how he is doing! Or I could write to him for you; I wouldn’t tell him that’s what I was doing and it could be like reconnaissance for a mission, the one to heal your wounded heart!”

“No, there’s no reason to write to him! It’s fine, it will all be fine. I’d rather not discuss it any further though since I still have to finish this essay and you have a letter to read.” Diana turned away from Anne and sat down at her desk, finalizing her words.

Giving up on making any further progress with her friend’s broken heart, Anne decided to read Marilla’s letter quickly so she could respond to her and move on to writing Gilbert before it got too late.

_September 29, 1899_

_Dear Anne,_

_I hope this letter finds you well, my dear. You have no idea how much Matthew and I miss seeing the streak of red that we had grown so accustomed to seeing whirl through Green Gables. Everything seems bland without your presence, and we miss you dearly._

_There’s no need, I’m sure, to hope that school is going well. You’ve never wavered in your studies and I know you have been looking forward to this day for a long time. Do please write to us and tell us what you’re currently learning, we would love to know that the school is adequate and capable of educating you._

_All is well here in Avonlea. Jerry has been such a help, spending more time with Matthew tending the farm. He has even begun studying with Mrs. Stacy after school to further his education, thanks to you for giving him a head start and the extra funds he now has from working longer hours at Green Gables. Bash and Delly are wonderful, of course, even though regretfully it seems Delly might have already grown an inch since you left. I wonder how big she will be by the time you come home for the holidays?_

_Perhaps the most important news of my letter, Aluk visited Matthew to inform us that Ka’kwet has returned home safely! He said to tell you that she is not doing well, physically she is mostly just bruised, but her emotional state is the matter that worries him most. If you have anything you would like to encourage her with then please include a letter next time you write to us and I will pass it along to Matthew. He has decided to visit their new camp monthly to check on them and make sure they are left alone and safe. They even gave him another one of those fine baskets as a thank you, even though he tried to refuse and said it was the least he could do. It seems your spirit has inspired him and he has decided to take up your mantle as their advocate._

_Well, I must go check my pie before it burns. Please write soon._

_Love,_

_Marilla_

Anne threw the letter across the bed and stood up, unable to hold her tongue, “Jerry is studying with Mrs. Stacy after school to further his education!” She waited for a response from Diana, who only stopped writing for a moment before continuing, as though Anne’ statement had no impact on her.

“That is wonderful, I’m happy for him. I wish him the best with his studies. Mrs. Stacy is a wonderful teacher, so he is in good hands.” Diana’s words were true, but the iceberg underneath them was much larger than the tip that she allowed to be seen. She wondered why he decided to learn now, and especially if her unintentionally cruel words to him initiated this new interest in focusing on his education. What did he intend to do with the knowledge he gained? What could come of this venture, other than the position to throw Diana’s words back at her if she ever saw him again.

“That’s it?” Anne replied. “That’s all you have to say? But what if he learns so much he decides to become a lawyer, or perhaps even a civil engineer?”

Diana laughed sarcastically, setting her pen down and looking over at Anne now. “Do you truly think that to be possible? Of course not, Anne. Unfortunately, a boy like Jerry will never become a lawyer - and that’s the problem, isn’t it? He will never be _allowed_ to do anything other than work for his father’s shop, or at best continue to be employed by a farmer, perhaps. It’s not his fault he wasn’t born into the right family, it’s not his fault he has no station in life.” Diana was breathing heavily now, the anger rising in her like the tide, slow but steady enough to be dangerous. “And yet, no matter how funny and kind and sweet and interesting he is, there is _nothing_ that could make him good enough. My father barely let me attend Queen’s, it was truly a miracle and I cannot expect another. If Jerry was _anything_ other than what he is, we would have had a chance. But he isn’t. So we don’t.” The waves of her anger receded and she turned back around to her essay, continuing to write as though nothing had happened.

Feeling defeated and ashamed for causing her friend even more pain, Anne mumbled, “I’m so sorry, Diana…” as she sat down at her own desk, afraid to push things any further with her, and willing to give her the space she needed to calm down. She began to write as well, much more evenly than the furious scratches against paper that were coming from Diana’s side of the room.

_October 1, 1899_

_My Dearest Marilla,_

_You have no idea how much it thrills my soul to know that I am missed at Green Gables! To imagine you and Matthew wandering the house without me there gives me great sadness, but to be missed is much preferred to being forgotten. Please know that there are two holes in my heart, one for each of you, that will forever cause me the most wonderful pain of feeling loved and wanted. It is a good heartache, one that means I have a family that loves me. I never belonged to anyone before, and now I do, for which I am exceptionally grateful._

_You are correct in your assumption of school, it is divine and I couldn’t be any happier! The library has thousands of books, all in one place and ripe for me to pluck at any moment to glean as much knowledge as possible, whenever I please. I have decided to accelerate my studies and complete the two years in one, if possible. So far the classes and correlating work has been time-consuming, but not too difficult._

_It thrills my heart to know that Avonlea has carried on well without us. Please feel free to give Jerry my address, if he would like it, and tell him I would love to hear about his studies. What fantastic news! Give Delly a hug for me when you see her next, and inform her that she must suspend any and all growing until I am home for the holidays._

_Thank you for informing me of Ka’kwet’s safe return home and for offering to pass a letter along to her for me. I will include it with this one and hope that Matthew is able to take it to her as soon as possible. I’m so proud of him, and you, for how much you both have grown and for being able to see past your fears. The pain I feel for Ka’kwet’s suffering is what drives me to help, and I will do anything for her. I only hope I can offer some encouragement from so far away._

_The last thing I must inform you of is my relationship with Gilbert. As you already know of his confession when he was on his way to Toronto, I feel I should be forthright with what has happened since. We have been writing to each other for a few weeks, clearing up misunderstandings and making intentions known. I believe he also plans to come home for the holidays, and although that is still two months away I would like to arrange to have him over for tea while we are home. I know he has been welcome many times before, but this is different and you should know that. I am hoping, but not sure, that he will ask to court me. Although I don’t believe he needs to ask since I am an independent woman capable of making her own decisions, I know he is fond of you and Matthew and will want to ask simply out of respect for you both. I do love him so, and he loves me. Please consider this over the next few months in preparation for our visit._

_With all the love I have,_

_Your Anne_

Quickly grabbing another sheet of paper, she wrote to Ka’kwet so she could include it in her letter to Marilla in hopes that it would reach her as soon as possible on Matthew’s visit.

_October 1, 1899_

_Ka’kwet,_

_I am very happy to know that you are home with your family and safe from the evil that was forced upon you. I am so sorry I could not save you from them, please forgive me. If you never want to speak to me again, I would understand. Know that I am here for you, even as far away from each other as we are now, I want to help you. You can write to me, if you would like, I am a good listener. I understand some of the pain you have been through, but I see that your experience is different. What they did was wrong and I understand that you are hurting now, so please do not feel as though you have to respond._

_Always your friend,_

_Anne Shirley-Cuthbert_

Rubbing her hand due to the soreness setting in from already writing an essay and two letters, Anne then stretched her fingers out and folded the pages separately, placing them in the same envelope. She grabbed her last sheet of paper, lamenting at the fact that she would have to cut Gilbert’s letter short since it was too late to run to the general store for more. Digging in her drawer for the last letter she received from him, she set it on her desk and smiled at the sight of his handwriting. Her breath still came short every time she realized Gilbert Blythe was consistently writing for her and only her. He took time from his busy evenings between working through chemistry equations and memorizing the types of medication useful for treating swelling just to tell her about his day. He often spoke of his roommate, Felix, who sounded like an interesting character that she longed to meet. He told her he much preferred pharmacology and pathology to physics, noting that his intense desire to understand medicine, combined with the lack of knowledge the medical world seemed to have on it, drove him to seek out every answer he could. Without fail, after describing his lessons and joking about Felix, he would always ask further questions about herself: what new book had she read? Did she write anything for her own pleasure amidst the school work? Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Her answer was always _more..._ everything always ending in a competition between them.

Flexing her hand one last time, she put her pen to paper before it got too late and her lamp ran out of oil.

_October 1, 1899_

_Dear Gilbert,_

_I don’t know where to begin! When I awoke this morning I would never have guessed I would be met with the most stunning flowers I’d ever seen, accompanied by such compliments that would surpass any I’d ever received before in my life. Thank you. It still baffles me that you would want to send ME flowers, but I am grateful nonetheless. Is there an equivalent gesture for women to make? If not, I shall create one and surprise you with it so you can feel the scrumptious sensation I felt._

_I thought I should inform you of the news from Avonlea I’ve just had from Marilla. Do you remember my friend Ka’Kwet? She has been returned home safely, although I fear she will always bear the burden of the evil she was confronted with at the residential school. I almost cannot keep myself from buying a train ticket right this moment to go visit her, but I know I cannot miss school and she needs her family right now. I have written to her and I hope she has the desire to respond, giving me an opportunity to help since I failed her before._

_My schooling has doubled, quite literally, this past week. I have decided to accelerate my studies and graduate in one year instead of two. I know it is going to be a challenge and leave me very little free time, but I believe I can accomplish this task and free myself up for bigger and better things in life, sooner rather than later. I have waited long enough for my life to begin! Of course, I prefer Literature and History over any other classes, they provide so much scope for the imagination. Biology does too, I suppose...I cannot imagine studying it at great lengths, such as you are; it must be quite interesting. The human body is a miraculous thing, what with everything it can do. We have been learning about the reproduction of plants and mammals, such a fascinating topic._

Anne stopped writing, realizing she had now spoken to Gilbert _twice_ about reproduction. With this being her last sheet of paper left, she would either have to throw this one out and wait until tomorrow to write to him, or embrace the subject and hope it wasn’t too obvious and untoward. It was Gilbert, after all, he had worked on a farm his entire life and even assisted in the birth of a human child once! Surely he wasn’t scandalized by the concept. She continued:

_I am beginning to make plans for my visit home during the holidays and wondered what your plans were exactly? Perhaps you would be able to meet me here in Charlottetown on your way home? We could spend some time together in town before you escort me home on the train. I know it would put Marilla at ease to know I wouldn’t be riding alone since Diana will now be leaving a few days before me, due to my extra classes._

_If I had a genie with a lamp I would wish to see you, even if it was just for a few felicitous moments. It feels as though the next few months will pass slower than molasses falling from the spoon that Mary used to sweeten her famous cookies. I am simply too impatient for these torturous days of separation! Won’t it be marvelous when we can argue in person again? It will be so wonderful to win each argument and see your face of defeat! Perhaps I will be kind and let you win one or two..._

_Yours forever,_

_Anne_

_PS: have you ever heard of the Feast of Fools? Medieval Europe celebrated this whimsical event that was inspired by a pagan festival called Saturnalia. The people of the lowest station would switch places with officials, maids becoming masters, and they even crowned a “King of Misrule” every year. It sounds absolutely divine!_

Anne smiled at her tidbit of knowledge, knowing it would stump Gilbert. They had somehow entered into an unspoken competition of who had learned the most interesting fact, ending each letter with contending information and furthering the contest between them. Anne was determined to find the most outrageous things to inform him of, and would never admit that he had already bewildered her a few times.

Placing her two precious letters in front of her on the desk, she melted the wax that reminded her of _her_ flowers, seeming as though they were both created from the same red rubies. As she stamped each drip of wax with the shiny metal “C” and sealed them safely for the ones she loved, she was thankful she lived in a world filled with love letters and red wax. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this is a bit of a dreary chapter. Ka’kwet is depressed, probably experiencing PTSD, and is young and unsure of how to deal with that. I wanted to write about it because honestly it just felt good to get it out, but also because I wanted to honor her story. The show left it at the end specifically because they wanted to have it open-ended...most of the stories of the children that attended these schools didn’t have happy endings, or no one ever found out what happened to them. Well, here’s my not-happy/not-hopeless story for Ka’kwet. Also, I will keep aiming to update pretty much every weekend! :)

Marilla gently pulled back on the reins as she said “whoa,” signaling to Belle that she could begin to slow down to a stop as they neared the site of the new schoolhouse. Impressed with the progress the men had made since she saw it last, Marilla decided she liked the new design even better than the old schoolhouse that had been there since she was a girl. The town had come together and decided to have the new building built with brick instead of whitewashed planks, creating a more permanent and less _flammable_ building. Now that the exterior walls had been completed, the roof was getting it’s finishing touches and the interior rooms were being painted in preparation for children’s arrival. School had been meeting in the town hall for the past two months, so the students and teachers would be very excited to have a brand new building all to themselves within a week’s time. Marilla knew Muriel would especially be excited to have a shiny new classroom with a state-of-the-art blackboard to teach from.

Waving Matthew over as she spotted him carrying a bucket of empty paint out of the building, Marilla stepped down from the wagon and walked towards him with her basket full of plum puffs. “I brought these for the men as a treat during their last week working on the new school. Also, I was hoping to catch you before you left for the Mi’kmaq village this afternoon, you forgot Anne’s letter to Ka’kwet.” Marilla handed over the basket and the letter, reluctantly letting go. As Matthew gave her a suspicious look, knowing she wasn’t truly as calm as she feigned, she let out an exasperated sigh before continuing, “I must offer my opinion one last time, Matthew Cuthbert, whether it’s sought after or not! I don’t mind you visiting the Mi’kmaq…however, I just don’t see the purpose of you staying overnight! Why not wait until another day when you can leave first thing in the morning? And perhaps return the same night? You would be able to make the journey in less than a day and still accomplish what you set out to do!”

Matthew stared at his sister intently, not wavering as he firmly stated, “now Marilla, I won’t go over this again. Ever since they moved their camp, the journey is too long. I’d rather get there and be able to rest, it’s much less dangerous than traveling by moonlight at my age. Now...now I’ll hear no more on the matter, and that’s that.”

With a look of defeat, Marilla slowly nodded as she added, “well, if there’s nothing I can say to change your mind then at least tell Aluk and Oqwatnuk hello for me. And bring them a few plum puffs as a gift, I don’t want you going empty-handed.”

“I have all the supplies that the town donated...but I suppose plum puffs are a bit more exciting than tools and blankets.” Matthew chuckled as he took a bite of one himself.

“Make sure you don’t pressure Ka’kwet to write back to Anne before you leave; the poor girl has gone through enough and we must let her do things in her own time. Oh, and something for you to ponder while you’re on the road,” Marilla shifted uncomfortably as she prepared herself to break the news to Matthew, “Anne wrote that she would like to invite Gilbert for tea next month when they are home visiting during the holidays. She, uh, mentioned that we should expect…” averting her eyes from Matthew’s gaze, Marilla nervously let the words tumble out, “she said that Gilbert might, perhaps, be asking for permission to court her so you’d better get prepared.” She abruptly turned around and climbed back into the wagon, clicking her tongue at Belle to start walking on and leave Matthew standing in a stupor of confusion. 

How had Anne and Gilbert gotten to the stage of courtship when she had _just_ arrived at the train station with frizzy pigtails and a moth-eaten straw hat?

____

Ka’kwet had been awake for some time, but she kept her eyes closed as her siblings moved around her slowly, starting their day in the family’s wigwam. The smell of fresh pine needles that covered the dirt floor filled her nose as her mother crunched the branches under her feet. Hearing her father gently usher them all outside after they had put on their coats, Ka’kwet finally peeked open one eye to make sure that she was alone. She pulled the fur blankets over her head and sighed in relief, unable to face the day or her family’s concerned looks just yet.

She could feel the bones in her arms through her skin as she curled up into a ball under the safety of her blankets, noticing that the softness had melted away from her body and turned harsh and knobby. The instructors had not adequately fed the children at the school, often only serving them some sort of bread that was so hard to chew they would have to dip it in their water first to be able to swallow it without choking. Since she had returned home, she usually found herself still unable to eat. Whether from growing used to eating almost nothing, or from the pain she still inexplicably felt whenever food came near her, she wasn’t sure. Even her mother’s cooking still tasted like the soap they forced her to eat when she refused to speak English. The result was an image that she did not recognize when she saw herself in the calm waters of the brook nearby; a raw-looking girl with no braids or smile.

Feeling the weight of a hand on her shoulder through the blankets, Ka’kwet heard her father say good morning, “ _Weli eksitpu'k_. I know you are awake, but you do not have to come out until you are ready. I am going to the river today to hunt a beaver and would love it if you joined me. I will wait.” She felt his hand leave her shoulder as he walked back out of the wigwam, leaving her alone with her silent tears. She didn’t feel the sadness that should have created the tears, yet her body sent them anyway. Recently, the emptiness inside her never matched the physical response, only confusing her even further.

Finally forcing herself to rise from the comfort of her bed, she felt the blood drain from her face and the sensation of lightheadedness fill her mind. This meant she would need to eat something, _anything_ she could find that didn’t make her sick, before she even considered following her father into the woods on his hunt. The river was at least an hour-long walk through the rough terrain of the fallen limbs and frozen ground.

She hated that she now estimated the day in hours instead of sunlight. 

Grabbing her coat on the way out, she stepped into the open space of their camp, seeing the _Lnu_ busy about their day already. The gray smoke was rising from fires that were sprinkled around the site, keeping families warm and already starting to cook food for their first meals. Her mother had made sure everyone would have enough food, the last hunt coming back short yet again. She assumed that was why her father wanted to hunt beaver today, trying to ease the burden of the other families always being at the forefront of his mind. When Aluk caught sight of her, he brought over a small piece of _luskinikn_ bread for her to try, noticing the drained look on her face. She easily broke it apart by hand, the steam rising from the soft inside and making her mouth water. For the first time in days, she was able to eat the entire piece without feeling like she would see the food again shortly. The familiarity of the smokiness from being cooked over the fire calmed her nerves and warmed her insides, making her believe she might also be able to go for a walk for the first time since being home.

“If you are going with your father, please do not forget to wear your boots,” her mother gently advised. Ka’kwet looked down at her feet and saw that they were still bare - she had never put her shoes on before coming outside. The rage at her own foolishness began to rise like the flames on a dry piece of wood, consuming her quickly and completely before she had a chance to control it. She rushed back into the wigwam to grab her boots, unable to keep the fire from burning inside her until it erupted and she screamed, “how can you be so stupid!”

“Ka’kwet! What happened?” Oqwatnuk asked as she ran inside, catching Ka’kwet as she fell to the ground. Holding her daughter, she let her scream until the unexplained fury began to subside, returning Ka’kwet to a state of numbness in the black abyss. Oqwatnuk rocked her back and forth as she began telling a story of Ka’kwet’s favorite hero, hoping it would strengthen her and bring her daughter back. “When Glooscap was created from the dirt of our earth, he laid on the ground with his hands outstretched for an entire year. He observed the world going on around him, the hawks flying over him in the sky and the fox sneaking past him through the trees. Unable to move, life moved on without him as he felt trapped. Suddenly, two strikes of lightning hit and set him free, allowing him to move and bring balance to our world again.” She turned Ka’kwet’s face to look at hers, staring into her daughter’s deep brown eyes as she said, “you must wait for your lightning, _tutji'j_. One day it will come and set you free of these chains. I promise you will find balance again.” She kissed the top of her head and stood up, helping Ka’kwet put her boots on before walking her out to meet Aluk.

——

Ka’kwet sat on a fallen log near the river, picking at the tiny white mushrooms that sprouted between the rotting bark. The repetitive sensation of pressing them between her fingers felt calming, soothing away the thoughts that always threatened to overtake her mind at any moment. She looked up at her father as he sat down by the riverbank, watching him closely as he removed the meat from the beaver to bring back to their camp. Not able to stomach being a part of the hunting process, she was instructed to instead focus on hunting her inner piece. Aluk had said to her before he set the traps by the river, “in nature you will find what you search for. Let the earth heal you, it will provide what you need in time.”

As Aluk respectfully laid the bones into the river, returning them back as an expression of gratitude and awareness of where the _Lnu_ received their bounty, he stood up and saw Ka’kwet staring at him. Giving her a small smile, he nodded at her to let her know she could begin the journey back to camp and that he would be behind her. Never being out of earshot, he knew where she was at all times while still giving her the space she needed. 

Letting the sound of her boots against the hard frozen ground comfort her, Ka’kwet looked up through the trees as she walked. Some of them were as bare as she felt, jagged branches reaching for the sky although they no longer had any leaves to catch the sun. Contradicting their neighbors, the pine trees were still full and thriving. This spurred a tiny bit of hope inside her; that maybe she was an evergreen, able to weather the winter she was in and survive until spring arrived. 

As she came to the clearing of the woods that their camp was settled in, she immediately noticed something was different. The camp was empty and silent, immediately sending her into a spiral of panic. Stumbling quickly past the empty wigwams and dwindling fires, she heard laughter before she saw anyone. Rounding the corner, she almost ran into her younger brother.

“Ow! Watch out, Ka’kwet! You almost made me drop my special treat!” Kitpu squawked as he ran off towards his mother with his plum puff safely gripped in his tiny hands.

Just then, an older white man stepped out of the crowd that had gathered and began to walk towards her, hat in his hand. The look on his face was kind, but the sight of him still sent shivers down her spine. “Hello, Miss Ka’kwet. I’m Matthew Cuthbert, Anne’s father. We haven’t officially met, although I suppose Anne might have mentioned me. I was with your parents when...well, when Anne and I brought them to you.” He shifted nervously on his feet, unsure of what else to say. Deciding to offer her Anne’s letter instead of more words, he handed it to her and turned around to begin unloading his wagon full of supplies for her people.

Without a word to anyone, she ran back into the woods until she found the boulder that she often sat on when she wanted to get away without leaving the safety of her family. The never-ending need to be free while also feeling safe at the same time knocked her mind off-balance, her sanity often feeling like it was being tipped to the side and ready to spill at any moment. She sat on the boulder, staring down at the letter in her hands and admiring the beauty of Anne’s handwriting. At least she had learned to read and write in her time at the school, although their teaching had not been as comprehensive as they had assured it would be. She could read better than she could write, figuring out the words as she sounded them out and translated them in her head. Anne’s words were always so intriguing, falling from her mouth and into Ka’kwet’s ears like a feather slowly drifting through the air. It was no different reading them, her words making a small smile appear on Ka’kwet’s lips and more tears fall from her eyes for the second time that day.

She sat the letter down next to her and took a breath in, letting the cold air fill her lungs and clear her mind. Would she be able to write Anne back? What would she even say? Anne deserved to know how she finally escaped, but she didn’t think she was capable of putting that story onto paper. Feeling the bond between her and Anne, that they were so _alike_ , Ka’kwet decided to at least write a quick letter to let her friend know she was okay. She returned to the campsite, finding Anne’s father sitting by the fire watching her siblings play nearby.

“Mr. Cuthbert, I have decided to write back to Anne, but I have no paper. Did you bring any with you?” Ka’kwet asked, barely able to meet his eyes.

Matthew looked up from where he was sitting, surprised yet happy to see Ka’kwet again. “Ah, yes, I might have something…” he mumbled as he dug around in his pockets. Pulling out a list of items he brought with him, each line crossed out as he had added them to the wagon earlier, he unfolded it and handed it to Ka’kwet with a shrug. “Sorry, it’s the best I’ve got. Anne won’t mind though, she is eager to hear from you.”

Ka’kwet nodded her head and took the paper, saying thank you before running to find the pen she had taken from the school. In the safety of her bed, she began to open her heart to Anne and pour out the contents that were begging to be free since she came home.

_November 9, 1899_

_Anne,_

_Thank you for your letter, it is wonderful to know you are my friend. My father told me of how you helped them rescue me. I think my people will tell the legend of Melkita’ulamun for many generations._

_I will tell you the truth...although I am free, I still fear that I will be chained to that place forever. The priest told me his purpose was to “kill the Indian in the child” and every day that I am home I am afraid that he was successful. They stole enough of my spirit to make me feel that I no longer belong here, yet left enough pieces of me that I know I do not have a place out in the world either. I feel as though my foot is caught between two rocks in the middle of a rushing river and I am unable to swim to either side, forever stuck in between. How will I ever belong anywhere now?_

_If I look back to when I first came home and was unable to move from my bed for two weeks, then I can see that I am healing. I am impatient, though, and want to be complete again this instant. I do believe my family and my people will help restore me. They are my only hope._

_I am very happy to hear from you, please write to me again so I have something to look forward to._

_Ka’kwet_

Knowing her words were bleak, Ka’kwet hoped that Anne would not be saddened by her letter, but instead comforted by it. She felt stronger after writing the words that had been hovering over her like a bee waiting to sting, as though putting them on paper flattened them and made them less troublesome. She walked out of her wigwam with a tiny bit less on her shoulders. Matthew happily took the letter from her and told her that he would make sure it got back to Anne safely and promptly. 

“Thank you for bringing me Anne’s letter,” Ka’kwet said, “and for everything else you brought for our people. I can see where Anne gets her strong and brave heart from.”

Matthew hunched his shoulders even more than normal in embarrassment at being so moved by the girl’s words. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all. Just happy we can help.” He couldn’t wait to tell Marilla of how differently Ka’kwet had seemed after reading the letter, that perhaps simply hearing from Anne had been more valuable than anything else they could have done to help this family. 

——

Disturbing facts I learned about the residential schools:

-Somewhere between 3,200 and 6,000 children have been estimated to have died at these schools

-The residential school system harmed Indigenous children significantly by removing them from their families, depriving them of their ancestral languages, exposing many of them to physical and sexual abuse, and forcibly enfranchising them.

-Disconnected from their families and culture and forced to speak English or French, students who attended the residential school system often graduated unable to fit into either their communities and still subject to racist attitudes in mainstream Canadian society. Many graduates were unable to land a job due to poor educational training. Returning home was equally challenging due to an unfamiliarity with their culture and, in some cases, an inability to communicate with family members using their traditional language

-The legacy of the system has been linked to an increased prevalence of post-traumatic stress, alcoholism, substance abuse, and suicide, which persist within Indigenous communities today.

-In 2008, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) was established to travel across Canada collecting the testimonies of people affected by the residential school system. About 7,000 Indigenous people told their stories. The TRC concluded in 2015 with the publication of a six-volume, 4,000-plus-page report detailing the testimonies of survivors and historical documents from the time. It focused on the importance of moving "from apology to action" to achieve true reconciliation.

-This process of trying to assimilate children was found by the TRC to be cultural genocide, a conclusion that echoed the words that I used in my fic of historian John S. Milloy who argued that the system aimed to "kill the Indian in the child."

-Among the 94 Calls to Action that accompanied the conclusion of the TRC were recommendations to ensure that all Canadians are educated and made aware of the residential school system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we can finally get to the fluff-stuff!!! The next few chapters will be fun, I promise :) thank you all for reading!!! I love you all!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesss Shirbert fluff is back in full swing you guys! There are no “letters” in the next few chapters because - bless - they are finally back together again!

Anne shivered as a frosty wind blew against her cheeks. The snow had mostly melted over the past few days thanks to a visit from the bright and warm winter sun. The wind, however, had decided to stay as frigid as ever, turning her cheeks and nose bright red as she waited on Charlottetown’s train platform. She was warming up more and more with each minute that passed though, thanks to her nerves. Who would have known that simply waiting to meet Gilbert Blythe would have warmed her better than any coat and scarf could have?

She heard the piercing train whistle before she could see it coming around the bend, making her heart beat faster than the pistons on the steam engine bringing Gilbert closer to her with each second. Restlessly hopping up and down on the balls of her feet, she elicited a disparaging look from an older woman who did not approve of Anne’s excitement. Not even judgment from a stranger could dampen her spirits, though, as the train slowly came to a stop right in front of her. Tourists and businessmen filed out of the train car, even a few families carrying children that looked like they had just had the ride of their life, but no Gilbert. She looked over at the schedule that was hanging above the ticket counter, checking to see if she had gotten the time wrong. Confirming that she had the correct train, she turned back to the train car to see the most exquisite pair of dark eyes make contact with hers as Gilbert stepped down onto the platform. His smile was wide, matching Anne’s own smile in both radiance and delight. Without thinking twice, she ran toward him and into his arms, unwilling to devote any energy to caring about what anyone around them thought; all that mattered is that they were finally back together.

Holding on to Anne longer than what was probably socially acceptable, Gilbert reluctantly pulled back and took her hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a gentle yet eager kiss there. The touch of his skin on hers made Anne’s already spacey head feel absolutely celestial, as though she had broken through the clouds of the past few months and was finally flying in the heavens now with Gilbert. “Hi,” was the only greeting she could muster, words failing her for the first time in her life.

“Hi,” was all Gilbert said back as he arched one eyebrow, lost in the way Anne was looking at him. For so long he had wanted nothing but to feel her attention in return, to see Anne’s eyes reflect what he also felt for her. Now that he had her attention, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to look away.

“I’m glad you’re here, I thought I had the wrong train,” Anne said.

“I had to sit towards the back to let a large family have enough space to fit everyone, so it took me longer to make my way to the door, but I wouldn’t have missed that train for any reason in the world.” Gilbert’s face looked pained as he added, “I would really love to kiss you right now, but there might be too many people around, not to mention a particularly cynical looking elderly woman keeps staring at us in disapproval already.”

“Ah yes, I’ve been deemed a miscreant by her once already. Might as well give her confirmation.” Anne reached up and grabbed Gilbert’s collar, pulling his lips down to meet hers. The train’s whistle blew loud enough just then to drown out the older woman’s huffs of distaste, and the engine left them in their own private cloud as it blew off steam. Gilbert dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Anne, one hand finding her face to hold as he deepened their kiss. After sharing their first kiss then immediately having to leave each other for months, the sensation of finally being together again was dizzying and Anne wasn’t ready to let go any time soon. Gilbert reluctantly pulled back and rested his head on her forehead, whispering, “I have really missed you and your...initiative.” 

“If I want a kiss, I’ll take it. Who decided the girl has to wait for the boy, anyway? That sounds like a rule Rachel Lynde made up,” Anne said as she rolled her eyes.

Gilbert laughed at her and agreed as he picked up his bag and they finally started to walk away from the station, her arm linked in his. “I don’t mind at all, I would hope you always feel comfortable stealing a kiss whenever the mood suits you. No, that’s not correct, it doesn’t count as stealing if it’s freely given.” He kissed her quickly on the cheek as they strolled along the busy streets of Charlottetown, taking in the sights and sounds that buzzed around them while they existed in their own little world.

“Are you hungry?” Anne asked. “I’m absolutely famished; I was so nervous I couldn’t have been persuaded to eat this morning even if an entire tray of cake was paraded in front of me!” Regretting admitting that to Gilbert, she added, “about missing the train, of course. I would have felt terrible if I left you standing on the platform without an escort in this dangerous city, you know…”

Laughing at her, Gilbert agreed, “Oh, yes, of course. I’m so lucky to have you on my side. I’ve been on the receiving end of that temper and feel much better knowing I’ll be safe with you on guard, armed and ready.”

Anne feigned a look of indignation towards him and said, “you’d better still tread lightly, Gilbert Blythe! You’re not exempt from this temper, I’ll have you know.” They had arrived at Blackmore to drop Gilbert’s bag off before they decided on where to eat. Gilbert looked around at the large front porch of the house, smiling as he imagined Anne reading out there as she had mentioned many times in her letters to him. 

“I can only think of one place I really want to go to,” Anne said. “Somewhere that is very special, and I know you will like it since you’ve been there before.”

Gilbert felt odd going to the same Tea House that he had gone to with Winnie, but if Anne wanted to go there then he would oblige - what girl wouldn’t want to have high tea with her intended? “Whatever you want to do is fine by me. As long as there’s food, I’ll be happy!”

As they walked they filled each other in on everything they had missed since writing their last letters, providing the missing details of their final test scores and reminiscing over the classes that had just ended. They compared grades and Anne decided that although Gilbert had better overall numbers, Anne was taking more classes to complete two years in one, so she should “win”. She pointed out a few of her favorite bushes that grew in people’s front gardens along the way, noting that she was particularly drawn to the topiary ones you could shape into anything. “I love the idea that the bush can be transformed from its already extraordinary self into something even more magical, simply with a snip here and a snip there,” she mused as they rounded the corner onto Main Street.

Gilbert was enamored by her statement and was about to comment on it when they passed the Tea House, confusing him greatly. “Wait, we just missed the Tea House back there. Are we making another stop first?”

“Tea House? We aren’t going to the Tea House!” Anne laughed at the idea. “Why would I want to go there? Too stuffy and too many rules. We are going to P. Herald’s Pub - where we ate together a few years ago that fateful day I ran into you after selling our belongings to the pawnbroker. Don’t you remember?”

Gilbert was stunned for a moment; his assumption of where they would take lunch was so drastically wrong that it amused him. Of course, his Anne with an E wouldn’t want to be stifled in a Tea House with strangers judging every move she made; she had dreamed up a thoughtful and charming idea, instead, to relive their first outing together before either of them had acknowledged their feelings for each other. “But aren’t the memories of that day - other than our time together inside the pub - somewhat dismal?”

Anne considered this for a moment as they arrived at the pub, watching people walk out of the front door with full bellies and content looks on their faces. “That certainly was a day full of some terrible events that created some terrible memories…” she paused with a wistful look on her face, seeming to watch the memories play out before her on an imaginary stage in the street. “The worst memories really are the most insistent. I always prefer to imagine happy times.” She beamed at Gilbert with a look of determination and took his hand as she dragged him through the door. “So let’s create some new exceptional memories to outshine the bad ones!”

After ordering their food, Gilbert stared quietly at Anne as the warm sunlight dripped through the window they sat next to, trickling down strands of her hair and giving her the image of a mermaid from the tales that Bash had told him while they were on the ship. “You’re so beautiful, it doesn’t seem real,” he marveled out loud, without thinking to hold himself back. “It’s like you’re from a myth and I still can’t believe it’s my story too.”

Anne looked away from the window and stared at Gilbert in shock. Sometimes she forgot that it wasn’t just ‘ _friend-and-academic-rival-Gilbert’_ she was with. But when he offered statements of that nature, and looked at her with the same eyes that Romeo surely had for his Juliet, it was very easy to remember this was _‘love-of-my-life-Gilbert’_. Blushing between her freckles, Anne simply said, “and it doesn’t seem real that anyone would ever think that, much less say it out loud about me.” 

The waiter interrupted with their food, setting down steaming plates in front of them and leaving without a word. Taking the opportunity to deflect the conversation away from her insecurity about her looks, Anne asked about Felix. 

“He’s staying in Toronto during most of the break, citing his ‘allergy to family theatrics’ as the condition that keeps him unable to visit for too long.” Gilbert laughed at his roommate’s sense of humor. “He does want to see his sister, though, and find a way to apply some of the tools he has already learned on her. Anne, you should hear some of the stuff he talks about from his classes...did you know that in the States they just started a clinic specifically for psychological evaluations and treatment? No physical needs are attended to there, only afflictions of the mind. It’s so amazing to think people could be getting help on a consistent basis! Felix wants to start a clinic of his own here in Canada once he graduates...”

Anne admired Gilbert’s growing smile as the exhilaration of talking about medicine was causing his face to shine brighter with each word. He told her about the medical world’s growing interest in serum therapies and that it intrigued him more than any other field of medicine. She could just imagine him researching new medicines to use, helping people to not get sick in the first place and save lives. “It sounds like you, Gilbert; I can easily envision that as your life. Discovering the things that will help families not lose loved ones, keeping children with their parents...it’s such a benevolent undertaking and I believe you will excel at it.”

It was Gilbert’s turn to blush, his eyebrows shooting up as he thanked her for the encouraging words. This was such a different Anne than the girl he had dueled against in almost every area of learning, from spelling bees to newspaper articles. She had matured during her first semester away from home and it almost made him mourn the arguments they had, so many of them being ways to get out their frustration of having unreleased feelings for each other. 

”Of course, I will excel as a teacher as well, it’s in my blood, and what’s the point of you saving lives if there’s no one like me there to teach them once they are in school?” Anne gave him a wicked smile as she popped the last bite of her bread into her perfect mouth.

Clearly, she _hadn’t_ lost her competitive nature, and Gilbert thanked the higher education gods for it. “I’d argue that the saving of lives is significantly more important than the teaching later on - who would you be teaching if I don’t discover the antitoxin needed to keep them healthy enough to walk to your schoolhouse!”

“Ah, you see that is where you would be wrong, Doctor Blythe.” Anne snickered as Gilbert rolled his eyes at her. “Socrates tells us that the best life is one whereby a person is pursuing pleasure by exercising intellectual virtues. How can anyone do that without education? There’s no point in being alive if you can’t _live_!” 

Gilbert continued to argue with her as they paid for their meal and left the pub. Neither of them winning, neither of them losing, they were simply happy to just have the easy banter between each other act as the binding on the book of their relationship, bringing them closer together with each word.

Anne stopped walking suddenly and asked Gilbert for the time. “Hmm, I think we have just enough time before our train leaves to make a quick stop somewhere that Cole and I discovered...are you interested in seeing a hidden island of paradise discreetly tucked away in the middle of Charlottetown?”

“Is there a secret password I should know before we enter?” Gilbert asked, one eyebrow arching as he fought to hide his playful smile. 

Without missing a beat, Anne replied, “oh, yes there definitely is. You must say ‘Anne is the brightest student in existence’ or the guard fairies will not allow you to enter. It’s not my rule, they insisted that be the password since it must be founded on truth, you know…”

Gilbert laughed out loud at her as they were approaching a large house that was almost a small mansion, triggering his memory of leaving Anne there many months ago. “Wait, isn’t this Ms. Barry’s house? Are we visiting Cole?”

“No, he and Aunt Jo are in Paris for the holiday - they are _so_ lucky to see the twinkling Paris lights at Christmas, and I am so exceedingly jealous! It’s so romantical! ” Anne huffed. “No, we are adventuring to a spot that Cole and I discovered behind Aunt Jo’s property, you’ll see…”

As they walked around the giant house and drew nearer to the edge of the small woods that lined her property, Gilbert wished he was able to take Anne to Paris for Christmas. He wished he was able to take her _anywhere_ in the world. Knowing she would glow the entire journey from the excitement of seeing new places and meeting new people, experiencing every drop of adventure with a smile on her face. As they walked through the tree line he promised himself he would travel the world with Anne, one day.

They came upon a large stone wall, covered in ivy and moss thanks to the shade from the trees overhead. It stretched as far as Gilbert could see in either direction and he wondered how they would get over it. “Okay, we are getting close,” Anne said. “You’d better admit - I mean _say_ the password before the fairies attack.” She stood with her arms crossed and a mischievous grin on her face.

Slowly, Gilbert muttered, “Anne is a good student.”

“They’re getting angry, I can see them picking up their tiny spears and ready to strike.”

Giving in with a groan, Gilbert said, “Fine. Anne is the brightest student in existence. And the most beautiful. Will that suffice?”

Anne pretended to mull it over, checking with the ‘fairies’ behind a bush. “Extra points awarded for gallantry, you may now proceed.” She waved her hand toward a small opening in the stone wall, strings of ivy acting as a curtain that Gilbert had to sweep to the side in order to walk through.

As he stepped through to the other side of the wall, the temperature of the air felt warmer and the light seemed to glow differently than it had elsewhere. The trees surrounding them somehow grew to create a perfect pathway leading down to a small stream of water. As Anne crossed through the opening in the wall, she walked past him and whispered, “hello friends.” He watched as she strolled down the path in front of him, holding her hands out to graze the branches of the evergreens as she passed by them. They quickly reached the water that was slowly bubbling across the smooth rocks and creating the peaceful melody of _nature_. Of _home_. Anne took Gilbert’s hand as she stepped up onto a fallen log that created a natural bridge across the shallow water, turning to smile at him over her shoulder. She led him across and as they reached the other side, Gilbert noticed they were actually on a small island of land that had grown in the middle of the stream, complete with its own ecosystem of trees and grass.

Anne had truly found an island of paradise.

“Anne, this is amazing.” Gilbert hadn’t let go of her hand, holding on to her being far superior than letting her go.

“It really is. When the buzz of the city and rigor of school gets to be too much - and don’t get me wrong I love it all - but when I feel overwhelmed or like I need to reconnect to Green Gables, I come here. It feels like home.”

“I don’t think I’ve realized how much I missed being outdoors,” Gilbert reflected, “Toronto has one park that I walk through to class, but it’s not the same as this,” he said as he walked Anne over to a bench that was strategically placed right in the middle of the island. “Was this Cole’s idea?” he asked.

Sitting down on the bench, Anne nodded, “it was! He comes here to draw and paint, luckily he is regaining a lot of use in his wrist. He says it’s still not the same as it was before, but I can’t tell the difference and everything he does is still a masterpiece to me.” Anne shrugged as she looked out over the stream, letting the stillness of the trees calm her nerves from sitting so close to Gilbert. 

Glancing down at Anne who held close to him as they squeezed onto the small bench together, Gilbert felt his pulse quicken as he realized they were alone for the first time and that they technically should have been chaperoned to keep their reputation intact. He could feel every inch of her arm pushed up against his, her leg braced against his to help her balance on what little seat she had to sit on. The smell of lavender drifted from her hair and mixed with the scent of the evergreen trees overhead, causing him to inadvertently take in a deep breath and let the tranquility of the moment wash over him. He couldn’t imagine a better place to be than on that island with his Anne; no ports of call could tempt him away from that place at the moment, especially when she looked up at him with those eyes that were just for him.

“Your eyes are the _exact_ same color of the horizon where the Caribbean’s crystal clear water meets the sky.” Anne’s gaze didn’t falter as he spoke, she didn’t look away in embarrassment or disbelief. Instead, she reveled in every word he gave her. “Every time I looked out over the edge of the deck, all I could see were your eyes; no matter how hard I tried to deny it, you were always there with me, calling me back home.” Gilbert laughed at that, “you literally did write to me and call me back home…but I had no idea that you would eventually be my home.”

Anne’s eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to overflow and embarrass her, so instead she tilted her chin up and let Gilbert’s intuition guide his lips down to hers. She let go of any suspicions she had about Gilbert’s feelings for her and let him prove that she was, in fact, the most enticing person on the entire planet to him, both body and soul. 

In the quiet of their own little island of paradise, Gilbert carefully turned closer to Anne and put both his hands on her cheeks, warming them as he kissed her more fervently. He had never expected a kiss to be so invigorating, but the way Anne responded to him was beyond anything Bash could have explained. Able to take their time, unlike before, they both felt at ease to relinquish their composure and experience for the first time what it felt like to discover someone else. No longer having to worry about what other people might think, Anne ran her hands through Gilbert’s soft curls, wrapping her fingers around his hair to pull him down closer to her. Gilbert’s hand ran down the side of Anne’s neck and felt her pulse quicken at his touch. They both held on to each other even tighter than when they had hugged outside of Gilbert’s house the day he gave Mary her diagnosis. 

No longer able to breathe, Anne pulled away slightly, leaving only a fraction of an inch between them. “I think we need to head back to collect our bags.”

Gilbert kissed her again.

“Right, we wouldn’t want to miss the train,” he said.

Anne kissed him again.

“Marilla and Matthew are expecting me home tonight and there’s not another train until tomorrow, so we really can’t be late,” she said.

Gilbert stood up and pulled Anne up too, holding her as close as he could. Slowly leaning down to kiss her one last time, he made sure to take his time and memorize the sensation of kissing Anne with no one around; devote to memory how it felt to have her all to himself. “Okay then, let’s go back to Avonlea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me you guys envisioned Gilbert’s eyebrows as their own character like I did?? Haha...the next few chapters will be all about the holiday break, so lots of fluff and fun. Yay! I have SO much planned! I keep feeling like I’m moving Anne/Gilbert too quickly, but it’s 1899 and honestly that’s just kind of how things went? So, let’s just say historical accuracy? Yes.
> 
> Also, shameless plug: if you rekindled your love of Hamilton on Disney+ this weekend, or discovered it for the first time and are wanting more, go check out my profil page for my inspired-by-Hamilton fic called Broadway Blue. I’m not a big fan of real people fics so I reworked it to be completely original characters, but you’ll totally get the Hamilton references along the way! I’m thinking of doing a sequel?? Who knows…it’s rated M fyi so if you’re not into that, beware!
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for reading!!! You are all so lovely and kind, I couldn’t ask for a better community of fellow AWAE-lovers to go on this journey with me! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Gilbert watched the rolling hills pass by quickly in the reflection of Anne’s eyes. Although he usually enjoyed the view on a train ride more than anything, he much preferred watching the landscape unfold through Anne’s face over simply watching it through a window. He knew the moment she spotted the enormous dead tree that stood alone in an empty field when he saw her mouth turn up slightly, admiring it’s gnarled shape that made it the perfect setting for a horror story. As soon as the river that had naturally formed in the exact shape of the letter ‘S’ appeared, Gilbert knew that was why she began tracing the letter on the window with her graceful finger.

“You’re staring again.” Anne kept her face toward the window as she sat across from Gilbert on the train, but turned her eyes to look at him with a small smile growing on her face.

“In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you sit still long enough to really  _ see _ you.” Gilbert sighed lightly and looked out his window, “I’m just enjoying the view.”

For some reason, his words set off a tiny voice in Anne’s mind. Gilbert had written of his feelings for her many times, and had furthermore shown her more than once already that day that those feelings were  _ true _ . Yet, due to the nature of her past, Anne could never quite get rid of that tiny voice no matter how much it obviously didn’t have her best interest in mind. Always lurking at the back of her thoughts, it would quietly echo the disparaging words that the girls at the orphanage had screamed at her as she hid under her covers while they hit her with their pillows. Or whisper what Mrs. Tremblay had spat at her while she shook her by the shoulders, her tight grip leaving bruises that appeared the next morning-

Anne shook her head slightly, dispersing the memories back to the tiny closet of her mind in which they dwelled, locking the door behind them and returning her attention to the spectacular sights out her window.

Suddenly noticing Gilbert’s outstretched hand next to her, Anne gave him a curious look but gladly accepted the distraction and stood up with him. Letting him guide them both down the aisle away from her thoughts she left in the seat, she realized they were headed towards the back of the train. Never letting go of her hand, Gilbert held on even tighter as he opened the door to the vestibule between the two train cars and shut it quickly behind them. The sound of the wheels roaring over the tracks below them was significantly louder than it was inside the passenger car, causing Anne to have to yell, “where are we going?”

Gilbert only smiled at her and nodded his head in the direction of the next train car. They walked through two more cars, stumbling and holding onto each other so as not to fall and make a spectacle, until they finally reached the cargo train. As Gilbert slid the door shut, Anne sat down on a heavy old steamer trunk, looking down at all the worn and tattered stamps of the places the trunk had visited. “If this is when you tell me that you’re really a bandit and are only here to steal some gold from a treasure chest in cargo...then count me in.”

Gilbert laughed and put his hands in his pockets, “and here I was worried you would think it was scandalizing to be back here. I forgot that you’re no stranger to breaking the rules of the Department of Railways.” His eyebrow shot up in accusation of her previous freight-hopping adventure with Cole, Diana, Ruby, and Moody.

“I dare say this is a much more prudent enterprise than that was. At least we actually purchased tickets this time!” Anne sat up straighter like the law-abiding passenger she was.

“Come on,” Gilbert said as he took her hand again, “I didn’t bring you back here to find gold, but there  _ is _ something rather brilliant I want to show you.”

Weaving through the maze of trunks and boxes, even past a crate full of chickens, Anne giggled as Gilbert helped her over a particularly large barrel, holding her waist as she slid down from the top of it and landed right in front of him. The train jolted to the side just then, causing Anne to stumble even closer to him than she had been before. Gilbert’s arms wrapped around her instinctually, holding her close to keep her from tumbling over during the rough patch of track they were on at that moment. Anne had never been that close to any other human before, not Marilla or Matthew, and definitely not a boy. She could feel his firm chest as it rose and fell against hers, each breath he took seeming to move faster and faster. His long legs were framed against hers, keeping her steady as the train slowly began to sway less. The look he gave her at that moment was unlike anything she’d ever seen on his face before; it looked as though he was being tormented yet also euphoric at the same time. Gilbert’s eyebrows drew together as he struggled to let go of Anne, his hands already aching to feel how soft she had been against him again. He was a gentleman, and Anne deserved his respect, but now that he had barely encountered the tiniest hint of more than just her lips, Gilbert had to make an effort to bring his mind back to the present moment. 

“Come on,” he rasped, barely able to speak, “we’re going outside.”

The frigid air that hit them as soon as they stepped out onto the back platform of the caboose erased all the happenings that had gone on inside, leaving them both breathless and smiling.

“This view is absolutely delectable!” Anne yelled as the wind rushed past her, making her eyes water and her cheeks turn pink. The hills were rushing past them so quickly now that it all blurred together, making one giant impressionist painting of the scene in front of their eyes. Tipping over the grab rail slightly, she looked down at the tracks as they rumbled beneath them, faster than she could have ever imagined possible. She looked at Gilbert with wild eyes, saying, “I feel so  _ free _ , like nothing could ever possibly hold me back from what I want in life!” She decided to yell  _ Jane Eyre _ towards the passing trees as she held her hands in the air, “ _ I am no bird and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will! _ ” Ending her quote with a loud cheer as the exclamation point, she let her exuberance spill over to Gilbert. He willingly let go of the grab rails in a show of solidarity and raised his hands, joining her in her call to life.

Unable to breathe from all the shouting and laughing, Anne finally rested her head on Gilbert’s shoulder to regain her composure, still giggling as the excitement of their dangerous position on the back of the train coursed through her veins. Letting the adrenaline fuel her boldness, she pulled Gilbert towards her and kissed him without holding back. She had already uncovered a few things that caused a new and thrilling ache inside her chest whenever she kissed Gilbert, even in just the few times they had been together. The way his lips would brush against hers lightly when they would pause for a moment, or how he seemed to always respond with a quiet sigh when she would seize hold of his collar and pull him even closer. 

The wind had already begun to loosen Anne’s hair from the knot on top of her head, but Gilbert’s fingers were now winding between each strand causing it to fall even more until he had successfully tangled himself in a web of red; the same red he often dreamed of, the same red that he could only imagine how soft it was until now. He still couldn’t believe that his Anne with an E was now truly  _ his _ Anne. He held her close on the platform, his dark lashes only pronouncing the look of intensity in his eyes as he tried to catch his breath while staring into the eyes of the one person that always seemed to take his breath away.

Anne tucked her face into the crook of Gilbert’s neck, hiding from the wind that still whirled around them. Nudging her lips toward Gilbert’s ear so that she wouldn't have to yell, she almost whispered, “I think I will create a new word for this.  _ ‘Kiss’ _ has not nearly enough letters, not enough weight. It deserves a word that is more substantial, one that conveys everything I feel when your lips light fire to mine.”

Gilbert wrapped his arms around Anne tighter, trying to keep her warm as she shivered against his chest. Whether from the chill of the air or from nerves, he did not know. He spoke close to her ear, sending even more trembles down her spine, “I used to come out here almost every Saturday on my way home from Charlottetown, but never could I have imagined that I would one day be standing out here with you.” A strand of her hair whipped around and flew into his face, causing them both to laugh. “Sorry,” he apologized, “I didn’t think about ladies hair fashions when I thought of bringing you out here. I do have to admit, though, I think I like it better when your hair is down.” He pushed another stray hair from her cheek, lingering there and holding her face in his hand. “You’re so heartbreakingly beautiful, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.” 

Gilbert gave her a small and sweet kiss, sealing his previous statement and marking it as fact. Anne just stared at him, trying to fight off the small voice that threatened to make an appearance, yet again. “Gilbert, you’re the smartest person I know. There is no possible way you can look at me and say that with such conviction.”

“And  _ you  _ are the smartest person I know. Look at me and tell me if I’m lying.” She watched as Gilbert’s dark eyes swept across her face and down to her lips, settling there as though that was what he was searching for, as though that was the answer to his challenge. Instead of letting Anne doubt for another second, he made sure she believed him this time. 

——

Gilbert walked up the hill, trying not to slide on the snow covered ground that had turned slushy with the unusually warm sun they had shining on them all day. It was now setting over the roof of his home, causing the shape of the house to light up around the edges and making it seem like it glowed. A small smile appeared on his face for the first time since he had to let go of Anne at the junction in the road where she split from him to head towards Green Gables. She had told him it would be okay, that they weren’t hundreds of miles apart anymore and that she would see him the next day. If her voice hadn’t trembled slightly as she spoke, her words might have been more convincing. After not having each other for so long it seemed preposterous that he would have to let her go so soon; but, as she reminded him after one last farewell kiss, the sooner they went to sleep the sooner the next morning would come, and they could see each other again then.

As he was coming up onto the porch the door flung open and a loud yell hit his ears at the same time the warm air from inside the house hit his face. 

“He’s here! He finally left his Anne alone long enough to come visit his family!” Bash shouted as he crashed into Gilbert, picking him up and swinging him around the porch as they both laughed.

“I’m truly only here to see Delly, you’re just lucky you live here too,” Gilbert joked as Bash set him down and let him go. “Where is the first girl to have my heart?” As he walked through the front door, a small streak of curls whooshed towards him on the floor. Gilbert looked back at Bash as he shut the door behind them, “she can crawl! Why didn’t you tell me in your last letter?”

Bash swooped down to pick her up, placing Delly on his hip to stare wide-eyed at her Uncle Gilbert. “She just started two weeks ago. Obviously she inherited her father’s agility and now she is so fast we can barely catch her...chasin’ after you all day long, aren’t I,  _ doux-doux _ ?” Bash kissed her on the cheek and handed her to Gilbert.

Delly stared at him, trying to decide whether or not she remembered his face. She stuck her hands out and placed them on his cheek, then reached over and pulled his hat off. Trying but failing to get it onto her own head, Gilbert laughed and helped her by placing it snugly on top of her curls which had doubled in length in just the few months he was gone. 

“Looks like she remembers you,” Muriel said as she stepped out of the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Mrs. Stacy!” Gilbert greeted her with a look of confusion, but cordial nonetheless. “What a pleasure to see you!” 

“Call me Muriel, please, you’re no longer my student.” She looked over at Bash and back at Gilbert. “I was just leaving, I don’t want to intrude on family time. It is truly wonderful to see you though Gilbert, and I’d love to hear more of how school is going. My friend Emily said she has been too busy to actually meet you yet, but heard you’re a bright student from some of the professors - which wasn’t news to me.” Muriel smiled as she put on her coat and scarf, looking at Bash nervously one more time. “I’ll be off then. Say hello to Anne for me if you see her before I do. And seriously, I expect to hear full reports from you both on your schooling before you leave.” And with that she walked out the door without so much as another glimpse for Bash or even Delly. 

Gilbert sat a very eager Delly down to go explore a basket full of clean laundry that she had spotted, then said to Bash, “that was a bit...odd. I definitely wasn’t expecting to see Mrs. Sta- I mean, Muriel here.”

“She helps with Delly a lot, and we have grown...close. Both havin’ the same past, ya know? She has helped me to push ahead.” Bash went over to the counter to find the plate that Hazel had set aside earlier for Gilbert when he finally arrived home.

Gilbert wasn’t sure what to think of how Bash and Mrs. Stacy were acting, but if they had found friendship in their pain he was glad for it. Deciding to move on from the topic, Gilbert asked as he sat down at the table in front of the plate Bash handed him, “where are Hazel and Elijah?”

“Hazel was in bed an hour ago, unable to keep her eyes open until you arrived. Elijah is still in town getting supplies for Christmas, but he should be back any moment.” Bash stared amusedly at Gilbert as he scarfed his food down and occasionally groaned an exclamation of how superior it tasted compared to college food. “So, when are you goin’ to tell me all about how things have been with Anne? You’re a fool if you think I didn’t notice your details have been scarce in the letters you send.”

Gilbert’s eyebrow shot up at Bash as he asked with a mouth full of potatoes, “I just got home after being gone for months and that’s the first question you ask me?”

“I’ve been suspectin’ she was your girl since the first minute you opened her letter and that cheeky smile you get only when you talk about her appeared on your face.” Bash pinched Gilbert’s cheek, making him laugh and swat his hand away. “So I have a right to hear all about it and make sure you are treatin’ her right. Anne’s a wonderful creature and she deserves the best from you…” Bash said as he gave him a questioning look while picking up all the clean laundry Delly had strewn about the floor.

“Okay, okay...I give in!” Gilbert held his hands up in defeat after wiping his mouth and setting down his napkin. “Things have been great, actually. We wrote to each other as much as our free time would allow. I did as you said, I was forthright with my feelings and did not make her guess - great advice by the way.”

Bash smiled brightly and shrugged. “I know what I’m talkin’ about when it comes to the ladies, what can I say.”

“She reciprocated those feelings in her letters,” Gilbert continued, ignoring Bash’s gloating, “and we mostly wrote about our schools and new friends. Then I got to spend time with her in Charlottetown before I escorted her home on the train today; it was  _ exhilarating _ being around her not as  _ just _ Anne, but  _ my _ Anne. I know it sounds foolish, but it was like being with a friend and...someone else, someone new at the same time.” 

Bash looked at the door that Muriel had just walked through, then back down at Delly who was using his leg to pull up and try to stand for a wobbly moment. “I know exactly what you mean…”

With a rush of cold air, Elijah opened and shut the door quickly as he entered the house with arms full of food and other packages wrapped in brown paper. He stopped short when he saw Gilbert, then greeted him with a smile. “Gilbert! You’re home!” Setting down the supplies and dropping a few in the process, he went over to shake Gilbert’s hand and pat him on the shoulder. “Good to have you back; Delly will love having someone else to give her all the attention in the world. Bash will too,” he said as he smirked at Bash. “And God knows Hazel will be happy to have another grateful mouth to feed.” He sat down at the table next to Gilbert and took a slice of bread from the plate in the middle of the table that Hazel had left for everyone to munch on.

“It’s good to see you too, Elijah. I’m glad you’re looking so...happy.” He passed him the butter and they talked about the farm for a while, Gilbert feeling relieved he didn’t have to go into any more details about Anne with Bash.

After excitedly explaining about how he was able to help their neighbor, Mr. Wilson, with his potato crop, Elijah got up to grab a sheet of paper and pen to draw out what he was describing to Gilbert. “You see, he was planting too close together like this,” he said as he drew crowded lines on the page, “and he kept getting a fungus that I had seen many times with one of my suppliers back when I was making moonshine…” He stopped short and looked over at Delly, then to Bash. Gulping before he continued, Elijah decided to skip over those details. “Anyways, I had seen the fungus before and knew if he just spaced his rows out like this,” he said as he drew diagonal lines that were evenly spread across the page, “then not only will they be able to dry out better next spring, but the water will run down the hill like this, see? I think his next season will bring a much better yield for him! And old Mr. Wilson even said he’d pay me to come and help him plant in the spring so I can see if my plan works out and reap the benefits.” Elijah set the pen down and leaned back, proud of himself and the plan he had come up with.

“That’s really amazing, Elijah.” Gilbert stared down at the paper, astonished that the man who had stolen his deceased father’s possessions, shattered Mary’s heart on her deathbed, and only barely been given a second chance when he left for college had made such strides; maybe even began to heal from his own pain. “I know Mr. Wilson will benefit from this, it’s a really smart plan. That was very kind of you to notice it and do something about it.”

“And it doesn’t end there, I swear I have so many ideas up here,” Elijah said as he tapped his head, “I’ve been thinking about ways to improve the farm, things I picked up along the way during my years doing...other business. Look, I know my mom wasn’t proud of what I did, and there is  _ so  _ much I regret, but I do have a lot of unexpected knowledge in a lot of unexpected areas. I plan to put that to good use.”

“I think it’s wonderful, and I’m sure Bash will be thrilled to implement those ideas, right?” Gilbert hesitantly asked.

Bash had been quiet, making Gilbert worry there was more to the story that he didn’t know, but finally Bash offered, “sure...we could always use some improvin’ around here. I’m sure Elijah’s ideas will be mighty helpful.” And with that he grabbed his coat and started to open the door, “Elijah, why don’t you use that mind of yours right now and figure out how to keep Delly from pulling over those bags of rice she’s about to get into.”

Elijah jumped up and ran over to Delly who was digging her chubby hand into a bag full of the tiny coarse grains, enjoying the sensation of them falling between her fingers and causing a giggle to escape as her half-brother stood by to supervise. As Bash walked out the door, Gilbert grabbed his coat and ran after him into the newly dark night. Though the sky was still a pale blue, some stars were bright enough to begin peeking through and beginning their duty of illuminating the ground where Bash walked away from the house. 

“Bash, where are you going? It’s freezing out here and we all know you haven’t adjusted to Canadian winters yet.” Gilbert tried to joke to lighten the mood he could feel beginning to weigh down on his brother.

“I know I’m not right. I know it should be easier by now, and Muriel has tried so hard to get me there, bless her...but every time he tries to do somethin’ good, all I can see is her face, Gilbert. Her broken heart - the heart that  _ he _ broke.” Bash blew out a frustrated sigh, causing a small misty cloud to appear in front of him and hide his face from Gilbert for a moment.

“You don’t have to let him stay. I know it can’t be easy for you to have him and Hazel and Delly...I just, I don’t want you to be lonely because of the people crowding our house; it’s just as much yours as it is mine.” Gilbert walked over to him and leaned against the fence that ran down the hill in front of their house. “Has anything happened that would make your trust in him waver instead of grow?”

“No, that is the problem! I am just waitin’ for somethin’ to happen that might all be in my head! He has put in the work, he has given all his time to the farm and Delly. I know he is tryin’ but…”

“But you were hurt. Not just Mary.” Gilbert had always suspected this to be true, but had never wanted to say anything to Bash in case he was able to move on without this conversation needing to take place. Obviously that was not the case. “Bash, until you forgive him I don’t know that you, or he, will ever feel at peace in this house. I’m not trying to rush you, it’s not an easy task. But letting go of resentment isn’t the first step, finding mercy is.”

Bash pinched the bridge of his nose and looked over at Gilbert, asking, “are you tryin’ to tell me you learned that sort of thing at your fancy school? Or have you always just been this smart and holdin’ back on me?”

Gilbert laughed out loud and nodded his head, “you’re not far off, actually. My roommate Felix has taught me a lot about this kind of thing. He’s always going on about how once we accept ourselves and those around us for who they are, we can finally begin to do the  _ real _ work.” Gilbert’s brow furrowed, “come to think of it, he never mentions what the ‘real work’ is...I suspect it’s something along the lines of peace though?”

Bash laughed this time and put his arm around Gilbert’s shoulder as they walked back toward the house. “He sounds like he might be right. But maybe you should stick to medicine and needles, Doc. Leave the matters of the heart to the experts.”

“I don’t know, Anne might think I’m  _ quite  _ the expert on matters of the heart by now…” Gilbert joked as Bash laughed at the idea of the little boy he met on the ship wooing a girl. 

“Come,” Bash said, “I’ll teach you some of my tricks so you don’t go around givin’ us a bad name. The men of this house  _ will _ be known for treatin’ their ladies like the queens they are, if I have anyt’ing to say about it.”

“Actually, I might need some advice...I plan on asking Matthew and Marilla for permission to officially court Anne after Christmas dinner.” Gilbert was grateful for the darkness outside to hide the small blush even saying those words out loud gave him.

And with that, they entered back into the warmth of their house together as Bash cheered loud enough to make the horses neigh in protest all the way from the barn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I always listen to music when I write, and I just started listening to the AWAE soundtrack on Spotify! It makes it feel so much more real! Totally recommend it. 
> 
> A special thank you to my husband who has watched enough random TV shows about moonshine that he was able to give me a thorough idea of what Elijah could bring to the table with his knowledge! 😂


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahh it's been a couple of weeks since I updated! Sorry guys, life got stupidly busy. We had a covid scare but everyone is alright so no worries!! Be safe, stay home if you can. Love you all for reading so faithfully, you'll never know how much it means to me!

Anne had lost track of exactly how long she had been standing just inside the front door, still wearing her coat and scarf with her bag carelessly dropped next to her feet on the wooden floor. She was securely wrapped up in Matthew’s arms, as tight as a mother bear would hold her cub, and felt the weight of school and travel and romance all fall from her shoulders as Matthew squeezed her even tighter.

“I’ve been waiting as patiently as I can, but I believe it’s my turn,” Marilla interrupted as she stood next to them restlessly tapping her foot.

Anne smiled as Matthew was reluctant to let go, finally releasing her to hug Marilla as both women squealed in delight at seeing each other again after so long. “It is so marvelous to feel this sensation of being  _ back home _ ! I have never experienced it before and it is utterly glorious!” She let go of Marilla and looked around her home, the one that they had made her a part of so long ago. Not being able to visit because of doubling up her classes had taken more of a toll on her than she had allowed herself to realize before that moment; so when the happy tears began to silently fall, she let the swell of contentment at finally being back at Green Gables wash over her.

“Why don’t you go put your things in your room while I put a kettle on and warm your supper on the stove.” Marilla smiled as she shooed Matthew into the kitchen with her, lest he snatched Anne up for another hug instead of letting her head up the stairs.

Running her hands along the familiar smooth surface of the railing, Anne felt more tears begin to gather at the corners of her eyes. When the seventh step creaked as it always had before, the noise made her laugh out loud simply because it sounded like music to her ears. “You haven’t changed, my dear Green Gables, and for that I am grateful.” 

When she opened her bedroom door, the sight of her bed was as tempting as seeing a pile of freshly fallen leaves, just begging to be jumped on. Being a  _ lady _ almost held Anne back and kept her priority on decorum instead of impulse, but luckily Anne was never one for rules. She ran over and leapt as high as her corset would allow her, falling onto the bed with a thud as tiny dust particles floated into the last ray of sun that was peeking through her window before it set over the hills. She rolled over onto her back and felt a lump underneath her. Reaching behind her, she pulled out the pillow Marilla had embroidered for her and ran her fingers over the stitches that spelled out:  _ Anne of Green Gables _ . With each thread she could feel the love that was poured into it as Marilla made it just for her, causing more happy tears to make a trail down her cheeks. 

The smell of meat pies wafted its way up the stairs and into Anne’s room, interrupting her reminiscing and causing her to sit up swiftly and wipe the tears away. She quickly unpacked her bag and set her things out on the dresser, smiling as she grazed the beads and feathers that Ka’kwet gave her as she hung them across the mirror where they belonged. 

“So, you finally came back just to see me.”

Anne turned to see Jerry standing in her doorway and before she even had a chance to respond he scooped her up into a signature Jerry hug, complete with a spin and a laugh about Anne yelping to put her down before she got dizzy and fell over.

After giving him a kiss on the cheek, Anne said, “it’s true, I missed you so much I quit school and came back to milk cows with you again.”

Jerry gave her a look of concern and replied, “Anne, you didn’t! You cannot quit school! It is so important for you to learn, you taught me that-”

“I was just joking, Jerry! I would never quit school.” Anne laughed as they began to walk downstairs so Anne could finally eat her dinner.

“Oh,  _ bien _ !” Jerry said as he looked relieved. 

“I heard you were taking an interest in school as well? How have the lessons been going?” Anne sat down at the table as Marilla placed a steaming hot meat pie in front of her, making her mouth immediately begin to water in anticipation.

“It is good! She is very kind and has taught me many things in such a short time. My reading and writing has improved so much that Mrs. Stacy said she was impressed with how my mind conquers language, probably due to speaking two of them.” He beamed with pride as he stole a piece of Anne’s bread. “I do not like math though.”

Anne nodded in agreement, “no one does. It’s nonsensical to waste time with such things when one could spend days reading about daring pirates searching for hidden treasure on a lost island in the middle of an ocean!” She stated her opinion as though it was a fact. Matthew looked at her over the top of his reading glasses, getting his point across that farm life put a higher priority on math over pirates.

“ _ Exactement _ !” Apparently Jerry agreed with Anne’s  facts . “Each time I learn more addition and subtraction she gives me a new book to read as a reward. The current one is about a man named Sherlock Holmes - Anne you should see how he solves the mysteries! He is so smart!” Jerry’s excitement over Doyle’s writings sent Anne spiraling into a conversation comparing Holmes and Watson and asking Jerry his opinion on the other books he had been able to read, courtesy of Mrs. Stacy.

Matthew interrupted their debate of whether Count Dracula or Frankenstein’s monster was the most frightening literary creature as he was headed up to bed. “Anne, I postponed my visit to the Mi’kmaq village by a few days, figured I’d wait until you had arrived in case you wanted to go along with me. With your help I suppose I can make the trip in one day instead of two, if you’re interested?”

Anne’s eyes went wide as she yelled, “yes!! Oh yes, Matthew, that would be splendid!” She got up from her chair and ran over to him to give him one last hug in appreciation. “Thank you for waiting for me, you have no idea how much I have been worrying over Ka’Kwet.”

——

The next morning Anne was happily helping Marilla clear the table of the breakfast dishes, mundane chores taking on a more cherished role now that it had been so long since she had done them. The familiar dance of working around Marilla as she washed and Anne dried was calming and helped ease her nerves of leaving to see Ka’kwet in just a few minutes. She felt guilty for leaving Gilbert all day and honestly wanted to spend all of her time wrapped in his arms in the shade of her favorite tree at Green Gables, but the chance to go and see Ka’kwet in person and check on her after such a harrowing experience was too important. 

As Anne was checking her bag one last time to make sure that she had everything she needed for the quick journey, a knock at the front door made her jump. Whoever was visiting at this early hour was either in need of help or someone very familiar with the Cuthberts, so Anne quickly ran to the door to see a very excited Diana waiting for her on the front step; perfect hair and clean boots making it look as though she magically appeared at Green Gables instead of walked there in the early morning frost.

“Diana!” Anne shouted as she embraced her bosom buddy and roommate. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in decades, so much has happened, yet I know it has only been days!”

Agreeing with a laugh, Diana added, “you have no idea how much has happened! I came with an urgent message that a bonfire has been organized by our old classmates and is to be held this evening,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “after our parents have gone to bed, of course.”

Anne looked around and saw no trace of Marilla or Matthew. “That sounds exhilarating! I’ll leave once they’re asleep. Oh, what an exciting affair! Sneaking out under the stars, old friends reunited, only the blazing fire and each other’s tales of school to keep us warm. How romantical!”

The moment those last few words left Anne’s mouth, she saw Jerry walking up the steps behind Diana on his way back in from the cow’s first milking of the day.

“What is romantical?” Jerry asked as he pushed past both girls, bringing the bucket of milk inside to the kitchen. His shoulder brushed against Diana’s ever so slightly, causing a secret thrill to travel down each of their arms. Although neither of them would admit it aloud.

The look of horror on Diana’s face was so painful that Anne immediately felt sorry for her. Frozen in the doorway, Diana was unable to move, causing Anne to have to drag her inside so that Marilla wouldn’t interrupt the already tense moment by reprimanding them for letting the warm air out. Diana mouthed silently, “What do I do?” Anne could only shrug apologetically. Diana stepped closer to Anne and vehemently whispered, “I completely forgot he would be here! Should I say-”

“Are you guys okay? Is something wrong?” Jerry looked at the two girls as though he was concerned for their wellbeing. In reality, he was trying to put on his best show of indifference, aiming to make sure Diana saw how  _ unaffected _ he was by her sudden presence. He had thought of her often at first when she had just left him standing at the bridge with a pile of discarded gifts that he had given her; off to college to forget him and live her life of freedom. He had debated often with himself on whether or not to write to her, desperately wanting to end things on a better note, yet also unable to face the pain of her possibly not writing back or criticizing his lack of grammar skills. It took almost two months before he decided to try and put Diana Barry out of his mind for good, convincing himself that he was merely infatuated and that there was no reason to dwell on the past, not to mention the impossible future. The work at Green Gables had given him plenty of tasks to keep his mind off her, and missing his family was much more pressing than missing a girl.

But that was all a complete and utter lie.

A lie that came crashing down around him the moment he spotted her dark curls at the front door as he left the barn only moments ago. He had stopped abruptly and almost spilled the entire bucket of milk, sloshing it onto his boots and causing a French curse to escape his mouth. He immediately regretted the fact that the instant this poised and perfect girl was within one hundred feet of him he was already making a mess and using foul language, neither of which would appease her elegant nature. Taking a moment to compose himself, he decided to face his problem head-on instead of going around to the back door. It was likely he would have to see Diana many times moving forward since she was still Anne’s best friend, so there was no use in delaying the inevitable. 

Now, though, she stared at him with her big brown eyes, as innocent and anxious as a doe about to be captured by the hunter. She was more beautiful than he remembered, if that was possible, considering he remembered her more often than he would readily admit. She somehow seemed even more complex and mature than she did to him during the summer, which drove him over the edge of mere attraction and into the depths of infatuation as instantly as it had the first time he saw her and accidentally let it slip that she was  _ très jolie _ . He had to literally bite his tongue to keep those same words from escaping his mouth again and fleeing to her ears that most likely would not welcome them.

“We are fine, Jerry. Sorry to get in your way! We were just discussing secret plans of a scandalous nature for a bonfire tonight after the adults are all asleep.” Anne’s smile indicated that an idea she assumed was marvelous had popped into her head. “You should come! It will be a fun way to start the holiday season!”

Diana’s grip on her arm tightened so vigorously that Anne immediately knew the error in her statement. Once again, she had spoken without thinking and possibly caused a terribly awkward situation to transpire.

“ _ Désolé _ , I will be going to my family’s house for the next few days. My sisters would never forgive me for not being there to open presents on Christmas morning, and my mother would never forgive me for not being there for Christmas mass.”

Diana almost sighed out loud in relief, but caught herself. Anne was telling Jerry she would miss him as Matthew came through the front door, announcing he was ready to leave. “We should get going so that we can make it back in time to open one present before Christmas Eve is over. Wouldn’t want to break tradition.”

Anne agreed and looked at Diana with as much regret as she could convey silently. “Thank you for telling me about your  _ plans _ , Diana. I have a very long day ahead of me but will make sure to reserve some energy for any and all  _ festivities _ .” She winked as she started towards the door, saying goodbye to Jerry and leaving them alone for the first time since Diana had thrown  _ Frankenstein _ at his feet.

The tension in the room was as heavy as Diana’s heart, aching to make things right with Jerry and possibly ease the embarrassment she felt when she thought of him. Which was often. 

“So... _ comment ça va _ ? Are you enjoying school?” Jerry asked politely.

“I am well, thank you,” Diana replied, her etiquette training taking over. “School is wonderful, actually; I am enjoying the classes and feel like it is preparing me well for the future.” Wincing at the word  _ future _ , Diana quickly added, “Anne said that Mrs. Stacy has been giving you lessons after school? How has that been?”

Jerry stood up straighter, “ very good ! She has already taught me so much math that I will never need.” Diana laughed and the melodic sound bolstered his self-esteem even more. “I have read over twenty books since we started. She said I have a natural talent with words and that I should focus on that, although I still must learn math. Unfortunately.”

The weight began to lift, slowly easing the tension between them just enough to make Diana’s eyes light up as she smiled at him. “That is wonderful, Jerry! Mrs. Stacy is such an amazing teacher, I’m glad you have the opportunity to work with her. Even your English sounds better!”

Jerry’s shoulders dropped as the comment hit him and deflated the self-esteem that had only just risen. “Thank you…” was all he could respond with. He knew she was right, that Mrs. Stacy had not only helped him read better but had also helped him speak even more fluently. Hearing her intended compliment only reminded him, though, that he was still not  _ enough _ . “I had better attend to the horses, they will be requiring their breakfast soon.” He tried to use as many large words as he could think of on the spot, hoping to make Diana’s  _ compliment _ sting her as much as it did him.

As he began to walk towards the front door, Diana grabbed his hand unexpectedly, to Jerry and herself. “Jerry, please...I’m sorry. I’m sorry for, well...everything.” She held onto his hand even tighter, trying to ignore the thrill she felt as the harsh calluses on his hands scraped against her delicate fingers. Even his hands were wild and earthy, so vastly different from her own existence that it called out to her, rousing the familiar feeling she had in the summer of being entranced by how he felt more like home than the house she slept in every night. That being near him felt like warm stew cooked over a fire, like being tucked into freshly washed sheets, like reading by candlelight into the wee hours of the morning. “I’m sorry for how immature I was in how I ended things with us. I’m sorry for how I treated you and lied to everyone. But mostly...I’m sorry that I hurt you. You are an incredibly bright and thoughtful person that deserved better than me.”

Jerry let go of her hand and smiled sadly at her, “I didn’t want better than you, I just wanted you.” With that, he left her standing in Green Gables as alone as she had made him feel all those months ago. 

——

Anne wasn’t sure what to expect as Matthew guided Belle through the trees, finally pulling the wagon into the clearing where the Mi’kmaq had made their new settlement since evading the residential school’s raid. The recognizable scent of caribou being slowly cooked over an open fire made Anne smile that their hunt must have gone well and given Ka’kwet’s mother plenty to provide for all the families. Anne suddenly had the urge to write what she saw; the mid-afternoon sun cutting through the trees and catching the smoke that rose from each family’s fire causing a beautiful scene that she wanted to remember on a page forever. She took out her small notebook and pencil and let the words flow, noting how although these people had been through so much terror they seemed happy to see Matthew. That a little kindness and compassion had gone a long way in repairing the relationship. As he tied Belle to a tree and gave her an apple, Anne climbed out of the wagon and tucked her notebook into her pocket in case she wanted to write more of what she saw.

Aluk came up to greet Matthew, not yet noticing Anne on the other side of the wagon. “Matthew, it is good to see you, my friend!” The men clasped each other’s hands in mutual respect and began to unload the wagon together.

“Anne?” 

The voice was more quiet and timid than the last time she heard it, but as Anne quickly turned around she knew it would be Ka’kwet’s face she would see. She had told herself she should be calm and try not to startle Ka’kwet too much, but she couldn’t help the enormous smile that appeared on her face as she tried not to let the tears that might overwhelm Ka’kwet fall from her eyes. The girls embraced each other without a word spoken; only the presence of a silent bond between kindred spirits that had been cut off from each other for too long start to finally weave together again. 

Ka’kwet felt her body stiffen at another person’s touch. She had to purposefully fight down the urge to run, letting the lightning in her veins subside before she eventually calmed. Then, a shudder ran over her as a small cry escaped her lips. She hadn’t expected to see Anne and she had expected such a response to come over her so quickly. The waves of emotion only grew higher, and Anne only held on tighter. “Thank you for helping save me,” barely squeaked out between sobs as Anne pulled away and held her by the shoulders.

“You saved yourself, Ka’kwet.” The tears danced around Anne’s freckles as she stared into her friend's dark eyes that were full of pain. “You are strong and brave and I am so glad to see you here with your family where you belong.” Anne pulled her back in for one more hug as she whispered, “I just wish I could have helped you sooner.”

Graciously, everyone had kept their distance to be respectful of the girls’ reunion; now, however, Ka’kwet’s mother Oqwatnuk began to make her way towards them with two cups of a delicious steaming drink in her hands. “Come,” she said gently, “it is time that we sit and speak together.”

Ka’kwet had been able to heal a little more since she wrote to Anne, but she still had not spoken of her time at the school to anyone. Her parents knew what they themselves had seen, and she had answered some questions the first day she had arrived home, but the details were still hidden inside her. Now that Anne was there, suddenly those secrets were bubbling at the brim and threatening to overflow and make the mess she was sure would follow once they were out. 

They sat down on the benches that her father had made for them since moving so they would be able to gather around their fire more often as a family - truthfully, just trying to lure Ka’kwet out of the wigwam more than just for meals. As they sat, Anne smiled at her again while she took a sip of her drink. Looking at her mother, Ka’kwet could tell she was hoping to hear some of the words that she sensed were about to finally leave her daughter’s mouth.

“How have you been?” Anne asked between sips. “I was so happy to hear from you before, thank you for writing back.”

Ka’kwet smiled and wiped her face, the former tears having turned to ice on her cheeks. “I am okay now. I have been very lucky to have such a wonderful family. The fact that they were able to find me and help me...others...they were not so lucky.”

Anne felt the notebook in her pocket yearning to be used. “Ka’kwet, I had an idea to maybe write down some of my experience with the school and send it to the newspaper for everyone to read. I want the world to know what happened there and possibly do something to stop other children from getting hurt...would you be willing to let me tell some of your story too? I would only write what you allow me to, and if you don’t feel comfortable then I don’t have to do it at all-”

“Yes!” Ka’kwet said too loudly, surprising herself both by her volume and her answer. “Yes. I want you to tell everyone what a terrible place that is. Tell them of the evil people that lied to us and hurt us. Tell them what they are doing is _more_ wicked than they say the Indians are.”

Anne was surprised at her fervent response, assuming she would be turned down before she even asked. “Okay, great. Thank you, Ka’kwet, this is very brave of you and you don’t owe it to anyone to do this. But I appreciate it nonetheless and think it will make my story reach even further.”

As Oqwatnuk and Anne solemnly listened, Ka’kwet relayed what happened when she first arrived at the school. The words flowed effortlessly as she told them of how they lined all the girls up and made them strip down to nothing so they could check for  _ savage diseases _ . While they were cold and naked, she could still hear the cries as each girl got her hair cut in a more  _ civilized style _ with rough scissors that pulled her hair so much it made her scalp hurt for days. She rubbed her arm, remembering how it felt as she told them that they were scrubbed with soap that burned their skin, then given a uniform that was clean, yet still smelled  _ wrong _ somehow. They all slept together on the floor the first night instead of the beds that they were assigned because she had suggested it to everyone, trying to comfort the younger girls. In the morning one of the nuns found them huddled on the ground together. 

That was the first time they received thrashes, but not the last.

Anne wrote as quickly as her hand would go, trying to not miss a single detail while still letting the horror of the words she was hearing wash over her. Ka’kwet was in a sort of trance now, the pain finally not stifling her words for the first time. Instead, Anne’s concern and attention only seemed to fuel the flame of her need to find absolution from these memories. Each word opened another portion of her heart, piece by piece, until she was finally telling Anne of how her parents had waited for her, making camp as close as they could. The nun had lied and said they would need to wait two weeks for the priest to arrive, when in actuality he was there the entire time. As Aluk and Oqwatnuk moved off the property to avoid the priest's threats, they waded through their despair with no hope of not drowning in it. Every day Aluk would visit, knock on the door of the school, and demand to see his daughter. No amount of threats would shake the priest or his henchmen. Aluk knew that dishonorable men like that could never be afraid of any consequences since they believed they were not subject to them. Suddenly, he had the thought that although he could never speak the language of their violence, he  _ could  _ speak the only other language they were capable of comprehending.

Money.

He saw the way they had looked at the coins he held out when he begged them the first time. They were tempted. The next morning he told Oqwatnuk to stay at the camp near Ka’kwet in case anything happened while he found their tribe. 

“After trading everything of value that we owned, plus whatever all the other families could part with, he finally had enough money to tempt one of the priest’s men to sneak me out in the middle of the night.” Ka’kwet finished her story with a heavy sigh. “The tribe had already moved so far away that they should never be able to find us, but I still live in fear that one day...one day the trees will part and Father George will step through.”

Anne sat frozen on the bench next to Ka’kwet; not because of the temperature of the air around her, not because her warm drink had gone cold long ago. She was frozen in shock, in disgust...in outrage. Her anger normally caused her to leap into action, loudly and boldly. This injustice, though, was beyond any of the horrors she herself had even seen. “Ka’kwet, thank you for sharing that with us.” Oqwatnuk slowly got up from her seat and came over to wrap her arm around her daughter and whisper something in Mi’kmaq that Anne couldn’t understand. Feeling like she needed to meet Ka’kwet in her brave fragility, Anne added, “I have never had the chance to tell you much of my story. I was an orphan, my parents died when I was only three months old.” Oqwatnuk looked up with tenderness in her eyes, her mother’s heart hurting for Anne. “I lived at an orphanage where terribly painful things happened to me. I was treated not only as not enough, but  _ lesser than _ . I understand how it feels to  _ not understand _ why these people were treating me like they did, why I was so deplorable that they felt the need to crush me so thoroughly.” Anne couldn’t further speak until she felt a heavy hand land on her shoulder, recognizing Matthew’s touch and feeling his love. She looked up at him through the tears freezing on her lashes, “and then someone saved me. My family.” Looking back at Ka’kwet she stated, “I know what it feels like to not belong. But  _ you _ decide who is your family, and they could never have taken that from you.”

The girls embraced again, each one letting their tears run free. They were tears of sorrow and joy, tears of pain and healing. Tears that washed away the past, not that it would be forgotten, but that it would be scrubbed of its hold on their hearts.

Anne pulled away first, asking, “can you show me your favorite place here at your new home? I’d like to see something that makes you happy, if you would be willing to share that.”

Ka’kwet looked at her and laughed, wiping her face as she nodded and stood up. “Come on, I have a boulder that you will love. The sun drops through the trees onto it almost all day long, so it is always very warm and pleasant to sit on to quietly watch the birds find their supper.”

“That sounds perfectly resplendent!” Anne linked her arm into Ka’kwet’s and they headed off to find the sun-warmed boulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another chapter I cried while writing. I also wrote this chapter basically one sentence at a time over the past few weeks because of being so busy sooo I hope it is cohesive and makes sense lol...yay for Derry shippers getting some airtime, and yay for Ka'kwet showing signs of healing! Thanks for reading :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do I realize that my first 5 chapters took place over 4 months, while my last 4 chapters take place over 2 days? Yes. Do I care? Nope! Haha this holiday visit is what I had been waiting for and I'm taking my time and staying a while :) some characters are about to get a lot more attention fyi, and some are being set aside for a while. *cue suspenseful music*
> 
> Also! This fic is being generously translated into Polish by the lovely user Puhinkam! (Search "Sygnowane Czerwoną Pieczęcią" on Fanfic and also on Wattpad!)
> 
> So if you are a Polish reader, please take a look and enjoy all of her hard work in your native language :) I cannot thank her enough, it's so so sweet of her to do this and I feel so honored!

“Muriel Pearl Stacy, pull yourself together, for goodness sake!” Staring into the mirror that hung above her dresser, Muriel saw only a flustered schoolgirl in the reflection where a well-respected, well-traveled, well-educated woman should have been instead. “It’s nothing to get worked up about, this is simply a gift given from one friend to another. That is all. Quiet your nerves at once and act like the worldly woman you are!” She stomped her foot at herself and turned on her heel, grabbing the small brown paper package from the top of her dresser as she stormed towards the door with the resolve of a general off to give an order to the troops. The brown paper, however, had been carefully stamped with little red dots of paint clustered together to look like holly berries, and tied with a string that she dyed green by boiling it with chamomile leaves. Inside was a gift that she had not only made herself, but it had taken her three painstakingly long weeks to complete.

No, this gift was not merely a gift from a friend, it was a gift from someone that desired to be  _ more _ than just a friend. 

Still unable to admit - or act - on those feelings was the only distracting aspect in Muriel’s life at that moment. School was wonderful, the children she had in class loved to learn and she was in a brand new schoolhouse. She had become accepted and respected in Avonlea and had even cultivated her own little small group of close friends with the Cuthberts and Lacroix. Delphine had fulfilled something inside her that she hadn’t expected to ever be satisfied, a little one that was comforted by her presence and looked for her face in a room full of people. 

And yet when it came to Bash there was no peace in her mind or heart, only turmoil. She first knew she was in trouble when they went fishing together back at the beginning of fall. It was the fourth time they had gone that week and both of them were giddy with the amount of fish they had caught when yet another nibble tugged at her line. Without thinking, Bash ran behind her and wrapped his arms around to help her reel in a particularly belligerent striped bass. As they struggled not to lose the fish, Muriel suddenly realized how close they were and how oddly wonderful it felt to be so near someone, particularly a good looking person of the male species. She had only just declared herself forever single and settled on the fact that no one would ever hold a candle to her late husband. Yet there she stood, scrambling to form a sentence once they successfully caught the fish; her lack of composure, though, had nothing to do with the excitement of catching the fish. Bash smiled at her and danced around as he had instantly inherited a fortune instead of simply just caught a decent sized bass. In that moment, she noticed that even though his pain was still raw, he had a passion for life that would shine through in moments like these. She realized he always took her outspokenness in stride, unaffected by her bold words and independent nature. Most men were not comfortable around a woman like that, and rarely did they ever seek out their company as often as Bash did.

Slipping on a patch of ice that covered her path, Muriel grabbed a tree and stopped herself from allowing the  _ thought _ that was about to enter her head, yet again. She refused to think of Bash in any way other than that of a companion, a fellow soldier in the battle of ‘moving on’. Glancing down at the brown paper package in her hand she became very aware that the care taken for each holly berry and bow heavily contradicted that statement. She huffed and kept walking through the icy cloud her breath had caused, determined to leave her  _ thoughts _ in the trees outside of the Blythe-LaCroix residence.

Before she made it to the front porch, Gilbert opened the door and was headed out until he stopped short in surprise. “Mrs. Stacy! I mean, Muriel, sorry…come in!” He stepped to the side to let her in as he walked out onto the porch.

“Hello Gilbert! Merry Christmas Eve!” Muriel began taking off her coat and hanging it by the door.

“Indeed it is! Bash is in the parlor. Not that you’re here to see him, I mean, everyone is in the parlor.” Gilbert shoved his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “Sorry I missed you, I have to get to a secret bonfire that was supposed to start after the adults were all asleep. The only benefit of being an orphan is I can go any time I so desire.” Gilbert laughed as he added, “not to mention, I doubt they all realize that a certain tiny person keeps this household up later than most!”

Muriel laughed at that and agreed, “ah yes, I have been privy to many late evenings where that certain tiny person insisted on playing instead of sleeping. I can’t say I blame her, toys are much more fun when she’s involved!”

“I agree! Seeing how much more intensely she plays than she did when I left for school has been not only fun, but quite interesting. I find myself still stacking blocks even once she has crawled off to the next adventure!” Gilbert walked down the steps and waved back at Muriel, “we still need to catch up soon!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the Cuthberts, I assume? Marilla kindly invited me for Christmas dinner and I plan on finally quizzing you and Anne both on your schooling, it won't be a graded test of course.” She winked as he assured her he would be there and ready to report.

When she shut the door and walked down the hall towards the parlor, Muriel was relieved to notice she felt much more at ease. A quick chat with Gilbert had settled her nerves and taken her mind off of her  _ thoughts _ .

Hazel yelled from the parlor, “Sebastian, don’t you dare look at me with those wild eyes of yours! I can see the trickery just oozin’ out of you!” and then she proceeded to screech so loud it made Muriel run down the rest of the hall in concern. The sight she was met with was Bash holding mistletoe over his mother as he tried to kiss her cheek, all while Elijah laughed so hard he was wheezing as he rolled on the couch near them. 

“You laugh now, boy, but he will be comin’ after you next if you aren’t careful!” Hazel straightened her apron and dusted herself off. “Who ever heard of such a ‘ting, kissing people whether or not they want to be kissed.”

Elijah noticed Muriel standing in the doorway first and said, “uh oh, Muriel you better run now or Bash just might come after you next!”

Bash stopped laughing and looked over to Muriel, his smile fading into an awkward glance as he handed the mistletoe to Delly who had crawled over to him and was reaching her chubby hands up as a request to investigate the object that was causing such delight in everyone. He knew Elijah meant it as a joke, but the tension caused by the thought of kissing Muriel, even under the innocent tradition of mistletoe, made Bash feel like he needed to move on very quickly from the subject; he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to allow himself to consider the thought himself. “Hey, Muriel! Merry Christmas Eve!” He pointed at the couch and said, “will you sit with us for a bit? We were just about to have hot cider.”

“Ah, that was the delicious smell I was met with the instant I walked into the house! Unfortunately no, I can’t stay. I don’t want to intrude on your family time during the holiday, plus I’m just making my festive rounds to wish everyone a Merry Christmas Eve, so I’m headed to the Cuthberts next.”

“Nonsense, you wouldn’t be intrudin’.” Bash looked sincere as he walked over to where she was still standing in the doorway. “You might as well be family. Delly has thrown up in your hair, you’ve cooked with Hazel, plowed with Elijah, and kept me sane - which is the most impressive task of them all.” His warm smile was almost enough to convince Muriel to stay, melting the ice wall she had built around her heart on her walk there just a tiny bit. They walked out to the kitchen together as Bash forced her to at least take a cup of cider with her to keep her warm on her walk. 

“Well, thank you for that incredibly sincere compliment, and for the incredibly delicious cider,” she took another sip as she mustered the courage to pull out the brown paper package. “Before I leave, though, I wanted to give you this. It’s nothing, really. Just a little hobby that I have been trying to improve on in my spare time. When I came across this, I thought you might enjoy it...”

Bash took the package and turned it over in his hands, saying, “I’m afraid to open it. I’ve never seen anythin’ wrapped so beautifully in my life!”

Muriel rolled her eyes and tried not to blush. “I get carried away sometimes, I’ll admit. I enjoy the process of wrapping as much as I enjoy giving the gift.” She shrugged as she waved him on.

He carefully undid the green string and unwrapped the paper so it didn’t rip. Inside was a small oil painting, only about the size of a slice of bread. The moment he saw the colors that were mixed in the sky he recognized the place depicted in the scene on the canvas. Then as his eyes swept across swaying palm trees and curvy sand dunes, it confirmed that he was indeed looking at Trinidad. He looked up at Muriel, holding back tears as he asked, “how? How did you capture this?”

“I have a good friend that has been to Trinidad, many years ago. Since it’s one of the places I never got around to visiting, I vividly remember when she showed me her painting that she acquired from a local artist on her trip there. She kindly had the painting sent to my house so that I could study it and do my best to duplicate it, since this is one of the easiest ways to improve my skill without access to a teacher. Avonlea is short on art instructors, I’m afraid.” She looked down at it suddenly, “I do hope I got the colors right! I did the best I could to match them with what I have on hand since Avonlea is short on oil paints as well. If they don't seem authentic to you then feel free to write a letter of complaint to the original artist,” she joked to try and cover her awkwardness.

Bash laughed through the lump in his throat and nodded, “no, they are absolutely perfect. I never thought I’d see Trinidad again, I just can’t believe I’m starin’ at her while the clouds outside are threatenin’ snow.” He ran his hands over the sky’s oranges and yellows, “it warms my forever-cold bones just to look at it. Thank you Muriel, it’s just perfect.”

Without thinking, he leaned in towards Muriel, pressing his lips against the apple of her cheek. She inhaled sharply in surprise and then held that breath as though letting it go would blow away the moment. Bash wasn’t exactly sure why he let his kiss linger on her cheek, but he was pretty sure why Muriel let him. He had suspected she had feelings for him, whether or not she knew it herself, and now he knew. Looking deep inside himself he could feel the seed had been planted in his heart as well, but it was too soon. Maybe in the new year, a year that his Mary won’t have been a part of, he could let that seed take root; for now, he was only willing to acknowledge it and accept that he would have to deal with the repercussions of it later.

“Your welcome, Bash. I’m glad you like it.” Muriel’s voice was hushed and breathless. She stepped back from him as Delly came crawling into the kitchen and sat down on her bottom, staring up at them inquisitively. “Don’t worry, I would never forget you, my dear.” She pulled out a small cloth bag from her coat packet that had red stars stamped all over the linen fabric. Muriel sat down on the ground with Delly as she helped her open it, guiding her little fingers around the string and opening the top so she could discover the treasure inside. Delly turned the bag over and dumped out an assortment of small wooden shapes, each one painted a different color of the rainbow. She immediately tried to eat the purple circle and Bash laughed as Muriel pulled it out of her mouth and showed her how to stack them instead. “It’s fun to try and eat them now, but very soon we will be learning our shapes and colors. This way you have a head start and can be the brightest girl in your class one day, as is naturally to be expected.”

Bash held out his hand and helped Muriel up. “Thank you again. We don’t deserve you and I don’t know what we did to get so lucky to have you in our lives, but I’m grateful.”

Muriel started putting on her coat and smiled at him, saying, “you have both made just as much of a mark on my life; I’m grateful the fates brought us together. Who knows what next year has in store! It’s a new century, I’m sure we can find some new adventures to sail towards together.” With that she was off to the Cuthberts, leaving Bash to ponder how closely her words had mirrored his own thoughts of the possibilities of next year. 

——

Gilbert was beaten to the bonfire site by Moody and Ruby who were sitting very close to each other on a log near their lantern, huddling together for warmth; at least he hoped that's all they were doing when he arrived. Apparently neither of them had any clue how to start a bonfire, Moody being more used to writing music than piling logs and Ruby recoiling at the prospect of possibly getting a splinter. So, Gilbert willingly took on the task of piling each log perfectly so that the fire received enough oxygen and could burn evenly. He enjoyed the physical labor after doing nothing but reading at a desk for the past few months, his muscles stretching and flexing as he made Moody help him roll a few more logs from the surrounding forest for everyone to sit at.

“Wow, Gilbert. You actually got Moody to do manual labor, that’s a first!” Josie Pyle joked as she and Jane Andrews walked up from the path.

“Hey! Leave Moody alone, he’s an artist and an intellectual,” Ruby said as she put her hand on her hip.

“Yeah, well so is Gilbert,” Jane said as she and Josie sat down on a log, “but he also can still build a fire.” As soon as she said that, the small embers that Gilbert had glowing suddenly caught onto a limb and burst into flames. “See?” Jane said, arrogant in the victory of her comment.

Ruby stuck her tongue out as Josie and Jane giggled. Gilbert caught Moody’s attention and then nodded his head at the very old and very dry wood that was piled next to the fire. Moody smiled and then grabbed a log, throwing it on top of the fire. The dead wood exploded with fire immediately, cracking and popping with the fierceness of a true Viking’s fire in Helheim. The girls all screamed and Ruby beamed with pride as Moody sat back down next to her on the log and nodded at Gilbert in thanks.

“Should I play some songs while we wait for the others?” Moody asked. He pulled out his banjo and started tuning it as Diana and Tilly walked up, James and Arthur both trailing not far behind Tilly. 

As the girls sat next to Josie, Tilly held up a heavy glass bottle full of a crystal clear liquid and waved it around for everyone to see, then asked, “moonshine, anyone?” Josie laughed and grabbed the bottle from Tilly, taking the first swig. “I snuck into my father’s stash that he thinks he has hidden so well. If only he knew my mother sneaks in there every Sunday and adds water to the bottle once she’s had her fill, so he doesn't notice any has gone missing!” Everyone laughed as they passed the bottle around, Moody’s banjo ringing clear through the cold air as the moonshine and the fire worked together to warm them all. They were happy to relive the last bonfire they had after their entrance exams were over, enjoying the moment and letting the worries of the world slip slowly away. They traded stories of college and reminisced about the ‘old days’ of when they were stuck in a room with Mr. Phillips all day.

Gilbert saw a speck of red in the corner of his eye and instinctively turned towards it. Anne was walking up the path looking tired, but in good spirits. He stood up quickly and noticed his legs already felt heavy thanks to Mr. Boulter’s moonshine. Shaking his head slightly to clear his mind he walked over to Anne to greet her.

Anne had worn Matthew’s ear off by talking so much on the long ride home and she was afraid she might still have too many words left in her mind to enjoy the evening. She processed her thoughts aloud, writing them with her hand as they formed into coherent sentences to her ears. Scratching entire lines out before rewording them completely, she was obsessed with using exactly the right words to convey the specific emotions she wanted to make sure no reader could avoid feeling as they read her article. Matthew had never been one known for having much to say, but he was an impeccable listener and offered his support and advice when she asked. There had been an ominous feeling dangling just out of reach in her mind all afternoon, but she was never made aware of exactly what was lurking in her mind; she tried to push past it and continue letting her words fill her journal instead. But when Anne saw Gilbert walking towards her, the roaring fire behind him etching his silhouette in contrast with the night sky, she felt the words leaving her mind and floating away with the smoke from the fire. He walked up to her with a smile, the smile he kept just for  _ her _ , and without any reservations wrapped his arms around her. 

He kissed her cheek softly and whispered in her ear, “I missed you.” His warm breath against her cold skin was her new definition of  _ bliss _ and she wished she could bottle the feeling up to keep with her forever. 

As she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, Anne said, “I missed you too. What an incredibly taxing day I’ve had. All worth it, but draining nonetheless.”

“Then as a somewhat educated medical professional, I highly advise you to come sit with your friends and have a drink of the horribly disgusting moonshine that Tilly brought.” Gilbert smiled coyly at her as she laughed out loud at his prescription and nodded. He slowly let go of her and took her hand, guiding her over to the fire to find an empty log to sit on. 

The boys all threw jabs and the girls all sighed as the two of them took a seat, Gilbert putting his arm around Anne and holding her close. 

“How was your visit with the Mi’kmaq?” Diana asked as she handed Anne the bottle of moonshine, trying to ignore the jealousy that was creeping up on her. She loved seeing Gilbert and Anne together finally, happy and in love. She did not love the feeling of regret she had for her own decisions that kept the space next to her empty of a certain French accent.

Anne rubbed her hands, still sore from all the writing she had done that afternoon. The disturbing feeling made its way through her mind again, floating around the edges but never coming forward. “It was...compelling. Seeing Ka’kwet again eased the ache I had felt while agonizing about her situation for the past few months. But the wretchedness of those evil people...the unrelenting pain that was forced on her, that she will never be free from…” she took a swig from the bottle and grimaced at the taste. She looked up from the fire she had been staring into and stared into her friends' eyes instead, connecting Ka’kwet’s story with her own and telling them of the horrors she had heard earlier that day. They all listened quietly, absorbing the details as though Anne was telling them a scary fireside story instead of a truth that she had seen with her own eyes. Ruby began to cry quietly, Moody comforting her as she quickly wiped the tears from her cheek. 

Josie was the first to speak up and say, “something needs to be done about this. This can’t go on,  _ no one _ should be forced to do anything they don't want to!”

Diana nodded in agreement, “yes, Anne, this isn’t right. What are you going to do about it?”

“How can  _ we _ help?” Gilbert asked. Everyone agreed and nodded along. 

Anne looked over at Gilbert and smiled, appreciating everyone’s fervent desire to help her bring justice to the situation. She thought for a moment and then said, “I feel like I need to do something big. I plan on writing my thoughts into an expository article for  _ The Globe _ , and although I have first-hand witness accounts from myself and from an actual victim, that doesn’t mean anything will happen or that they will even publish the article. How about this: once I submit it I can let you all know how it goes, and we can take it from there? If they won't publish it, perhaps we can get our old protest signs out and show them a little bit of what the experienced Avonlea youth know about starting an uprising.” She smiled wickedly as she took another big gulp of the moonshine, letting the burn travel down her throat and ignite the fire of rebellion inside her. She stood up and held the bottle out, yelling, “one revolution is like a drink, it just gets you ready for the next one!” 

Everyone laughed and Diana stood up with her, grabbing the bottle and passing it around after taking another ladylike sip for herself. “To the revolution! And to our fearless captain, may she continue to bravely lead us onward in the face of grumpy old men censoring newspaper content!” Everyone cheered and Gilbert gazed proudly at his fierce and formidable Anne with an E.

The group of friends all continued reminiscing of their days fighting the powers that be, laughed and teased each other as they compared the difficulty of their school projects, and joked about who would get married first and who would have the most kids.

Anne felt the moonshine smoothing out the lines of her focus, her thoughts becoming velvety soft and sliding freely about her mind. She was enjoying her time with her friends, she was enjoying her time sitting so close to Gilbert, and yet Ka’kwet’s pain still slithered to the forefront of her mind. Anne didn’t like that her friend suffered, she didn't like it when  _ anyone  _ suffered, and she wasn’t sure why. The menacing feeling crept up her spine and into her mind again, closer than ever before to showing its true form. She stood up abruptly, swaying a bit so that Gilbert had to catch her. “I need some air,” was all she said.

As she stumbled away from the fire, Gilbert ran after her. “Hey, are you okay?” His words and the look of concern on his face triggered a flash; the sinister memory from long ago finally able to wriggle into her soft mind.

_ “Hey, are you okay?” Helen whispered as she grabbed Anne’s shoulders, shaking her roughly and forcing her to look up into her eyes. Anne shook her head to say yes, although she was definitely not okay. If she showed any sign of weakness, even one drop, the other girls would pounce on her like a lioness to its prey, so she lied.  _

_ “I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.” Anne moved her hand over the blood that was already drying, trying to hide how deep the wound had actually been on her scrawny arm.  _

_ “I’ll go find a bandage, let me just-” _

_ “NO!” Anne yelled. “Don’t. You can’t be nice to me, the girls won’t leave you alone if you are. Just let me deal with it on my own, I promise you will be better off for it.” She ran away from the older girl, sneaking into the supply closet to find an old bandage that had probably been used and put back without cleaning. It would just have to do, the bleeding would never stop if she didn’t wrap it. _

_ “You’re not as bad as they say, you know.”  _

_ Anne turned around and whispered, “I told you to leave me alone! No one can get close to me, MaryJo will find some way to torture you too, she never runs out of ideas.” She pushed past the girl and tried to walk away, but Helen grabbed her hand and stopped her. _

_ “Come on, Anne. I want to be your friend. Don’t you want a friend? Someone on your side?” Helen smiled at her and waited for a response. _

_ Anne couldn't help but feel her heart lift slightly in her chest. This new girl had only just arrived at the orphanage and she had been very quiet the entire time, not speaking to anyone and keeping mostly to herself. A rat scurried past them in the hall, squeaking as it searched for a crumb of anything. Unaffected by its presence, the girls continued their conversation. _

_ “If you want to be my friend, then you must make up a special secret name that only we know and can call each other. Okay?” Helen grinned and nodded in agreement. “Mine is Princess Cordelia, the effervescent heir to the throne of a fairy kingdom that is hidden behind the walls of Saint Albans Orphanage.” Anne curtsied and asked, “and what, might I ask, is your name, fair maiden?” _

_ Helen thought for a moment and said, “Joan of Arc?” _

_ “Not very original, but it will do for now.” Anne laughed and looped her arm through Helen’s and began walking down the hall. “Come, warrior Joan. I heard there were some trolls living in the bell tower. We must vanquish them before they find my fairy kingdom and devour my family!” Anne stopped abruptly, “oh, and I must inform you that Princess Cordelia’s hair is the color of a raven’s feathers, NOT that of a rotten old carrot. Just so you know how to imagine her properly!” _

_ Helen still mostly kept to herself the following week, the more Anne tried to speak to her the more she seemed to ignore her. Unsure of what she did wrong, Anne tried to run through their interactions in her mind, searching for some error in her ways. Finally, one morning after chores MaryJo came up to Anne and curtsied to her.  _

_ “I heard we had a princess living in the orphanage,” MaryJo sneered. “I just wanted to come pay my respects, see if there was anything I could do for her highness Princess Cordelia?”  _

_ Anne’s entire body was frozen in fear and shame. Behind MaryJo she could see Helen smirking and staring at Anne without remorse. Confused, Anne asked her, “I thought you were my friend?” _

_ “HA!” MaryJo barked a mirthless laugh at Anne, spittle hurling from her mouth and landing on Anne’s face. “Did you really think anyone would ever want to be your friend? How could a person be friends with garbage?” She looked around to all the other girls and shrugged her shoulders as they nodded along. “Just doesn’t make sense, does it? Someone being friends with a stinking, disgusting pile of steaming garbage.” She moved closer to Anne, bending over until she was only centimeters away from Anne’s face, her putrid breath causing Anne to hold back a gag. “You’re not just nothing, Princess Cordelia, you’re LESS than nothing. You’re the garbage that sits on the side of the road and rots, no one willing to even take it away.” MaryJo stood up and yelled, “hear ye, hear ye! The raven-haired Princess Cordelia needs some assistance with her hair, since it seems to have turned sour on her. Marie! Bring it over. It’s time for the princess to get what’s coming to her.” _

_ The girls that surrounded them proceeded to hold Anne down on the filthy ground while MaryJo took a dead raven and sat it on Anne’s chest. She screamed until her throat hurt as the smell of rotting flesh filled her nose, bile rising from her stomach at the stench of death emanating from the bird. Plucking the feathers from the dead bird, MaryJo began to shove them into Anne’s hair, weaving them into the knots that were permanently unable to be combed out. Bits of flesh came lose with the feathers, the bird obviously having been kept hidden in mind for this torture for a few days at least.  _

_ As Anne screamed through the tears that flooded her face, Helen just stood to the side and watched, smiling the entire time; confirming the fact that no one would ever truly love her for who she was. She could never trust that anyone would choose to be close to her, for she was, and always would be, unworthy of love. _

“ANNE! What’s wrong?” Gilbert interrupted her memory. “You’re scaring me, your pulse is too fast and your pupils are dilated! Please, talk to me…” 

Anne looked around her, taking in her surroundings. She was sitting on part of the crumbling stone wall that surrounded the bonfire site, shivering even though she felt hot and clammy. Gilbert was crouched in front of her and holding her face in his hands. His worry was extremely evident, even though they were far enough away from the fire that she could barely see his face. The tears began to flow as fast as the words as she recounted the memory to him, not sparing any detail of the gore and horror she had experienced. She had never once told anyone of her time in the orphanage, only Cole knew of Princess Cordelia and the lies she told herself to survive that wretched place. 

Gilbert tried to hide his reactions to her words, holding in the rage he felt at each new bit of information Anne revealed. He had never asked her about her time there, and now he knew why he had avoided it. Not being ignorant of the hardships that other orphans faced made him more aware of the circumstances she most likely had encountered, but he could have never imagined the words falling from Anne’s beautiful lips at that moment. When she got to the ending, though, the true depravity of the situation she endured, he could feel no more rage, no more anger; he only felt deep and utter sorrow. 

They sat in silence as Gilbert held Anne tightly, listening to the sound of their friends laughing and the fire crackling far behind them. Anne cried into Gilbert’s shoulder as she was finally allowed to feel her pain, for once. No moving the conversation along to happier topics, no deflecting her own pain and focusing on someone else’s. Gilbert held onto her as she sat in her trauma, grieving the childhood she never had. 

“I’m so sorry,” Anne sniffled as she wiped her eyes. “I think reliving Ka’kwet’s pain has stirred up some of my own, like a storm at sea dredging up old artifacts from the water’s depths.”

Gilbert wiped his thumb across her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m no stranger to pain, but that...Anne, that was violence against an innocent child. You shouldn’t have had to go through that, no one should.”

Anne nodded, “I’m beginning to realize that.”

They sat in silence for a moment until Gilbert whispered, “I love you, Anne.” The words almost made her recoil, words that she had longed to hear - specifically from him - for so long. And yet, at a time when she needed to hear them most, they felt wrong to her ears. Like they weren’t actually meant for her, but someone standing behind her instead. Gilbert felt her stiffen and asked what was wrong.

“Creating tales of different worlds was the only way I could escape a fate that I didn’t want to admit was my reality,” Anne said quietly. “My pathetic imagination is literally what saved my life. I lived every single day in those lunatic ravings - those stories - because there I was safe, there I was loved. So when real life mirrors those stories, it’s hard for me to believe that it’s actually truth. My mind lied to me for so many years, why should I now trust it so completely and without reservation?”

Gilbert stared at with a confused look growing on his face. “Because your mind is what I love the most about you; it’s what I  _ envy _ the most about you. When I am faced with a problem I want to run away from it, sometimes literally on a ship to the other side of the world. Even in an orphanage, even being exposed to the most unimaginable horrors possible, you found the  _ beauty  _ and lived there instead.” He thought for a moment, adding, “will this ever stop? Will I ever be able to prove that my love for you is real?” His confusion was turning to hurt, which often expressed itself dressed in the robes of anger. “Let me slay those dragons for you, Anne. Let me prove that you can be thoroughly and completely loved, that you are worthy of more love than any other person I know!”

Anne looked up at him, her blue eyes reflecting the light of the moon that was beginning to cover itself in a blanket of snow clouds. She wanted to let him slay her dragons, but knew that was impossible. If she had learned anything, it was that sometimes under stress it was hard to truly hear what another person was saying, even if it was someone important to you. She knew the events of her past had to loosen their grip on her, which thankfully had already started to transpire in the past three years while living in the safety of Green Gables. They would need to take their place in her story, not overcome her, neither be forgotten, but exist as her history and part of what made her  _ Anne _ .

“Sometimes this melancholy will overtake me, Gilbert. You should be made aware of this if we are to be together, it’s only fair.” Anne stood up and dusted herself off. “I’m sorry that these thoughts constantly burn the edges of my mind, I’m better than I used to be and I’m working on it still...but not every dragon can be slain. Sometimes melancholy can only be overcome by melancholy. Sitting in the pain and letting it overtake me has helped before, I suppose it’s all I know to do.” She kissed him on the cheek then, barely long enough for him to even feel her lips against his skin. He longed to feel the connection again, the sensation of having her all to himself as they melded into one. He was desperate to show her how breathtaking and remarkable and worthy she was. Instead, he let her walk away from him as the first snowflakes began to fall quietly from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I never read the books, but I found out that when Anne visited the orphanage with Cole that it was actually supposed to be with Gilbert! I loved her bonding moment with Cole so I’m happy they did that in the show, but I wanted her to have that with Gilbert too. Thank you Lake9 for the prompt to show some more of Anne's past trauma!! It's what drew me to this show, they talk about topics that no other show even touches, and I love it. But dude I struggled to Shirbert conflict :( I pressured myself into writing a fight (is this even a fight haha) between Anne and Gilbert because there’s no way it would feel authentic if everything was perfect for these two stubborn love birds right?? I swear they better not be upset with each other ever again lol I can’t handle it! I hope it’s not too angsty, but just the right amount of angsty haha
> 
> FYI here are two people I stole quotes from and twisted them for Anne’s use:  
> “One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.” - Will Rogers. (One of the sassiest cowboys/philosophers to ever exist)  
> “Melancholy can be overcome only by melancholy.” - Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy (One of the most hilariously dramatic scholars of the 17th century)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m posting two chapters because I love you guys 😂 and also I just keep somehow ending up with longer chapters lol so I split this one up. Ugh I hope I’m not getting too wordy! Enjoy!! ❤️

The sand that Anne was sure had found its way into her eyes during the night was a most unwelcome way to start her day. She rubbed them sleepily and instantly remembered why her eyes hurt before she had even had a chance to open them: she had spent a good deal of time crying the night before. Groaning as she recalled her conversation with Gilbert and the memories that engulfed her at the bonfire, Anne took inventory of herself before she dared to even open one sandy eye and face the morning. She felt better, she decided after searching her heart; it was clear that not fighting the pain was the right decision. Her walk through the snow had been cold but useful, helping her manage her feelings by laying them all out in the flakes that fell on her shoulders and then dusting them off once she walked through the door of Green Gables. Did she occasionally have difficulty accepting that Gilbert’s love was not all just a facade? Yes. Must it ruin her relationship with him? No. She would make sure they had a chance to talk later that day at Christmas dinner and figure out their plan of action as partners.

Anne bolted upright in her bed, eyes wide and gasping for air before she screamed, “it’s Christmas!” loud enough for the entire house to hear. She immediately noticed that her window was particularly bright that morning, casting a white light over her room that was more luminescent than a typical winter morning. She threw the quilt off of her and scampered over to the frosty panes so she could have a look outside, her sandy eyes completely forgotten. “And it snowed! It actually snowed on Christmas! Could there be anything more romantical?” She opened her window without thinking and was met with a frigidity that had not been there in the days leading up to Christmas. The cold air stole her breath but gifted her a smile. Reaching out to her favorite tree, bare of all its leaves but covered in fluffy white flakes, Anne said, “hello, dear friend! You look stunning on this special Christmas morning. The snow has adorned you with quite a lovely gown! Oh, and look,” she gasped as she noticed tiny icicles dangling on the underside of each branch, shining in the little bit of sun that was peeking through the clouds, “some exquisite jewelry to match! How lucky you are that Mother Nature has decided to bestow upon you such a beautiful Christmas ensemble, my dear friend. Although you are quite worthy of her affections, I do wish she had a spare outfit that she could lend to me as well.” She shut the window before Marilla came running up the stairs wondering where the draft was coming from. She opened her closet and took her cream-colored blouse and dark blue skirt out and stared at them. “I supposed this will have to do though, for now at least. Marilla and I will be baking all day, you see, so Mother Nature will just have to hold onto any fancy dresses she wishes to give me until later.” 

As Anne ran down the stairs she immediately caught the delicious scent of the pumpkin bread that Matthew was pulling out of the oven. Cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg all mingled in the air to make Anne’s mouth water before she could even start setting the table for breakfast. 

“Merry Christmas, Anne! Did you sleep well?” Marilla asked as she looked at her through her spectacles, giving off the impression that she was very aware that Anne had been out late.

“And a very Merry Christmas to you too, Marilla!” Anne chose her next words carefully, “I’m well-rested enough to help you bake all day and enjoy the festivities all evening, thank you for asking.”

Matthew signaled at Anne to come over to him as he said, “Merry Christmas, Anne.” He held out a closed fist and Anne looked over at Marilla who was busy scrubbing the pumpkin bread pan. She held her hand out and Matthew dropped some candied orange into her palm and winked at her before going back about his business.

At breakfast, Marilla and Anne excitedly went over their special holiday menu and made a list of what order they should cook everything in to make the best use of the one and only oven they had. Marilla had already brined the turkey in rosemary and sea salt and would put that in the oven first. The oyster dressing would go in next while they prepared the carrots and turnips. “I’ll start the bread dough now so it will have time to rise. We will need at least three loaves to feed everyone, don't you think?” Marilla asked.

Anne felt proud that Marilla was asking her opinion and nodded enthusiastically, “at least! Everyone does love your bread.”

Marilla smiled at the compliment, saying, “well I wouldn't know about that. It’s probably because I steam it while it bakes - a family secret, you know...” she tapped her nose and then dumped a handful of flour out onto the table for kneading. “Did you finally decide on what to make for the desert?”

“Last night, after…” she stopped and cleared her throat before she admitted to being out late. Once she arrived home from the bonfire, roused by her walk in the snow, she had a stroke of inspiration. “After I couldn’t sleep due to an overactive mind, I decided to mix together one of Mary's recipes so it could sit overnight.” She grabbed a bowl that had a piece of white cloth laid over the top and a brown string tied around it. As she slid the cloth off to show Marilla the contents inside, she said, “I’m going to try and make her plum pudding! It’s the most traditional Christmas dish, and I have never once tasted it. I do hope it turns out alright.”

“Just follow exactly what Mary said, and you’ll do fine,” Marilla encouraged as she began kneading the sticky dough in her hands. 

Anne dug in her pocket for a penny she had brought downstairs for the sole purpose of hiding in the pudding. She noticed Marilla who was staring at her in horror and said, “it’s for good luck! Whoever finds it will have a bountiful new year, according to the legend I read about dating back to the fourteenth century. A fortuitous blessing on a loved one - in not only a new year but a new century as well - sounds like the perfect way to spend a penny!” Anne wrapped the cloth around the top of the bowl again and tied it securely. Setting it gently into a pot of water, she began to steam the pudding gently and asked the kitchen fairies to watch over it for her. “Since this has to steam for a few hours, do you mind if I quickly run over to Diana’s? They have the most flawless holly bush I’ve ever seen - I named her Noelle, isn’t that just the most fitting name you could ever think of for a holly bush? Anyway, I wanted a sprig for the top of the pudding and I’d like some to decorate the table with as well.”

“Yes, that’s fine. Just make sure you’re back in time to help me shuck the oysters.” Anne was already running towards the door to put on her coat and scarf, adding a hat for extra warmth. She agreed and bolted out the door as Marilla yelled, “I don't want to get stuck doing that by myself while you’re off gathering plants to bring inside the house!” The door slammed and Marilla was shaking her head as she smiled, mumbling to herself, “that girl does love to bring the outdoors in, for some reason. Always has.”

——

“And then he said, ‘ _I didn't want better than you, I just wanted you_ ’ with his perfect accent even heavier than normal - I think just to chagrin me even more!” Diana was almost yelling at this point, recounting her conversation with Jerry now that she and Anne were alone and able to confide in each other.

Anne was reaching for a particularly perfect branch of white pine as she stood on top of Diana’s fence, determined to retrieve it for her holiday table centerpiece. She stopped stretching and looked down at Diana who was holding her legs to keep her steady. “Jerry said that?!” She paused for a moment and then gave Diana an impressed look before returning to the branch she sought after. “Wow. I didn’t know he had it in him. Impressive...” She finally snapped the branch free and hopped down from the fence without any damage to herself or her clothes. 

“This is serious, Anne! I am so confused,” Diana exclaimed.

Anne gave her a concerned look and asked, “what is confusing you, exactly?”

“I’m confused because I don't understand why I even want things to be cleared up with Jerry in the first place!” Diana groaned in exasperation. “I apologized, which was the right thing to do, but why do I still feel like I want more from him? Why do I care that he said he wanted me - _just_ me.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her feet, almost ashamed of what she was about to admit to her bosom buddy. “Why do I miss him?”

Anne dropped the pine branch and hugged her friend, hoping to console her. “Well, there are two options, the way I see it. One: he was your first love and it’s natural to miss that splendid sensation you experienced while with him. Or two…” Anne pulled away and made Diana look her in the eye, “option two is that you have deeper feelings for him and you need to evaluate them before you make any more decisions. Jerry is like my brother, and although I was upset that you hid your relationship from me, I was also upset that you both got hurt. Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen again by figuring out what is going on in that beautiful head of yours and make sure you follow your heart. Pinky promise?” She held out her pinky to Diana who took it and nodded.

“Pinky promise.” Diana knew that it was important to get things right with Jerry this time around. They picked up the branches and began walking back through the snow-covered field again, each lost in their own thoughts for a moment. Not wanting to be impolite by taking up all the time they had together by only talking about her issues, Diana changed the subject by asking, “how are things with Gilbert? Was your time in Charlottetown together enjoyable?”

Anne spun merrily around in a circle, using the pine branches she held as wings for her flight of delight. “It was positively sublime! We had lunch and then went for a walk to my secret spot at Aunt Jo’s. He loved it, of course, and it was very nice to have time to ourselves, just to talk and, you know...just be together.”

Diana threw a suspicious smile in Anne’s direction, asking, “were his kisses as exceptional as the one I witnessed?”

“Diana!” Anne gasped, feigning shock at her presuming question. “A lady would never speak of such things!” Anne looked around as if they were in danger of being overheard in the middle of a field after a snowstorm on Christmas Day. “But yes, I’ll admit he is a superb kisser.” The girls both giggled as Anne’s cheeks turned as red as her hair. “Not that I have any experience to compare it to. He is so sweet, and yet somehow...electrifying. I wish I could accept his love more readily, it is becoming quite exhausting battling my mind over and over again.”

“What do you mean?” Diana asked, confused at what Anne could be fighting.

They had arrived back at the Barry residence and immediately proceeded to collect holly berries from the bush out front. “Some small voice keeps telling me that it’s all a charade, that the curtain will soon fall and I will see that he never truly loved me. My heart _knows_ that’s not true, but my mind doesn’t; not yet, anyway. I am determined to overcome this adversity, as I have all others. I can look back and realize that I felt these same apprehensions with Marilla and Matthew at first, just waiting for the moment when they would realize they didn’t want me anymore and unceremoniously drop me back on the orphanage’s steps. I even felt it with you.” Anne looked up at Diana, setting her basket full of berries and pine branches down on the ground next to them. “I’m not sure the exact moment that I finally accepted you were truly interested in being my friend, but I do remember the unease that would come over me every morning on the way to school, wondering if you would still want to sit next to me or leave me for the other girls instead.”

It was Diana’s turn to hug her friend. “Anne, you are a better friend than I deserve and I am the lucky one to have you in my life. I would have been shipped off to finishing school, hopelessly despondent and despising every moment of my miserable fate, if it wasn’t for you. Every day is better for having you in it. Do you doubt our friendship now?”

Anne shook her head at Diana and simply said, “of course not.”

“Or Matthew and Marilla’s devotion?” Diana added.

“Not even the tiniest bit,” Anne said with confidence.

Diana looked triumphant as her point was made. “Okay then, with time your mind will catch up with your heart and you will be just as unwavering in Gilbert’s affection for you.”

“See, this is why I’m the lucky one to have _you_ as _my_ friend, Diana. Your forthright and constructive advice is always exactly what my mind _and_ my heart need to hear!” Anne hugged her one last time before she said her goodbyes, making her way back to Green Gables to finish her preparations for the holiday feast.

——

The warm light from the candles was dancing across the sugared pears and cranberries as Anne gently placed them amongst the white pine on the dining table. Each fruit and berry looked as though it had been crystallized in a perfect winter frost, but when tasted it would give a surprise burst of sweetness from the sugary coating. She had arranged the pine branches to run down the middle of the table with crisp white candles spaced out amongst the needles to delicately light the room as they ate dinner. The silverware and plates were all spaced perfectly, Anne preemptively knowing Marilla would want them set as though the Queen herself was coming. She nestled a pomander orange on each place setting in a bed of rosemary, the cloves studded on each orange in a whimsical swirl to match her whimsical mood. 

“There must be more magic tethered to Christmas Day than any other day, wouldn’t you agree?” Anne asked Marilla as she was carrying in the turnips to set on the table. 

Marilla stopped and stared at the twinkling sight before her, her look of astonishment tuning to a look of merriment. “It does seem to be so, doesn’t it? Especially when Anne Shirley-Cuthbert has anything to do with it.” She set the bowl down and put her arm around Anne’s shoulders. “You’ve done a wonderful job, Anne. It’s a beautiful setting for our guests to enjoy.” Anne beamed up at her, soaking in Marilla’s compliments as she felt her pride filled to the brim and overflowing. “Now, let’s get this food that we have labored over all day onto the table before everyone arrives.”

Muriel was the first to arrive, bringing along sweet potatoes and a bag of special coffee she had received as a gift from one of her friends in Columbia. Hazel and Elijah arrived next, with Hazel’s signature baked fish and oyster sauce mingling in the air with the scent of the roasted turkey and causing everyone’s mouth to water. Bash and Gilbert weren't far behind, attributing their tardiness to Delly’s incessant need for an emergency nappy change every time they were meant to leave the house. 

As everyone else bustled around the house, quickly removing coats and setting food on the table in hopes of eating while it was still hot, Gilbert focused on Anne. She had only put half of her hair up, leaving some scarlet waves flowing down her back, and making him wonder if that was just for him. The blue of her skirt matched her eyes as they shimmered in the candlelight she had set out on the table. He walked over to her as she was placing a basket of bread at the end of the table, away from everyone.

“Merry Christmas, Anne. The table looks amazing,” Gilbert said as he picked up a sugared cranberry and popped it into his mouth, “and tastes amazing too.”

Anne had felt a bit unsure of how to act around Gilbert, the intensity of the night before and the confusion of him being there with the intention of asking to officially begin courting her had muddled her mind. But as he stood there, his inviting smile lighting up his face as he teased her, she felt the tension leave her chest and the familiar sensation of butterflies filled her instead. 

He reached out and took her hand, gently kissing it before anyone noticed, and whispered, “you look as lovely tonight as you do any other night, but there seems to be more magic surrounding you than normal. It must be Christmas?”

Before she could respond, Bash yelled for him from the kitchen asking for help with carrying in the turkey. He smiled as he rolled his eyes and went to make sure their dinner didn’t end up on the floor.

It was moments like this that deepened the roots of the blossom that was growing in her heart. Trusting in Diana’s words, she knew that she was capable of letting that love grow over time. Gilbert never held his words back from her, he was free to let them sprinkle over the blossom, helping it stretch higher and higher each day. Even after the discord of the night before, he still approached her with just as much optimism and tenderness as any new growth just erupting from the earth would need. His innate proficiency in pursuing what he wanted in life with a cheerful determination was exactly what attracted Anne to him, and she was overcome with joy that _she_ was what he wanted to pursue; she was the fond object of his affection and his desire.

It always had been and always would be her.

Everyone began to take their seats and pass around the food, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. As they ate, the diverse and willingly-formed “family” of individuals felt even more connected than ever before; each person having previously lost someone in tragedy, but having found each other in destiny.

Bash suddenly spit out a bite of food, causing everyone to stop and stare at him. He dug around in the pile on his plate and pulled out a shiny copper penny, holding it up for everyone to see.

“You found it!” Anne yelled. “You found the lucky penny in the pudding! That means next year will hold unyielding good fortune for you and bring you much happiness. I can’t think of a person more deserving.” 

Bash stared at Anne like she had lost her mind. “You mean to tell me that almost chokin’ to death on a coin is meant to bring me good luck?” Anne nodded enthusiastically. “Well, I suppose I will take all the help I can get,” he responded and put the penny in his pocket as everyone laughed. He glanced at Muriel, who was seated across from him smiling and congratulating him on his new fortune.

“Perhaps you should bury it in the soil next spring, maybe it’s luck will help bring a bountiful harvest,” Muriel jested. She was happy that Bash had found the coin and hoped it lifted his spirits. 

Bash was intrigued that he found the coin, in Mary’s pudding no less, and wondered if it was a blessing sent from above in regards to the upcoming year. “Might as well; anythin’ to make more apples for Mr. Barry to have to ship off to England sounds like a good idea to me!”

As they were clearing the table of dishes, Gilbert thanked Anne for making Mary’s recipe. “I know Delly doesn’t understand yet, but I think it’s wonderful that she still has a piece of Mary in her life. And based on the bits of pudding squished between her fingers and covering her mouth at the moment, I think she loved it too.” They both looked over at Delly as she was still trying to devour every crumb and laughed. 

Everyone gathered around the tree in the sitting room and sang a few carols; some slow and melodic, some swift and merry. Elijah suggested playing a game which everyone immediately was in favor of. “The game is called Find the Thimble and is every man for himself. Someone will hide this,” he said as he took the thimble from Marilla who had just found one in her sewing kit and handed it to him, “thank you Marilla. Someone will hide this in plain sight here in the sitting room while we all wait out in the dining room. Once it’s hidden we all try to find it and as soon as you spot it you have to sit down, right where you are, without giving away the location to the other players. The last one standing is out, and we continue to play until there is a champion. Any questions?”

Matthew raised his hand and added, “no question, but I think I might have a nice prize of candied orange that I’m willing to donate to the winner, whoever he or she may be.”

Elijah nodded and said, “well then, may the best man, or woman, win! I’ll hide it first.” He shooed everyone out of the sitting room and began to look for a good spot to hide the tiny thimble. When he beckoned for everyone to come in and begin their search, Muriel was the first to sit down almost as soon as she walked into the room. Delly crawled over to her, assuming she had only sat down in order to play with her. Bash and Anne sat down at the same time, followed closely by Gilbert then Marilla. Hazel squinted her eyes at Matthew and said, “oh dear, what’s that on your shirt? Did you drop a bit of sauce on your buttons there, darlin’?” As Matthew looked down at his shirt, Hazel scoured the room quickly and spotted the thimble, sitting down so quickly she almost fell over in the process. The room erupted with laughter as Matthew admitted defeat and said he’d go fetch the prize while everyone continued to play. 

Bash was the next one out, distracted by a tired Delly who was commanding most of his attention. Muriel was out next, suddenly going from always being the first one to sit, to being the last. She joined Bash in the kitchen with Delly, offering to hold her while he made a bottle. Hazel and Marilla were the next ones out, both offering excuses of their old eyes at a disadvantage in the poor lighting, leaving just Anne and Gilbert as contenders for the final prize. 

“Okay,” Elijah announced, “for this last round I’m not going to hold back. It will be hidden in a very discreet place, detectable only by the keenest of eyes.” He went back into the sitting room and left everyone in suspense.

Anne glared at Gilbert, saying, “watch yourself, Blythe. I intend to defend my title as reigning champion of any and all competitions between us.”

Gilbert’s eyebrows shot up amusingly as he replied, “oh, yeah? It will be amusing just to watch you try, Carrots.”

Elijah called them in from the other room and they both ran as quickly as they could. Anne started her search low, thinking that would be a smart change of pace since Elijah had mostly hidden it up high up until then. Gilbert followed Elijah’s pattern of hiding it up high, suspecting he hadn’t thought of changing his hiding place habit. Anne was beginning to get frustrated, not wanting to lose to Gilbert, when she saw a glint in the corner of her eye on the Christmas tree. She ran over to it and saw the thimble carefully placed next to an ornament on the tree. Sitting down as quickly as she could she yelled out in triumph as Gilbert turned around from the bookshelf he was inspecting. 

“Victory is mine!! I shall forever reign as the queen of all duels!” Anne exclaimed as Gilbert helped her up, laughing at her assertions of glory.

“I relent, my queen.” Gilbert bowed as Anne gave him a regal nod. “You have conquered me in more ways than one, I believe.”

Anne smiled at him and said, “and if you’re nice, I’ll share and let you help me conquer the candied orange prize.”

“Deal,” he said as he gave her a brilliant smile that was better than any other prize she could have won.


	11. Chapter 11

Later that evening, while they all sat around drinking the coffee that Muriel brought, Anne asked Gilbert if he wanted to see her mother’s book, _The Language of Flowers_. 

“Sure, I’d love to! Where is it?” Gilbert asked.

“Upstairs, in my room! Come on, I’ll show you,” Anne said as she started towards the staircase, leaving Gilbert suddenly surprised that he was being asked to go to Anne’s room.

They snuck up the stairs while everyone was busy quietly sipping and noting how precious Delly looked as she slept in Muriel’s arms. Gilbert felt his nerves rising as he climbed each step. Following behind Anne, he remembered taking the same steps only months before to leave the note professing his love for her. She held his hand as she guided him through the tiny hallway to her room, the room he never thought he would be _invited_ into. She let go of his hand and began to dig in her trunk for the book, muttering about the mess of traveling as she searched. Gilbert stood in the doorway, unsure if it was proper to be in the room with Anne alone, although he had already been in there once before without her. She stood up as she found the book and sat down on the end of her bed, patting the spot next to her.

“Come see it!” Anne sat there with one foot tucked under her other leg and completely unaware of the possible impropriety of the situation. The excitement of finally showing Gilbert her mother’s book overshadowed any sense of decorum.

Gilbert sat down as far away from her at the head of the bed as possible, completely aware that there was a room full of adults just downstairs, two of which he expected to ask to court Anne and hear a “yes” from. Anne scooted closer and handed him the book, peering over his shoulder as he began to flip through it.

“That’s my father’s handwriting! I wonder what his accent sounded like when he spoke? We had a Scottish housekeeper at the orphanage once, but she left after finding frogs in her bed every night for three weeks straight, so I never really got to devote the sound of her voice to memory.” She pointed at an empty spot on a page, “oh that’s where I removed the red poppy I sent you! I replaced it with the clematis bloom that you sent to me at Blackmore.”

Gilbert ran his hands over the handwritten notes in the margins, feeling the connection to the woman that gave birth to his Anne. When he reached the end and saw the portrait of Bertha, his mouth fell open. “Anne, you look so much like her! Not just the hair color, but her eyes too.” He looked up at her then as those same eyes were glistening, a single tear threatening to escape. “Thank you for sharing this with me. It makes me happy to know that you will now have this piece of them with you forever.”

Anne nodded her head as the tear finally broke free and ran down her cheek. Gilbert wiped it away with his thumb, his hand lingering on her cheek as he stared at her. The moonlight was beaming through the window, causing a halo to shimmer around her as she took his hand again and held it in hers.

“I’m sorry for the way last night ended,” Gilbert said. “You were in distress and I was in a hurry to fix you. I thought about it all night and I realize that you’re right, not everything can be fixed right away. I have a bad habit of being faced with a problem and wanting to make things immediately right again.”

“I’m sorry for the way it ended as well. I know it can be frustrating for you not being able to help, I’ve seen it for myself many times. Like with Mary…” Anne paused as she remembered comforting Gilbert after they learned Mary only had a few weeks to live. “I think we are a fantastic team though. I need you to push forward, to never give up. And I can keep you steady and grounded. Individually we are strong, but together? Together, we are a force to be reckoned with.”

Gilbert stared at her, amazed yet again at the way her mind worked. “Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, I intend to make you Anne Blythe one day.” Anne’s eyes widened in shock, never expecting Gilbert’s candidness, but always being thrilled by it. “I am aware that I have yet to even ask Marilla and Matthew to officially court you, but you should be aware that I desperately need you in my life and I will make sure that _nothing_ stands in the way of that happening. Not even my own incessant need to fix things.” 

Anne didn’t know what to say. She was rarely rendered speechless, and somehow when it did occasionally happen it always seemed to be Gilbert Blythe that caused it. She finally mumbled, “well it’s a good thing I’m stubborn enough to make sure you don’t stand in your own way either.”

Gilbert laughed out loud at that, agreeing that her stubbornness did come in handy from time to time. “What do you think about talking to Felix about, well, everything? He sent me a telegraph stating that he decided to jump ship and leave his family’s house for New Year’s Eve and plans on coming to Aunt Jo’s party instead…I’m sure he might have some interesting insight into how you can process your time at the orphanage? If I can’t help, then maybe someone else can?”

Smiling at Gilbert’s attempts to support her, no matter the method, she agreed that it sounded like an interesting conversation to be had, at the least. Just then, Marilla called for Anne, curious as to where she had wandered off to. They both jumped up from the bed and began to quickly make their way downstairs. Bash was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs with a grin on his face bigger than a cat that had just caught a mouse. He raised his eyes at Gilbert as they walked past him, saying loudly, “oh there you two are. I was gettin’ worried when I couldn’t find you. I hope everythin’ is alright…” When Anne was out of earshot he leaned into Gilbert, inspecting his lips. “Just makin’ sure they aren’t swollen.”

Gilbert brushed him off with a nervous laugh, saying, “Anne was just showing me her mother’s book that I told you about.”

“That’s right. Her mother. Who is watchin’ down with Mary on every move you make.”

“Don’t worry, I learned how to be a gentleman from the best. Mary would agree, I’m sure.” Gilbert walked away with a smirk and met Muriel at the door, Delly still sound asleep on her shoulder. 

“We are goin’ to take her home,” Bash whispered from behind, quiet enough to not wake Delly. “Have you accomplished what you set out to do?”

“No, you go on without me,” Gilbert said quietly. “I still need to...have a talk with the Cuthberts.”

Muriel grinned and did a subdued jig with Bash as they danced out the door, trying to keep the bundled up baby sleeping while they rejoiced silently. 

Marilla and Matthew were saying their goodbyes to Elijah and Hazel, splitting leftover food for a meal the next day and complimenting each other on their splendid holiday meal.

Once he had shut the door, Matthew turned around to see Gilbert still standing there. “Oh, sorry Gilbert. I didn’t mean to shut the door on you.” 

“No, it’s alright!” Gilbert said. “I was, uh, hoping to stay for a moment and speak to you and Marilla? If that’s okay?”

Matthew nodded and then it dawned on him what was happening and he said, “o-o-oh...yes, that would be fine. Won’t it, Marilla?” 

Marilla was beaming as she agreed and ushered them into the sitting room where Anne was tidying up. She looked up at them all as they walked in and realized what was happening, freezing her in place. 

“Have a seat, Gilbert.” Marilla and Matthew each sat in their yellow armchairs while Anne and Gilbert sat next to each other on the tufted couch. 

The silence was only interrupted by the ticking of the clock in the corner of the room, each second passing causing Gilbert’s heart to beat faster on the _tick_ and his mouth to get dryer on the _tock_.

Anne spoke up first, saying, “it was a lovely evening, Marilla. All your hard work paid off quite nicely!”

“Yes!” Gilbert squeaked. “Everything was perfect. One of the most memorable Christmases I’ve had.”

“Thank you both, that is very kind of you to say.” Marilla looked over at Matthew who was trying not to smirk.

Trying to build up his momentum, Gilbert continued, “in the spirit of making it even more memorable, I would like to ask you both for permission to officially court Anne, in hopes of engagement and eventually marriage one day. I have known you both for a long time, so there’s not much else to add to what you already know. I intend to continue my education in medicine and hope to follow that career on to very big and exciting things. I am very fond of Anne,” he paused and looked over at her, feeling calmer at the sight of her returning smile. “We have been friends since she arrived here in Avonlea, and I’d like both of you to give me permission to make my intentions publicly known. It’s important to me that you both agree, seeing as I think you are partners in Anne’s life and should both have a say.”

“Gilbert, you’re one of the kindest and brightest young men we have ever known; not to mention the fact that we see you, Bash, and Delly as family.” Marilla looked over at Matthew who nodded in agreement. “I am honored that you would include me in this decision, and I think that you would be a fine match for our Anne. Matthew?”

“Oh, yes. Yes indeed. As long as Anne approves?” Matthew said.

“YES!” Anne said, loud enough to make Matthew and Marilla jump. “I mean, yes I very much approve.” She pinched her arm and said, “ouch! Sorry, just making sure this is real.”

They both laughed as they stood up, Marilla instructing Gilbert to let Bash know what had transpired, out of respect. Gilbert let them know they needn’t worry, he would most likely be waiting by the door in anticipation.

After bidding them both goodnight, Marilla asked, “Anne please make sure to blow out the candles on the tree as you see Gilbert out.”

“I will.” She hugged them both and whispered, “thank you,” as they left the room for their beds.

Gilbert helped her blow the candles out, mirroring their Christmas together from the year before. However, this year, once all the candles were dark, Gilbert took Anne into his arms and kissed her. It was a slow kiss, as slow as the wax dripping down the side of the candles. He held onto her as though she might float away with the smoke that was drifting from each of the flameless wicks next to them, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.

Anne was in no rush, knowing the sounds of Green Gables like the back of her hand and confident that Marilla and Matthew were both upstairs shuffling into their beds. Without knowing what she was doing, she pulled back slightly and brushed her lips against Gilbert’s, causing his breath to hitch and his heart to beat loud enough he was sure Anne could hear it. She slowly ran her hands up his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to meet her lips. Gilbert responded with a quiet moan that sent Anne’s mind reeling, never having heard a sound like that escape from the smooth and collected Gilbert Blythe. The butterflies in her stomach that always fluttered when she kissed him were beating their wings faster than ever before, so she used their flight to fuel one more exploration of the unknown territory she was in. She wasn’t thinking clearly anymore, fueled by her need to _feel_. She stepped closer to him until her body was pushed up against his, closer than they had even been on the train. Wanting to feel him, wanting to feel the sensation she was searching for, she pushed even closer until it felt as though there was not one atom of space left between them. 

Gilbert felt his mind leaving him, his head becoming empty of all thoughts except for _Anne_. She was the girl he thought about over the past few years more often than he would ever admit, the girl that rivaled him in every way and surpassed him in many. And now, here she was making him completely and utterly lose all use of his brain. He knew he should step back, he knew he should have left Green Gables already, and yet he stayed there, kissing her back with as much fervor as she had for him; matching each movement she made with a rival one of his own. He never wanted to break away from his Anne with an E, never wanted to leave her embrace, but he knew if he didn’t stop now he would regret it later. 

Anne felt Gilbert pull away, resting his forehead on hers as he always seemed to do. “Anne, I should...we should…”

“I know.” She put her hand on his cheek as she reluctantly agreed, wondering how Gilbert had the wherewithal to be such a gentleman. 

Gilbert noticed Anne’s charm bracelet shining in the lamplight as she held her hand on his face still and asked, “wait, when did you get a second charm?”

Anne blinked in surprise at his question, trying to break her mind free from the kisses they just shared. “Huh? Oh, yes. Matthew gave me a second one last night as our Christmas Eve present tradition.” She held it up so he could get a better look at it. “It’s a book, representing ‘Queen’s College Anne’ for this stage of my life.” She smiled as she remembered the excitement Matthew was trying to conceal as she had opened the gift the night before.

“That reminds me!” Gilbert said as he dashed out of the room, leaving Anne standing by herself. He ran back in with a small rectangular package and handed it to Anne. “I forgot to give you your gift!”

Anne laughed and said, “and I forgot to give you yours! I guess it’s been a bit of a busy day, what with us officially beginning to court and all.” She bit her lip in anticipation as she opened the package quickly, pulling out a book that was beautifully bound in green leather with gold lettering. “ _Scottish Legends and Faerie Tales: A Collection of Celtic Myths_...oh, Gilbert! What a glorious gift!” She opened it and felt the binding creak, releasing a divine scent she had never encountered but knew deep within her soul what it was. “Is this a new book?”

“It is,” Gilbert said proudly. “Never once has it been opened, well, until now. You’re the first to own it.”

Anne sighed, “I’ve never owned a brand new book before, pristine and yearning to be read.” She looked up at him and gave him a look that made him grateful that he had decided on getting her that book after much debate. “Thank you, Gilbert. It’s perfect.”

She bent down and picked up the gift she had wrapped for him from under the tree. He took it and began to rip the paper open, sticking the red ribbon she used to tie it into his pocket as a keepsake. The moment he saw what was inside, he froze. Staring down at the silver frame that held the tintype photo of his mother and father on their wedding day, he was in shock at seeing something that he never expected to see again in his life. “How...how did you get this?”

“Elijah and I did some sleuthing,” Anne said. “He tracked down the, uh, _acquaintance_ that he sold it to and found out it had made its way to the pawnbroker in Charlottetown. Since I have contended with that scoundrel on more than one occasion, I got a good deal on it. Sorry your gift isn’t brand new, like mine.”

“No! This is...truly amazing. I never thought I would see this photo again, Anne. You have no idea how much this means to me.” Gilbert ran his hands over the frame, memories of staring at it as a child flooding his mind as the tears flooded his eyes. 

Anne “I know I would have done anything to have a photo of my parents together, and for you to lose that is a tragedy. Elijah worked very hard to get it back, asking around and searching for weeks. I hope the frame isn’t damaged.”

Gilbert shook his head, saying, “it’s perfectly fine, but that isn’t what matters. I’m just so happy to see them again. Thank you, Anne.”

As she walked him to the front door, Gilbert held Anne’s hand and kissed it once more before leaving her with one last ‘Merry Christmas’. After shutting the door, she stood with her back against it, letting the exhilaration of the day sweep through her body, emanating from her heart and filling her with a sense of euphoria. She stared into the darkness, eyes wide and face flushed as she said aloud to herself, “I’m courting Gilbert Blythe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They’re officially a couple, you guys! Finally! *cries tears of joy* in my mind Gilbert has always had the freedom to go after what he wants and has to learn to hold himself back (for example, staying with Bash instead of graduating early) whereas Anne has never had the chance to have anything she wants (she always has to wait for people to accept her, the orphan, not to mention not being able to simply have material belongings because of being in an orphanage) and is having to learn to step out and take what she wants. In case you were wondering about how I write their romantic dynamic lol...
> 
> Okay but for real, writing about Christmas so in-depth in the middle of August was just weird haha. New Years Eve party is next! And FINALLY some new characters we haven’t heard from in a while are getting the spotlight! I can’t waittttt


	12. Chapter 12

“What if a giant slimy monster jumps out of the trees and tries to eat us? I swear, if I even _think_ I see one then I’m going to start running. Hopefully it will just eat you instead and let me go. I bet I can run faster than you.” Minnie May was stomping along bitterly next to Diana through the woods as they walked along the path. Her curls bounced with each step and her boots crunched the leftover snow beneath her loudly. 

“Don’t swear, it’s not ladylike,” Diana admonished. “And if any monsters do find us out here, then it will be because you are walking so heavily and talking so loudly that they heard you coming. The polite thing to do would be to sacrifice yourself since you attracted the monster in the first place.”

Minnie May rolled her eyes as harshly as she could at her older sister. “Yeah, well, I guess you’re outta luck. I’m not the polite Barry sister, that’s your job.”

“Come on, it’s not much further. I promise you’re going to have a good time,” Diana said as they came closer to a clearing in the woods, a small house that had an inviting puff of smoke rising from its chimney becoming more visible with each step they took. “There will be plenty of kids your age and you can practice your French. Although, make sure not to mention that some of their pronunciations are different! It would be very rude to point that out. Just do your best to blend in and be cordial.”

“I can’t believe you are dragging me here the day after Christmas. I’m supposed to be eating enough leftover chocolates to make me sick, not walking in the cold to deliver some silly old books to someone I’ve never even met. What a waste of my day.”

“What else could have possibly been on your important agenda? You're nine years old, Minnie May. Don’t lie, this is the most exciting thing you’ve ever done.” Diana was trying to make Minnie May feel like she was the one that should be grateful, when really it was Diana that should be thanking her. The only reason her parents let her go on this adventure was because she convinced them it was a benevolent mission to bring gifts to a family that had once been very kind to their daughter. She didn’t want to highlight the fact that they were less fortunate, but had persuaded her mother by saying it would be good for Minnie May to take part in a charitable venture.

Minnie May stuck out her tongue as they were approaching the Baynard’s home. Even though she had only used her little sister as the excuse to embark on this adventure, Diana was glad she didn’t have to take this walk alone. As it was, her nerves were as constricting as a boa trying to restrain its prey, but at least Minnie May had added some distraction along the way. 

Diana gave her feisty sister one last warning as a girl with dark black curls came running toward them. “ _Princesse! Et une petite princesse!”_ Ella had grown a few inches since Diana had last seen her, but she would have recognized her from the nickname she had given her no matter how much she had grown. 

“Princess? Maybe I will like this place after all…” Minnie May mumbled as she smiled at the rest of the group forming, prepared to be addressed as ‘Princess’ by whoever else felt the desire to do so. 

“ _Bonjour Ella! Content de te revoir!_ ” Diana bent down to give her a hug and Ella gave her a kiss on both cheeks. “I would like you to meet my sister, _ma soeur_ \- _elle s’appelle_ Minnie May.”

Ella kissed Minnie May’s cheeks as well and said, “hello Minnie May, I am pleased to meet you. I speak English very good. You are beautiful. Are you a _princesse_ too? Would you like to eat... _euh_ … _gâterie_? I do not know that word in English yet. But it is sweet and tastes good!”

Minnie May’s eyes lit up as she told Ella that she would very much like a sweet treat and ran off with her before Diana could protest. The rest of the Baynard family gathered around Diana, each taking their turn greeting her with hugs and kisses as though she was family and not a girl they had only met a few times. She noticed that Jerry seemed to be nowhere in sight, making her nerves only tighten their grip on her even more in anticipation. Adding a mark against herself for wondering about Jerry when she truly was supposed to be there for a completely altruistic purpose, she turned her attention to his siblings and tried to not think about him.

“I love your dress, Diana!” Jerry’s older sister, Sandie, hummed as she spun Diana around and made her giggle. “What beautiful fabric! The color suits you very well. I have been working in the dress shop cutting patterns, I think _Madame_ would love to dress you. You should come by!”

Diana was barely able to thank her before Jerry’s older brother, Alexandre, started joking with her about her ankle. “It looks like you finally healed?” His warm smile reminded her of Jerry’s. “No more injuries recently then?”

The brother that was right below Jerry in age, Max, cut in and said, “ _oui_ , don’t worry, Bonbon is currently tied up so he won’t be barking and causing any more trouble.”

“Thank you for asking, Alexandre. Yes, it miraculously healed _very_ quickly. Perhaps it was your delicious cooking, _Madame Baynard_ , that was the perfect remedy?” 

Jerry’s mother laughed and said, “please, call me Lisette. Anyone that has eaten at my table is considered family!” 

“That is why our family is so big,” Mr. Baynard laughed as he wrapped his arm around his wife. “Lisette won’t stop feeding people, and so, our family grows!”

Lisette shushed him and asked Diana, “what brings you here, _chérie_? Not that we wouldn’t be happy to see you no matter the occasion.”

“Oh, yes! My sister and I brought some gifts for the children. I know Christmas was yesterday, but my mother would never let me impose on anyone on a holiday.” She held up the packages she had neatly wrapped and carried with her the entire way there, Minnie May having refused to help her carry even a single one.

“You are too generous! What do we say, _mes enfants_ ?” Jerry’s littlest siblings, Alice and Charlie, thanked Diana as they curiously eyed the packages in her hands. Lisette wrapped her shawl around her shoulders even tighter and said, “ _allons-y_ , let’s all go inside and see what treasures await us.” 

They all sat down around the table to share some of the beignets that Lisette had just fried up, Ella and Minnie May having already sampled quite a few themselves. Diana enjoyed watching Ella, Alice, and Charlie open their gifts as she ate her beignet with no decorum, letting the crumbs fall on her dress without a care in the world. She had wrapped up a few of her old slates and purchased some new chalk, thinking the children would love to draw on them and maybe even practice their letters. She didn’t need them anymore and figured they could be put to good use here instead of gathering dust in her room while she was at college. Once, when Jerry had been walking Diana home from school, he told her that he had shown them all how to write their names and wished they could practice more. He was grateful for what Anne had taught him and wanted his siblings to have the same opportunities. She let her mind be distracted again by Jerry, slipping away from the family that sat in front of her, and yet again punished herself for being distracted from her supposed selfless philanthropy. The list of marks against herself had grown quite a bit just in this one visit; she imagined taking the piece of chalk that Minnie May was using to show Ella how to write “candy” and using it to add another mark on the ever-growing list. 

“Sandie, where is Jerry?” Mr. Baynard asked just then, as though he was reading Diana’s mind.

“I think he is still out back,” Sandie responded. “He had a lot to do and said he would probably be out there most of the day.”

“Ah, you’d better go see him, Diana. He would be very sorry to have missed your visit.” Mr. Baynard had a mischievous look in his eye that Diana recognized, having seen that same look on Jerry’s face when he told her to close her eyes before giving her the poodle figurine he had won for her at the county fair. The one she threw at his feet only a few weeks later.

Another mark was added to the list.

Without a guide, Diana wandered around the side of the house in hopes of not being able to find Jerry. She almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous she was, finally admitting to herself that she was truly there with only one purpose in mind: to see Jerry...and now she was trying to _avoid_ him. She stumbled past some old traps that were piled up behind a barrel, causing her to cry out as the sound of the metal clanging scared her. 

“Diana?” 

She looked up to see that she had finally found Jerry...in nothing but an undershirt and trousers, his suspenders hanging over his hips and his sleeves rolled up to his biceps. His hands were holding on tightly to an ax that had just split a log, the wood still tumbling down the tree stump and falling into a pile as high as her knees. 

“What are you doing here?” Jerry asked, more confused than ever before. The sight of a flawless Diana walking around the corner of his house took him by surprise. Not only because she was so starkly different from her surroundings, crisp and polished amongst rusty old metal and half-rotten wood, but also because he had been thinking of her right when she appeared. It was though he had willed her there just with his thoughts.

“I-I’m so sorry, Jerry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll go back inside…” Diana began to turn around, her cheeks burning at the sight in front of her. 

“No! It’s okay. I’m just...is everything alright at Green Gables? Do they need me?” Jerry assumed that it must have been business that had brought her there, an emergency of some sort. He wouldn’t let himself think otherwise.

Diana grimaced as she realized she had inadvertently caused him to panic. “No, no...everything is perfectly fine at Green Gables. At least, I assume so...no I just came by with my little sister to drop off some gifts for Ella, Alice, and Charlie. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude on your family or your...chores.” Diana was trying to recall every rule in the finishing books her mother had made her memorize, sure there was something in there about not staring at a boy you had kissed multiple times in his undershirt. Surely rule number seventy-three stated that it was improper to notice how the sweat made the shirt cling to his stomach, how when his sleeves were rolled up a lady was not to focus on how she could see every labor-hardened muscle on his arm. 

Jerry quickly swung the ax into the tree stump and let it stick there, dropping his hands to his sides. He slowly started walking towards Diana, afraid if he moved too quickly he would be proven right that she was indeed a spectre and would vanish before his eyes. “Oh, that is very kind of you.” He smirked as he added, “now they will be convinced that you really are a princess.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do with them; they were used to holding Diana’s hands or pulling her close for a kiss, not being forced to keep their distance.

“Oh yes, they’ve decided my sister must be one too,” Diana added with a smile. “She and Ella have already eaten half of your mother’s beignets. They have become quick companions, bonding over their similar interests in sweet treats and hair bows.” Jerry laughed loudly at this, rewarding Diana with the sound she had missed more than anything. His amenable nature was one of the things she liked about him most, that he never held back when he enjoyed something and was effortlessly cheerful.

“Perhaps we should go back inside? I don’t want you to get too cold, and I don’t want to miss out on the beignets.” Jerry started walking back around to the front of the house, ushering Diana safely past the pile of old traps.

When they arrived back inside, Minnie May ran up to Diana and exclaimed, “Diana! Mr. Baynard is going to let me play his accordion!”

Jerry excused himself and Diana impatiently told Minnie May that she should not play Mr. Baynard’s accordion since she had no idea how to use it and could accidentally break it. “You’ve never even heard an accordion before. It would be best if you just let him play it, remember? Be polite.”

Minnie May muttered, “I’m sure I could figure it out…” as she walked back over to Ella and sat down next to her new friend.

Mr. Baynard began to stir his children up, telling them to gather around and prepare to enchant the princesses with their songs. “Jerry? Where are you?” He asked, looking around for him.

“I’m here, Papa.” Jerry stepped out fully clothed, much to Diana’s disappointment. 

“Ah, yes, _mon fils_. What key was the song we made up yesterday in? C or G?” Mr. Baynard began to push the keys on the sides of his accordion as he winked at Jerry, thinking that he was helping him.

Mortified, Jerry gave him a wide-eyed look and tried to convey that he did not want the ‘help’ his father was hoping to give him. “No no no, we don’t need to play that one. It’s not finished.”

Diana accidentally let her mouth fall open. She had no idea that Jerry played an instrument, searching her memory to confirm that he had not played one the last time she had been at his house. He had never once mentioned it on their walks, although Diana would ashamedly admit that she never asked him much about himself or his life, usually forgoing conversation for more romantic activities. 

“Nonsense! Alexandre, give Jerry the fiddle and you can play the _petit-fer_.” His father looked at this older brother, giving him the hint that he needed to relinquish the instrument he was holding to his younger brother and play the triangle instead. With a knowing smirk, Alexandre handed the fiddle to Jerry and took the triangle instead. Jerry really wished his brother was more selfish at that moment and insisted on playing the fiddle. Unfortunately, though, he was apparently in cohorts with his father in trying to ‘help’ Jerry with Diana. 

The Baynard family all gathered around as their father began to expand the bellows on his accordion, causing a bright and mischievous tune to fill their one-room home from ceiling to floor with the thrill of the music. Jerry avoided Diana’s gaze and focused instead on following his father’s lead, trying to keep the upbeat rhythm of the bouncy song he regretted composing just the day before. His siblings all began to jump up and dance with each other, laughing and taking turns singing made-up words. Minnie May grabbed Diana’s hand and made her join in, swinging her around and eliciting shrieks of delight as they floated around the table. Diana soon forgot her nerves, the marks she had tallied against herself all fell away as the music filled her mind instead. Music always had that effect on her, and the Baynard family’s wild and exciting melodies seemed to inspire her just as much as Chopin or Mozart ever did. 

When the song ended, Mr. Baynard slowed his pace down. He closed his eyes as he began to play the demure notes of a heavy song, the minor chords filling everyone with a more somber mood as they all sat down to listen. Jerry let the full sound of the fiddle harmonize with his father’s accordion, no longer thinking of anything other than the melody that was springing from his soul. It was a song about a scorned lover who had lost the woman he had spent years pining after, his grief trying to pull him down to depths of the ocean while he fought against the current of the pain.

Diana was lost in the riptide of each note, willingly letting them carry her out to sea. The way Jerry played, matching his father’s smoothness as they harmonized together, caused Diana to feel as though she was being pulled under, unable to breathe. 

In that moment, she knew she would drown if she didn’t have Jerry in her life.

She wasn’t sure what that meant, and she wasn’t sure if it was fair to him to want that after she had hurt him. It was very clear, however, that her heart still held a spot for him and wasn’t ready to move on yet.

——

Jerry sat right outside his front door on the creaky wooden porch watching Minnie May and Ella play in the yard. The girls were laughing so loud that he was sure they would cause Bonbon to start barking, but luckily he stayed quiet as he watched the girls closely. He felt someone come and sit next to him on the step, the familiar scent of roses whirling through the air as Diana cleared her throat.

“Why did you never tell me you played?” Diana asked.

Jerry didn’t look at her, but kept watching the girls play as he answered. “You never asked.” Diana winced as he pointed out the fact that she had already realized herself; that they never really got to know each other. “Besides, I’m not very good.”

“Yes you are! Your timing was perfect, your pitch never wavering. Honestly, Jerry, you are a very talented musician.”

Jerry finally turned to look at her in surprise. “Really? You think so? We all play, we only have one fiddle though. Alexandre is much better than I am, but I suppose I’m better than Max.”

“You are certainly a better musician than I am,” Diana declared. “I have never once composed anything in my life, relying heavily on sheet music to guide me.”

“Wait, you play the fiddle?” 

Diana laughed and said, “oh no, that is Minnie May’s instrument. Although she is still learning and the sounds she produces so far are more painful than anything.” Jerry rewarded her with another laugh, his eyes squinting as he imagined Minnie May making the same sounds he did when he first started playing. “No, I play the piano. I enjoy it more than, well, any other hobby my mother has forced me to become accomplished at. When I sit down to play, I can forget the world and focus on nothing but the music. It’s truly where I’m the happiest, I think.”

Without thinking, Jerry quietly admitted in French, “ _I would love to hear you play. I am sure it is beautiful_.”

He had only spoken English to Diana up until then, reserving his native tongue and denying her the silvery sounds of the language he spoke only when distracted. Diana had decided to be brave and finally speak her mind. She took a deep breath and summoned all the courage she had to heed Anne’s advice and follow her heart. “Jerry...after things ended with us, I made a vow to be true to myself. I am going to take what I want from life, and although I don’t know everything I want right now, I do know that the life I want has you in it.”

Jerry felt his muscles stiffen, not expecting to hear those words from Diana. Unable to move, he just stared into her eyes and hoped she would continue, begging God for the words she spoke next to be what he desperately wanted to hear.

“I know that is very vague; I’m sorry that I can’t give you any more clarity than that, as I am not even sure myself what it means completely. You might not want even that, and you have every right to deny me and walk away right now.” Diana paused, giving him the chance to do exactly that. When he stayed next to her, as steady as the notes he had only just played on his fiddle, she continued. “I hurt you because I was trying to live up to an expectation that someone had put on me, whether that was my parents, or society...or even myself. But I miss having you in my life. If you’re willing, I’d love to write to each other while I’m away at college. I’d love to get to know you more; you’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever known. Well, other than Anne of course…”

Jerry finally broke his silence with another laugh and nodded in agreement. “No, you’re right! Anne is truly the most interesting person I’ve ever known as well.” They both smiled at each other, hope growing in their hearts that the future might look different than they originally perceived. “Will you tell Anne? That we are writing to each other, I mean?”

“Of course. She is my best friend and I have promised to tell her everything important happening in my life.” Diana knew he was asking to test how open she was willing to be. She made sure to make it clear that this was important to her, that _he_ was important, and that she wasn’t afraid to make it very well known.

“Okay, I would like that. You can write to me at Green Gables. Maybe tell me more about your piano playing?” Jerry asked.

Diana beamed at him, trying not to act too surprised and thrilled at his answer. “Yes! I look forward to it. Thank you, Jerry.” They both stood as Diana instructed Minnie May to gather her things so they could begin their walk back home. “Mother will be worried sick if we stay too long.”

“Yes, and I should be getting back to my chores before I have to go back to Green Gables. I want my family to have enough firewood in case it snows again.” Jerry took Diana’s hand and kissed it gently, his lips lingering there longer than he intended for them to. The shot of lightning that suddenly exploded from where their skin touched and struck their hearts was unable to be ignored by either of them. “Thank you for bringing the gifts for my brother and sisters. I am happy to know they will have a chance to practice their letters now, thanks to you.”

Diana tried not to blush, but try as she might the kiss on her hand the compliment he gave her forced her cheeks to turn pink as she beamed at him. “It was no trouble at all. I am happy they will go to good use, and they deserve a fair chance at learning, just like every child does.”

Minnie May came bounding up the steps, begging Diana to stay for ten more minutes. “ _S'il vous plaît_ , Diana! _S'il vous plaît_!”

Diana was amused that only a little bit of French practice at the Baynard’s had Minnie May speaking better than she ever had in her lessons at home. “I’m sorry, we really must be on our way. You don’t want to incur the wrath of Mother, now do you?”

Minnie May huffed in defeat and crossed her arms, relenting to saying a teary goodbye to Ella and reluctantly pulling herself away. As the Baynard family all came out to bid them farewell, Diana hugged them and promised she would be sure to visit again as soon as she was home from college in the summer. With one last glance at Jerry, she devoted his smile to memory to help her get through the coming months.

As Diana walked along the path through the woods, Minnie May was jumping from stone to stone and climbing over fallen logs. Her wild nature had a chance to shine while she played with Ella, and it had apparently stuck around to accompany them on their walk home.

“Minnie May, you’d better compose yourself before we arrive home. You know mother would not approve if your hem gets ripped on your skirt again.” Diana was hoping to not give her mother any reason to question them or their adventure.

Landing with a thud, Minnie May looked at Diana with her head turned to the side as she pondered something. “You were different there. At the Baynard’s house, I mean.”

“Different? How so?” Diana asked.

“I don’t know...less rigid and more...real.” Minnie May stopped walking and stared at her big sister. “Like the Diana that plays hide and seek with me instead of practicing our flower arranging when mother instructs us to.” With no warning, she hugged Diana and then said, “thank you for bringing me today.”

Unsure of how to react to her sister’s words or actions, Diana just hugged her back and said, “you're welcome. We will visit them again in the summer, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I lied haha...it's not New Years' Eve this chapter! I had a random inspiration for Diana/Jerry and it literally all came out so smoothly that I just had to post it. I love me some Derry shippers haha so this was for you guys! If anyone is fluent in French, feel free to correct mine haha for real!! This all came from my 9th-grade French lessons that were a LONG time ago...I have started on NYE and will post as soon as it's finished :) I've had a bit of a busy week and less time to write which sucks because this is my de-stressor!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, life got busy but I have spent a lot of time making New Years Eve special for you all! I have three chapters about it that I will post throughout the weekend :) lots of exciting things happening!

Cole gave all of his attention to the shimmering stars hanging in front of him. Some were gold, some were silver, but all of them shined perfectly as they dangled from the ceiling in Josephine Barry’s ballroom. He and some of his friends at art school had been cutting them for over a month in their spare time in order to have enough to fill the entire ceiling, requiring over a thousand stars to make it as full as a true night sky. He had been worried they wouldn’t have enough, but as Rollings was balancing on top of a very rickety ladder in front of him hanging the very last star, he was pleased to see that it was the perfect amount. 

“Shift it a little to the left, Rollings, would you?” Cole asked, pointing at the star Rollings had just attached.

Looking over his shoulder with a glare, Rollings answered, “of course, your majesty. Let me know if you’d like a sandwich while I’m up here. Perhaps your shoes polished as well?” The ladder swayed just then and caused Rollings to shriek. He quickly gained his composure and moved the star to the left like Cole had asked, then climbed down from the death trap he had been balancing on. 

Cole suppressed a laugh as he ran over to help Rollings climb down. “Sorry, I appreciate your help, I really do. I can’t help but make sure it’s perfect though, this being the first time Jo has left me in charge of decorating.”

Rollings dusted off his waistcoat and cheerfully said, “and it does look spectacular, sir. Next time, though, let’s recruit one of the young and spry stable boys to hang your sky, if you don’t mind.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to watch your impressive gymnastics as you try not to fall, old man.” Jo walked up to the two men with her cane clanking on the ballroom floor as she approached. She gazed up at the stars floating above her head and added, “you’ve both done such a wonderful job, though, I must say. It’s a special gift to be able to celebrate a new century and I think your hard work will help us bring it in quite marvelously.”

Cole radiated with pride at Jo’s compliment. His parents never once gave him even a hint of approval, much less applauded any artistic work he had done. Running the entire farm practically on his own while still attending school and taking care of his younger siblings had been expected of him; as his parents often reminded him, he would never receive recognition for doing what they perceived was the bare minimum. An interesting statement coming from a father that was often still too drunk in the morning to milk a single cow, and a mother that often said she only had children to be their farmhands. His parents constantly intruded on his life with how they required him to live it, so the freedom took some getting used to when he had first moved in with Jo. After time and some healing, he now accepted both her freedom and her praise and let it feed the hunger he had acquired from being starved from it for so long. 

“Thank you, Jo. We do love to find any reason to throw a party, don’t we?” Cole jokingly shrugged as though the overly-done celebration was an unavoidable venture. “Did the phonograph get set up? I want to test it before I go change my clothes for this evening.”

Jo got a twinkle in her eye that was not from the stars above and led Cole over to a table in the corner of the ballroom. “I assume this is a good spot? I thought the acoustics in this corner would amplify the sound even more.”

Cole opened the wooden box and smiled. “This will be perfect. I can’t wait to see Anne’s face when she hears it! And Diana will be beside herself, especially during the piano solo, don't you think?”

“They had better faint in surprise to make getting it here all the way from Paris worth it!” Jo handed Cole the wax cylinder as he chuckled at her. He attached the horn to the soundbox like the shop owner in Paris had shown him and tightened it carefully. Sliding the cylinder onto the roller, he felt his anticipation rising as he turned the dial and the cylinder began to spin. A soft fuzzy sound began to echo out of the horn and bounce perfectly off the walls of the ballroom. As the French Waltz began to play, Cole grabbed Jo unexpectedly and began to dance with her, whirling her around the floor that had been polished until it shined. They each laughed and reminisced the first time they heard the recording on the phonograph in Paris.

“Do you remember the look on Monsieur Chevalier’s face when he realized his wife had finished an entire bottle of expensive champagne on her own?” Cole asked as he spun Jo around and she laughed loudly.

“Ah yes, hearing her reply that her happy belly was worth more than the twenty francs it cost him made us staying out late dancing that night worth it!” Jo said. “I suspect my feet will be just as angry with me tomorrow morning, wouldn’t you say?”

“If I have anything to do with it, then yes! I will make sure you dance in the New Year and celebrate properly.” Cole finished the waltz and bowed at Jo as she curtsied.

“Come now, let’s get ready for our guests. I’m going to assume a certain red-head will be unable to wait and will arrive early to this soirée; we don’t want to miss her reaction when she sees what is in store for the evening.” Aunt Jo took Cole’s arm as they went up to their rooms to prepare for a night of cheer and celebration.

——

Cole was impatiently peeking out of the front window when he suddenly saw a blur of red and black rushing up the stairs. Scooting a disgruntled Rollings out of the way from doing his job, he opened the door for Anne and Diana instead and was met with a crushing hug from both girls that almost knocked the wind out of him. 

Anne shrieked, “I missed you so much! It’s been too long, we should never go this long without seeing each other! My soul won’t survive being severed from you like that ever again!” 

Muffled by the mass of ruby locks that were in his face, Cole smiled through the strands as he replied, “it’s only been three weeks, Anne. Surely we can survive that long without each other?”

Pulling back, Anne looked at him incredulously as they both responded at the exact same time, “no!” 

They laughed as Diana added, “life has been dismally gray without you in it, Cole! We desperately need you to add color back into our world and tell us all about your adventures in Paris.”

Cole agreed to tell them a full report and they finally all let go of each other as Gilbert stumbled up to them and dropped his, Anne’s, and Diana’s bags on the floor next to them. They had all ridden the train together back from Avonlea. 

“Gilbert, it’s wonderful to see you again!” Cole held out his hand and Gilbert shook it enthusiastically.

“It’s great to see you too, Cole! Sorry we didn’t get to speak the last time I was here...I was a bit preoccupied.” Preferring not to dwell on the time when Anne had been so distant and seemed unattainable to him, he moved on quickly. “Don’t worry, though, Anne has thoroughly kept me up to date with everything. You look well, art school must be going better than Mr. Phillips would ever admit?”

Cole laughed loudly at this as they made their way up the stairs to the guest rooms. “I dare say I’ve learned more simply by walking onto Victoria’s campus than I did in an entire month’s worth of lessons from that miserable man.”

They quickly put their things away and freshened up. Anne always stayed in the first guest room at the top of the stairs, preferring the blue color scheme that Jo had it decorated in since it didn’t clash with her hair as much as the other rooms. With two single beds that each had a canopy of blue velvet draping over it, the room was perfect for her and Diana to share since they were, of course, inseparable. It also had the biggest window so Anne could see across the entire property and into the woods that held her secret faerie spot. Gilbert was assigned the green room next door, which also had two double beds that would conveniently keep him and his roommate, Felix, together as well. 

“My room is across the hall,” Cole said to Gilbert as they walked down the stairs, “if you or your guest need anything.” They had already lost Anne and Diana as they bounded down the stairs ahead of them, anxious to see Aunt Jo. “Jo’s parties can be kind of...unusual, so I hope your friend isn’t too shocked when he arrives.”

“Oh don’t worry about Felix,” Gilbert said. “He’s a perfectionist when it comes to the expectations he has for himself, but he is extremely generous when it comes to others. From the stories he has told me, I don’t think there’s anything that could surprise him. He is currently helping the Faculty of Psychology at our school study a man that was admitted to the ward who believes he is a wolf. Only on Sundays, though, the rest of the week he’s just a regular office clerk and family man.”

Cole looked surprised and admitted, “you’re right, we might not actually startle him one bit. I’m afraid we are fresh out of werewolves at the moment! That’s actually a fantastic idea for a new sculpture...”

They found Anne and Diana with Aunt Jo, the three of them sneakily taste-testing the cream puffs, Victorian sandwiches, almond macarons, and enough cakes to make Marie Antoinette jealous, all being spread out by the kitchen staff on a beautiful table in the dining hall for guests to nibble on throughout the evening. As Cole showed Diana a particularly tall tower of Apples à la Parisienne, Anne waved Gilbert over to her and said, “you have to try this! Aunt Jo brought back a recipe from Paris for macarons and they are the most delectable thing I’ve ever tasted!”

Gilbert took a bite of a small puffed cookie and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wow, that actually is amazing. How is it possible for something to taste so...Parisian?”

Anne sighed as she finished her macaron and said, “I don’t know, but it makes me feel like I’m standing in the halls of Versailles surrounded by white powdered wigs and satin dresses in every pastel shade imaginable.”

Again, Gilbert felt the sudden need to make sure Anne saw more of the beautiful world she so desperately deserved to see. “We will go, one day. You and I will travel to gilded palaces and moss-covered castles, I promise. We will discover the world that is waiting for us, hand in hand.”

Surprised by his sudden and extravagant vow, Anne looked up at him with admiration in her eyes. “That sounds like a plan to make one of my many spectacular dreams come true. I hope you know that anywhere we are together, though, would be spectacular enough for me…”

Gilbert took her hand and held it tenderly in his, agreeing with Anne. “True. Anywhere I am with you will sparkle with enough interest to keep me captivated. But, I do still wish to see you outshine the lights of Paris one day.” He lifted her hand and pressed a gentle kiss against her fingers, already imagining his mother’s ring there one day soon. “Come on, let’s go see what all the excitement is about in the ballroom.”

The group all entered the ballroom together and stopped at the entrance, completely mesmerized by the sight in front of them. Each star enchantingly twinkled from the ceiling and reflected the light from the dozen chandeliers that were spread out around the room. Anne turned in a slow circle as she blinked up at the ‘sky’ above her. “Oh, Cole, it’s absolutely  _ celestial. _ ” Draped on the wall in front of them was a canvas big enough to cover the entire wall. Anne gasped as she walked up to it and put her hand out, running her fingers along the Eiffel Tower. “You painted Paris,” she whispered while staring at the glittering lights Cole had sprinkled across the canvas. It was a nighttime scene of couples gleefully dancing on a street in Paris while the Eiffel Tower lit their makeshift outdoor dance hall. The colors were rich and the smiles were bright, and he perfectly captured the sway of their skirts as the  _ dames _ were twirled by their  _ messieurs _ . 

“It’s not my best work, I’ll admit,” Cole said as he crossed his arms and examined his mural. “I had a stroke of inspiration as soon as we returned home and was in a hurry to get it finished while preparing the rest of the decorations as well. I suppose it will do for one night, though.”

Diana admonished him and said, “don't be ridiculous! It’s even more beautiful than the panto’s mural you did, if that’s even possible.”

“Yeah, Cole, this is an astonishing thing to pull off in just a few days!” Gilbert walked over to it to take a closer look. “Your strokes are really even, is your wrist completely healed then? I’d love to know how long it took you to regain full mobility.” 

“In just the last few months I’ve been able to use it basically at full range, finally making painting and drawing a lot less frustrating.” Cole rotated his wrist to show Gilbert as he let him inspect it, feeling the bones in his wrist run smoothly over each other.

“Ah, yes your radius bone feels like there is a little bit of external callus left on it, feel that bump there?” Gilbert put his hand over the area where the bone had healed itself. “But it should go down over time and be completely smooth. I’m glad it’s doing well enough for you to paint again, though!”

“Me too. I really wanted to bring Paris back to you guys.” Cole walked over to Anne who was still staring in awe at the mural.

Anne turned to him and said, “thank you, Cole, it’s stunning. It will really feel like we are dancing in Paris tonight as we begin a new century. What better way to celebrate than to be surrounded by such beauty and grandeur!”

——

As guests began to trickle in, Anne and Diana helped Aunt Jo act as hostesses and greeted everyone with a glass of champagne and a party hat covered in twinkling stars. Quite a few of Jo’s friends, of course, came with their own exquisitely crafted hats; someone made one in the shape of a single giant star shining down on them, another had an entire constellation. One woman came in with her blue top hat emanating glittery beams of light like a crown of glory. Anne immediately remembered her from the last party she was at and couldn’t hold herself back from commenting on her attire.

“I love your hat!” Anne blurted as she handed her a glass of champagne. “You look like the mighty goddess Hera stepping down from her throne on Mount Olympus. What a splendid way to start a new year! I’m sorry, I’m Anne - with an E. You may not remember, but we met-”

“Oh, I remember, Anne the conqueror of words.” She bowed at Anne who immediately giggled and curtsied back at her. “My name is Margot, I don’t think we were properly introduced last time we met. And this is Catriona, I suppose you could call her my Aphrodite.” A beautiful woman that was speaking to another group turned around then and took Margot’s hand. She was wearing a dress made of shimmering fabric that had white embroidered stars scattered along the material and truly looked like a goddess written by Homer himself.

“Your hair…” Anne mumbled as Catriona smiled excitedly at her.

“Very nice to meet you, Anne, was it? I am always pleased to meet another redheaded lass.” Catriona’s flame-red curls burned over her shoulders and down her back. 

“Your accent…” Anne mumbled again, becoming even more stunned than she already was.

Catriona laughed and said, “aye, I hail from a wee town in Scotland called Dunoon. I find the accent often helps take people’s minds off my hair, at least!” She reached out and swept one of Anne’s locks through her fingers and commented, “yours is such a bonnie shade. It reminds me of my cousin’s hair, like the wild rosehip berries I used to pick with my Gran.”

Anne’s eyes were wide and she didn’t trust that her ears were actually hearing the words Catriona was saying. “I never once in a million years thought I would hear my hair called ‘ _ bonnie _ ’ in my parent's native accent.”

Margot asked, “oh, you’re from Scotland too?”

Still overcome with shock, Anne responded, “Yes. I mean no! Well...my parents were from Scotland, a town called Glennark, but I was born here in Nova Scotia. They died when I was three months old so I never got to hear their words come out in such a lilting and fantastical way.” Catriona and Margot looked at each other, sympathy immediately spreading across their faces. “Oh, don’t worry! I have been adopted by a loving family and couldn’t be more thrilled at the life that has been gifted to me.”

“Well, I’m very glad to have met you, Anne from Glennark,” Catriona said. “Dunoon is only a hop across the Inner Seas of the West Coast of Scotland from Glennark. Who knows, maybe our ancestors danced around a fire together!”

Margot and Catriona walked away to find the desserts and left Anne in a euphoric trance. Diana saw her and came over to ask if she was okay. “You look like you’ve just seen an actual fairy…”

“I might have, Diana.” Anne turned to Diana and said, “I’m honestly not confident that I didn’t just dream the entire conversation up entirely!” She recounted everything Catriona had told her as they went to find Gilbert and Cole. The boys had found themselves playing a game of Twenty Questions with some of Cole’s friends from art school. 

“Can it be made of glass?” asked a boy sitting next to Gilbert on a couch in the parlor. 

Cole nodded and simply answered, “yes.”

A girl shouted from across the room, “can it be made from clay?” 

Again, Cole nodded as a smile grew on his face and he answered with another, “yes!”

“You’ve got him now, Amelia!” shouted the same boy that was sitting next to Gilbert.

Amelia smiled confidently and declared, “it’s a vase, isn’t it?”

Cole confirmed his secret item had been guessed and admitted defeat, inciting a wild roar of laughter from the rest of the room as he sat down on a chair to let someone else have a turn. Anne went to sit next to Gilbert and tell him all about her encounter with the Scottish fairy.

“And her accent,” Anne said, “oh Gilbert you wouldn’t believe how beautiful it sounded as it floated across the room!”

“Oh, wait, did you get to meet Margot’s lover, Catriona?” Cole asked. 

Gilbert wasn’t sure he had heard him right, it sounded like Cole had said ‘lover’.

“I’ve only met her once, but she is such an incredibly talented poet! She told me she travels back to Scotland once a year to participate in a  _ mòd _ \- I think is what she called it. It’s like a festival celebrating Gaelic art and music and her family has been doing it for generations. Margot got to go with her last year and got the inspiration for four new sculptures, just in one visit!”

Anne sighed and said, “how romantical.” She suddenly sat up straight and exclaimed, “oh no! That means I have to read my poem in front of not only a room of the most talented artists in this hemisphere, but also a talented poet from the most magical place on earth!”

Diana reached down from the arm of the couch she was sitting on and placed a comforting hand on Anne’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Anne, your poem is wonderful. You know Aunt Jo asked you specifically because she loves to hear you recite. When she finds out it’s your own work she is going to be thrilled, everyone will love it! You’ll see.”

Gilbert looked up then and said, “Wait? You’ve read her poem? I’ve been dying to see it and she won’t let me so much as even know the topic!”

Diana shrugged and said, “the perks of being Anne’s roommate is you get to overhear some great things when she is talking to herself.”

“Don’t overthink it, Anne,” Cole said. “If it comes from you, it will be amazing.” 

“You’re in an exceedingly cheerful mood this evening, Cole,” Diana joked, “considering the last time we were presented with the idea of a party I believe your response was something along the lines of,  _ ‘why would I want to attend a party in a room filled with strangers?’ _ ”

“True, being forced to spend time in a crowd of people I don’t know sounds like a cruel form of torture.” Cole made the girls laugh but Gilbert was confused, he was always happy to meet new people. “Luckily, though, two lovely friends forced me to go last time and now I realize that parties are actually quite spectacular. Not to mention I know basically everyone here tonight and that makes it a lot more enjoyable.” Cole stood up from his chair and offered Diana his arm. “Now, Gilbert, should we escort the ladies to the dessert table? They seem to be in need of nourishment, specifically of the sickeningly sweet variation.”

They all wandered back to the dessert table which had somehow grown in size since they saw it last, even more cakes and pastries filling every square inch of the available space on top of the dining table than before. Towers of miniature cakes and tarts glinted as their star decorations caught the light reflecting off the silver stands that held them, waiting to be devoured. Anne chose a chocolate covered éclair and took a huge bite, cream bursting out of the pastry in a delightful rush of sweetness. As she finished the last bite, Gilbert laughed at her as he brushed his thumb across the corner of her mouth, catching the last bit of cream that she missed. He licked his finger and was about to mention how delicious it was when someone interrupted.

“Of course, I should have known I would find Gilbert Blythe near the food!” Felix was walking through the doorway into the dining hall with a wide grin on his handsome face. 

Gilbert looked over and smiled as he saw his roommate enter the room with an energy that filled the entire room and made everyone take notice. He ran over to Felix and gave him a quick hug and pat on the back, replying, “where else would I keep watch in hopes of finding you? I knew you’d smell the cake the moment you stepped foot through the door, no matter how late you were.”

Felix rolled his eyes and said, “ _ fashionably _ late, you mean.”

“Yeah, sure…” Gilbert said. “Felix, I’d like for you to meet Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, my  _ intended _ .” 

Felix gave him a sarcastically astonished look and mumbled something that sounded like, “he finally got the courage to ask her…”

“And Anne, this is my roommate, Felix Lavoie.” Gilbert felt suddenly nervous, hoping that Anne and Felix got along. 

“Ah, Anne. It’s so wonderful to put a beautiful face to the name I’ve heard Gilbert sing in his sleep for the past few months.” Gilbert hit his shoulder and he laughed loudly. “I’m joking! Mostly...but it truly is an honor to finally meet you, Anne.”

Anne was enthralled by Felix, his presence was magnanimous and his warmth was tangible. “I’m beyond ecstatic to meet you too, Felix! I’ve heard so much about you; your studies in the human mind are so incredibly interesting and your family history is like something from a novel. An outcast son refuting his family’s fortune to follow his dream of helping those in need...your story provides so much scope for the imagination!”

Felix looked between Gilbert and Anne, then finally said, “you were right about her, Blythe. She is like a fire burning so bright you can’t look away.” He reached over and grabbed a pastry from the table and popped it into his mouth as he smiled at Anne.

Gilbert beamed down at her, adding, “you should see her once she’s had some moonshine and starts telling pirate jokes; then she glows red-hot.”

Before she started blushing, Anne beckoned her friends over as a distraction from their flattering words. “Uh, Felix, I’d like to introduce you to my best friend and roommate, Diana Barry. And also, my other best friend and the most talented person I know, Cole Mackenzie.” Diana smiled and nodded at Felix, welcoming him to Charlottetown. 

Cole held his hand out to shake Felix’s and was rendered speechless. He had never seen anyone so refined-looking in his life. Each curl was perfectly piled on top of his head, except for one strand that strategically dangled over his forehead and looked as though Felix allowed it to take residence there on purpose. His eyes were so piercing that they almost looked unreal, like a mirage promising water in the desert. But his smile...as Cole shook his hand he couldn't look away from his smile that was brighter than any he had ever seen. “Pleasure to meet you, Felix,” was all Cole could force himself to say.

“The pleasure is all mine, I assure you.” Felix let go of Cole’s hand and grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter that was walking by to distract himself, suddenly feeling a bit antsy. Cole’s gaze was discerning and he wasn’t sure he was capable of any internal self-evaluation after a week consistently enduring torturous questions from his parents. “I must admit, after that incredibly uncomfortable train ride, I’m itching to dance. Anne, may I steal you away from your handsome beau for the first dance? I’d love to tell you some embarrassing stories I’ve collected on Gilbert that I’m sure he hasn’t revealed in those letters he sends to you. One particularly riveting tale includes a dissected pig and a missing scalpel.”

Anne flashed a roguish grin at Gilbert as she took Felix’s arm and said, “oh please, do tell! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me recounting the stories of him drinking against Bash’s wishes in Trinidad, then suffering the consequences in the street for everyone to see...and step in.”

Gilbert suddenly wondered why he ever wanted the two of them together in the same room as he followed behind them on their way to the ballroom.

“Your roommate is so handsome, Gilbert!” Diana whispered as they walked. “You never mentioned that in your letters to Anne. I bet he has the women of Toronto swooning every chance he can get.”

They passed a man wearing a burgundy dress that belonged in an opera house and Gilbert glanced at him twice to make sure he was actually seeing what he was seeing. “Well...uh, they do seem to flock to him, I guess. He doesn’t really pay them any attention, though. He’s very focused on his studies.”

Cole tore his eyes away from watching Anne and Felix laugh as they walked ahead of them. “He must have a girl back home?”

Gilbert shook his head, “no, there’s no one. He normally refuses to talk about his romantic life at all, citing the fact that no one will ever be the right person for him  _ and _ his father. He comes from money and I think they expect him to have an advantageous marriage.”

Diana sighed and said, “of course they do. Parents always do. It sounds like a tragical romance is in his future...”

Cole was about to ask more questions, his desire to collect knowledge rapidly overtaking his mind, when Jo found them and pulled him aside.

“I think we will let Anne dance for a while,” Jo said quietly, “then pull out the surprise before midnight. What do you think?”

Cole was still stuck in his head, but the thought of Anne’s face lighting up when she saw the phonograph snapped him out of it and made him smile. “That sounds perfect.”


	14. Chapter 14

The fiery notes of the violins and cellos reverberated through Anne’s chest as she stepped up to Felix and met him in the center of their quadrille dance. Delirious laughs escaped from them both as he took her hand and pulled her quickly to the other side of the floor to keep up with the other couples. Anne could barely breathe from the quick steps of the dance and from the hysterics Felix had her in with his ridiculous stories about Gilbert. 

“...and then, with all the seriousness of a priest giving his sermon on Sunday, Gilbert says to the head of the Faculty of Pharmacology, ‘ _if you administered willow root to the patient it would be almost as effective at treating pain as cocaine, but with no negative side effects_.’ You should have seen the look on the Professor’s face!” Felix was almost wheezing as he stepped up to the other head couple and they spun around each other.

Anne waited until Felix was back and the set switched to the side couple’s turn. “Would you believe that he learned that from an Indian doctor and has administered it and seen it work on our friend before?” Her breath was slowing down as they were able to rest while the other couples took their turns.

Felix gave her a questioning look and asked, “really? I thought he made it up on the spot. Here I was giving him credit for being a hilarious trickster and he was serious the entire time!” 

They laughed loudly as the song finally ended and Felix bowed at Anne who tailored her responding curtsy to be as regal as she could possibly pull off.

They found Diana, Gilbert, and Cole who had been dancing at the other end of the ballroom and went to get a drink of punch. Cole topped them all off with another round of champagne, reminding them that it was New Year’s Eve, after all, and champagne was created for celebrating. 

“Is anyone up for another dance?” Felix asked. 

Diana shrugged and gave a noncommittal sigh. The sound of the violin had been depressing her mood instead of uplifting it, reminding her that she was _not_ dancing with Jerry. Each note conjured up another detail in his smile that wasn’t in front of her; each melody was a song he wasn't playing for her.

“I’ll join you.” Cole stood from the bench he was resting on and without a word began to lead Felix right into the middle of the dance floor. 

Gilbert took Anne’s hand suddenly and started guiding her to a corner of the ballroom. Her cheeks were pink from the champagne and her head was delightfully dizzy. “It’s _my_ turn to dance with _my_ intended,” was all he said as he placed his hand on her back and waited for the music to start. 

When the lonely violin began to play its slow and ethereal tune, Gilbert held Anne close as they began to spin around the other couples. His crooked smile said everything she needed to hear from him in that moment, no words needing to be spoken as the space between them ebbed and flowed with the rhythm of the waltz. Each time Anne’s steps would require her to get further away from him, Gilbert would desperately pull her back into his arms. Anne felt greedy for his attention - not for the first time since knowing Gilbert Blythe. All she had to do, though, was look into his dark eyes and she was completely satiated as she saw the rest of the world fall away, leaving them in a completely empty ballroom. No friends, no musicians, just Gilbert’s eyes locked on hers. He was her Mr. Darcy and she was his Elizabeth, dancing under the heavens and as divinely destined for each other as every other literary hero and heroine Anne had ever read about. 

“I’m so desperately in love with you,” Anne admitted. “I believe I have been since the beginning of time, and will be until the end of time.”

Gilbert stopped dancing and held her completely still, the other couples still twirling around them, lost in their own bliss. Without hesitation, he bent his head down and kissed Anne with the impatience of a boy that had been kept from his girl all day. Anne’s kiss was in the shape of a smile as she responded to his affection, enamored by the fact that he didn’t care about the crowd of people around them. Gilbert slowly pulled away from her and began to dance again, seamlessly slipping back into the steps while still holding on tightly to Anne’s waist.

Felix and Cole spun around the room, playfully cutting in with other couples as they made their way through the dance set. Some couples they joined were comprised of two women - Felix decided that was not uncommon at any party if there were not enough male dance partners to be found - but they encountered even more of them that were two men dancing together, just as they were. Felix looked at Cole who was almost eye-to-eye with him as they came back together and said, “I’m not sure I’ve ever waltzed with another fellow before.” He wasn’t one for breaking the rules, usually preferring things to be neatly aligned with what was expected.

Cole stared back at him, voice wavering slightly as he spoke, “haven’t you? Well, I suppose there’s a first time for everything. Jo is known for her diverse parties; no one here cares who you dance with as long everyone is enjoying themselves and having fun.”

Felix nodded his head at Gilbert and Anne as they passed them on the dance floor and said, “it sure looks like they’re having fun.” Cole laughed and agreed, glancing over at the two of them in their own love bubble floating across the room. “In fact, you’re right. It seems as though this eclectic group of people is thoroughly enjoying themselves. Everyone seems so...free.”

“That’s because they _are_ free when they’re here.” As the song ended, Cole and Felix walked off the dance floor. He expected Felix to excuse himself to go find someone more interesting to speak with, but Felix still walked along with him. Cole was unsure of what to do, so he continued explaining, “most of them are artists of some sort, all outcasts of society crafting the paintings and plays that the rest of the world wants to see when they’re out on a night on the town, but they don’t want to deal with the humans behind the art. So, Jo has given them a safe haven.”

Felix saw two women wearing trousers and top hats as they crossed into the hallway. “What an interesting concept. I mean, finding acceptance in community is a common theme we see all throughout history; even the Neanderthals knew the importance of carving their place in their tribe and the safety of a group setting.” Felix took two more glasses of champagne from a waiter’s tray as they continued to walk down the hall. As he handed one to Cole, he continued to ponder the thought that was eating away at his mind. “But the true question is, how does one cope while not in the safety of the community? What are the psychological ramifications of, for lack of better words, living two separate lives?” He felt his own question burden him as it left his mouth. Never capable of shutting down his father’s idea of marrying someone he would _never_ be happy with weighed on his shoulders in every moment of his life.

Cole stopped in front of a large painting that was outlined in a beautiful frame and thought about his answer before he spoke. As he stared up at the canvas he replied, “as someone very wise once told me, the ramifications are both a life of such joy that could never have been expected...and also of hardships that were indeed expected.”

Felix held his chin in his hand and simply said, “hmm…” as he absorbed Cole’s words. As usual, he came to the final question he always thought of: was the sorrow worth the joy? Was embracing the differences worth giving up the ideal of perfection? Distracted by the imperfection in front of him, he reached out and straightened the painting ever so slightly. “Who is this? It looks like it could be a Cézanne, that’s what I thought it was at first glance. But now that I look at it, the composition reminds me more of Monet. But the colors are wrong for Monet...is it a Degas? Yes, it must be a hidden Degas.”

Cole looked at Felix with an impressed smile spreading across his face, their previous conversation falling to the back of his mind for the moment. “You have a decent artistic eye for a medical student!”

“Ah, well, that’s what happens when your parents drag you through every museum in Europe, and I mean _every single one_ ,” Felix said as he rolled his eyes. “According to my father, ‘one must be prepared to host a variety of topics to keep a lady interested in conversation’ - especially if she has enough money to have been finished in Paris and might have a broad grasp on the topic of art.”

“I hate to chagrin your father’s noble intentions, but your time spent in the museums of Europe, as _wonderful_ as that sounds, has led you astray. It’s not a Degas...it’s mine.” Cole beamed up at the painting with pride. It was the only one he would let Jo have framed, though he didn’t suspect she would hang it in such a prominent part of the house, of course. He only let it stay without protest because it truly was his finest work yet. 

“Is it really?” Felix turned to look at Cole in surprise. “So you’re an artist then?” Comparing the boy that stood in front of him with the rest of the _artists_ he’d encountered that evening piqued Felix’s interest immensely, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. He watched Cole as his sharp smile broadened with pride.

“I’d call myself a _student of art_ , at the moment.” Cole still didn’t feel knowledgeable enough to say he was truly an artist, but he was proud of the huge leap he took to become a student. “I’m currently taking classes at Victoria School of Art and Design down in Halifax once a week. It’s not the École des Beaux-Arts, but I’m learning a lot and it’s truly a miracle I’m even there in the first place.”

“Cole, I pride myself in being able to walk into a room and name no less than ten things that could immediately be improved upon. I may not be capable of producing art, but I can tell whether it’s _right_ or not.” He put an encouraging hand on Cole’s shoulder and said, “this painting is _art_ , which makes you an artist.”

“Thank you,” interrupted Jo as she slowly walked up to them and leaned against her cane. “I’ve been trying to tell him that for a while now, but he’s stubborn and doesn’t want to hear it from an old woman like me. Perhaps coming from a handsome young man, such as yourself, will help seal it into his mind?” Jo’s old eyes twinkled as she smiled at Cole who was trying to signal to her to stop talking about how _handsome_ Felix was. 

Cole tried to quickly change the subject by introducing the two of them. “Felix Lavoie, I’d like to introduce Josephine Barry, my cunning friend and the biggest supporter of my art education.”

Felix took her hand and roguishly kissed it, causing Jo to let a soft laugh escape. He said, “so this is your party? It’s a pleasure to meet the woman responsible for such a unique and beautiful New Year’s Eve party. It might top all the others I’ve attended, and my parents have forced me to plenty, I assure you.”

Cole added, “he is Gilbert’s roommate at the University of Toronto and will be staying with us tonight.”

Felix looked confused and asked Cole, “wait, you live here?”

Jo answered for him, saying, “yes, he keeps me sane and I keep him pursuing his dream. We make a pretty fantastic duo, wouldn’t you say?” Just then, Diana walked past them with an aura of despair clouding her mood. Jo watched her walk the length of the hallway and said, “will you excuse me? I believe I’ll go have a seat and rest these tired feet so I can make in until midnight. Wouldn’t want to be the first one in bed, now would I?”

Diana was sitting on a bench, staring off into the distance as she slumped against the wall behind her. Jo sat down next to her without a word and propped her hands on top of the cane in front of her, waiting for Diana to speak first. When she didn’t, Jo finally said, “your mother would be appalled at your posture, dear girl...but I’m currently more worried about your spirit. What could possibly be so disheartening on the eve of a new year and new beginnings?”

Willfully minimizing her distress, Diana said, “I’m fine, Aunt Jo. You shouldn’t worry about me, you have an entire house full of people that are here just for you. I just needed a break, that’s all.”

Jo tried to give off an air of indifference, hoping that not pushing Diana would be a better approach than questioning her any further. “Well, of all the wonderful people I have filling this house tonight, there is no one I’d rather have with me than my dearest great-niece. I miss Gertrude even more than usual when there is a party going on, so it is nice to have you here to ease that pain. Aching to be with someone you love, even when the rest of the world around you is quite exquisite, is a different sort of sorrow.”

Diana nodded solemnly at Jo’s words, “I think I know what you mean.” Jo smiled to herself, thankful that her plan to not push Diana had worked. “Well, no I don’t, not exactly! I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love, and if I was at least he is still here...oh boy, I really shouldn’t be so easily discouraged. You have so much more tragedy to contend with than I do, yet here I sit feeling sorry for the mess I have made for myself.”

Jo took everything in that Diana said and tried to make sense of it. “Is there a specific young man that you have in mind when you speak of this _mess_?”

Thinking about divulging her secret feelings for Jerry made Diana nervous; it was something potentially scandalous that she had told no one about in detail, except Anne. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell my parents! It would probably mean the end of my days at Queens and off to finishing school immediately.”

“As long as there is nothing that might harm my relationship with them by withholding it from them, then feel free to tell me anything, dear girl.” Jo reached out and held her great-niece's hand for comfort.

“Well, there was this boy... _is_ this boy. His family doesn’t have enough wealth to make him an appropriate match for me, as my father would prefer. In fact, they are quite...poor. He is a very hard worker though! And a talented musician!” Jo smiled approvingly, not wanting to make any sudden moves or speak up in case it startled Diana and scared her off. “In the summer, he and I had mutual feelings for each other and responded by, um, seeing each other on my walks home from school. He was a perfect gentleman and we got along quite well. The only problem is…” Diana paused as she gathered the courage to admit her own faults aloud. “The issue was me, actually. I began to worry about the pressure from my parents and what they would say - or scream - if they found out. They know him and his family, so they are very well aware of his station in life. But it wasn’t just that, it’s like my desire overtook my mind and I didn’t care about him in the way that I would have expected from myself.” Diana looked her great-aunt in the eyes and said, “I broke things off with him only after hurting him by being ashamed of him. It was terrible and I have regretted it since the moment it happened.”

Jo patted her hand and quietly said, “that does sound like quite a difficult time you’ve had.”

“It gets worse.” Diana ran her hands over her face and stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth in the hallway. “I went to visit him the day after Christmas - well, it was more of a social visit to his family. Nonetheless, once there I knew I couldn’t put it all behind me, I couldn’t leave him as part of my past. We spoke, I apologized for the second time, and I told him that I vowed to be true to myself from now on.”

“I like the sound of that!” Jo exclaimed brightly.

Diana continued, “and if that means having Jerry in my life, then so be it. He agreed to write to me at Queens and I hope we can get to know each other more than we had a chance to before.”

Jo had a confused look on her face when she asked, “I’m sorry, please forgive me for failing to see the distressing bit in your story, but if you plan to write to each other what could be so making you so sad this evening?”

“Simple.” Diana plopped back down on the bench and said, “I wish he was here. I don’t want to just be _writing_ to him, I want more. Now. I still don’t know how to broach the subject with my parents, and I think I will wait quite a while before I ever even contemplate throwing myself into that fight...but tonight? Tonight I just miss him.”

A sweet sadness came over Jo then as she realized that this young girl in front of her did understand some of the pain she felt. “Oh, my dear girl, I’d argue that you do have a harder time tonight than I do. You see, I lived a lifetime with Gertrude and can reflect on all the wonderful memories we made together. But you, sweet Diana, have yet to experience even a fraction of the joy that is coming to you.” Jo wrapped her arm around Diana’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. “There is no way to know what is destined for you and this boy Jerry, but I am _so_ proud of you for how you’ve dealt with this. You sacrificed ‘peace’ for the satisfaction of a genuine relationship, something that I know doesn’t come easily for you. Acknowledge this and give yourself some credit! It is impossible to genuinely love someone without being completely true to yourself first. The more you live out this newfound independence, the happier you will be all around. That is a promise.”

Diana said, “thank you, Aunt Jo. I think I might actually go write to him now, I have so much I want to tell him about the party and I don’t want to wait!”

“Ah, well perhaps you should hold off for just a few more minutes. There is one more surprise in store that Cole and I whipped up just for you and Anne that you might want to include in your letter.” Jo’s mischievous grin made Diana curious as to what else could possibly be awaiting them.

Rounding the corner in a rush, Anne spotted Jo and Diana sitting on the bench and bent over to catch her breath. “I’ve been looking for you two! It’s almost midnight, it’s time to gather in the ballroom! Diana, I am going to need more support than ever to read my poem. I’ve had a lot of champagne and I’m afraid I’ll forget it all as soon as I stand up in front of everyone.”

Diana helped Jo up and walked over to Anne and said, “of course I’ll be right by your side to support you! And I’ll hold the copy of your poem in case you need any reminders mid-recital, although I suspect the champagne will only embolden you and help keep your mind loose and ready to perform.”

Anne considered this and said, “hmm, maybe you’re right? Oh, Diana, what would I do without you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally got a Shirbert Pride and Prejudice moment! 😭 so Felix and Cole - how do you guys feel?!? I want to know!! I have been so weird about developing a new character, I hope he feels as deep as the other characters that we already know and love. I’m glad to have him finally join in the story more, so let me know what you think of him! And I've been needing an "Aunt Jo encouraging chat" in my life haha so I was happy to get to write her being supporting and giving good advice, as always.


	15. Chapter 15

When they entered the ballroom again, the crowd had gathered in anticipation of the quickly approaching New Year. Everyone hushed as Jo stood at the top of the stairs and cleared her throat.

“My dear friends, you have no idea how much it pleases me to see every single face in this crowd here to celebrate the beginning of a new year, and new century. You all are my _family_ and I cherish the last century we had together, and now we get to begin a new one with each other. In keeping with tradition, our always inspiring Anne Shirley-Cuthbert will recite a poem of her own composition to bring us into the New Year surrounded by beautiful words.”

Anne stepped up to stand next to Jo with Diana by her side, as promised. The first thing she saw as she stared out into the crowd was the red hair of Catriona. Her nerves began to make their way up from her belly and started wrapping themselves around her throat. She was afraid to speak, worried that her words would come out as squeaks instead. She scanned the rest of the crowd until she found the face that immediately lessened the hold her nerves had on her. Gilbert’s smile was encouraging, but his eyes were something better: they were full of love. Love for _her_ , and only her. It didn’t matter if her poem was not the greatest ever written, or if she forgot a line as she spoke. He would still love her, and that’s all that mattered. Taking a deep breath, she let the words flow from her and swirl around the room.

_One hundred years have passed and more to come,_

_Nothing like a fey hour or gods cheating,_

_Our time here vanishes and is fleeting,_

_Stealing our days without leaving a crumb._

_This sudden end of time should give us pause,_

_Yet we rush to the future without woe,_

_Safe in the bed of what we do not know,_

_Blind to the bliss our ignorance does cause._

_Our hopes are invisible before us,_

_Untouched and still possible if we seek,_

_A thrill is never granted to the meek,_

_We’re compelled to take instead of discuss._

_Sorrow drowns in the dying of the year,_

_Like a lake frozen with ice so thin,_

_It still allows some bubbling deep within,_

_Until it cracks with liberating cheer._

_This eve brings more time as a parting gift,_

_Our memories now their own self-made shrine,_

_New ones to be crafted and intertwined,_

_Don’t let it pass you by this year so swift._

As Anne finished, the crowd erupted in applause. Everyone was cheering and Anne took a bow to try and hide her blush. Proud of her friend’s achievement, Diana hugged Anne and said, “that was beautiful, Anne. I knew you could do it!”

Anne had no time to reply before Catriona suddenly pushed through the crowd and gave her a warm hug without warning. “Anne, that was such a brilliant recital! Margot was right, you truly do have a way with words.” 

Hearing such an esteeming compliment come from someone Anne felt was a kindred spirit was uplifting enough to make Anne feel light on her feet, but she still couldn’t avoid the deep-seated natural reaction she always seemed to have of lowering herself. “Thank you, but I’m sure it would have sounded much better coming from your lips with your delightful accent.”

Catriona said, “of course not! Words always sound better coming from the lips of the one who wrote them.” She grabbed Anne’s hands and held them in hers. “Make sure you follow those words on the path that they so obviously want to lead you down. There are not enough lasses that are writers, ye ken? We need as many as we can get!”

“What a marvelous thing to hear,” sighed Anne as she watched Catriona flit away as quickly as she had appeared.

Everyone’s attention turned to the door suddenly as a three-tier cake covered in sparklers was being rolled in their direction. As the lights were dimmed, the sparks emanating from the cake lit the room with the radiance of a sun faithfully lighting its galaxy. Everyone was thrilled to see such a breathtaking sight, making the excitement of the crowd grow even further. The time had finally come to begin the countdown to midnight so Anne and Diana found Cole and Gilbert amongst the crowd so they could count together.

Gilbert wrapped his arm around Anne once she was back at his side and whispered in her ear, his breath creating enough sparks against her skin to rival the cake in front of them. “Your poem was perfect, Anne-girl. I told you, you’re as brilliant as you are beautiful. I could listen to your writings for the rest of my life.”

Anne looked up at Gilbert. For someone that had just recited an entire poem filled with her own words, the writer had no more words left to give. She simply gave him her smile, hoping it conveyed just how much he filled her with confidence and joy.

A strange sound broke through the air, sounding somewhat like music but the musicians were not playing their instruments. Anne could recognize the tune but it sounded _different_ , as though it was being played far away in an echoey cave. “What is that?”

Cole leaned over and excitedly said, “it’s a phonograph, brought here all the way from Paris!”

As Anne’s eyes lit up, Diana shouted, “what! Aunt Jo finally got one? How exciting!” She and Anne began jumping up and down in excitement, rewarding Cole and Jo with the exact reaction they had been hoping for. “Can you imagine all the new songs we will be able to hear now?”

Anne added, “and speeches! We will be able to listen to the Queen herself - oh Diana can you imagine?!”

Someone holding a pocket watch shouted that it was time and began to start counting down, “Ten! Nine! Eight…”

Gilbert, Anne, Diana, and Cole all held hands as they joined in. “Seven! Six! Five! Four…”

The gathering of exceptional individuals felt more connected than ever before as they all counted in anticipation together. “Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Their cheers filled the halls and made the walls of the ballroom reverberate with jubilation. Gilbert put his hands on Anne’s cheek and quickly kissed her, bringing in the New Year exactly how he planned to every year from then on. Cole kissed Diana on the cheek and she kissed him back, then they both hugged Aunt Jo and felt the love of family surround them.

\----

After eating more cake and drinking more champagne, some of the guests began to slowly trickle out the door. A few were staying overnight and either retired to their guest rooms or continued to celebrate all throughout the house. A rowdy group had gathered in the library to play a game of cards and lose all their money to their friends. Some stragglers were still dancing to the phonograph’s music as it echoed in an almost empty ballroom. 

Diana and Anne had changed out of their party dresses and Anne was brushing Diana’s hair as she sat in front of her at the vanity. “Anne, I’d like to inform you of a decision I have made and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how you will react.”

Anne paused mid-brush and looked in the mirror at Diana’s reflection. “Okay,” she said skeptically. “I’m sure it will be fine, nothing could dampen my spirits after tonight!”

Taking a deep breath before she spoke, Diana blurted out, “I went to see Jerry and we agreed that we would begin writing to each other and I don’t know what will happen but I realized I want him in my life and I plan on writing to him tonight and I really miss him.”

Returning to brushing Diana’s hair without fanfare, Anne tried to hide a small smile that was creeping up on her face. “That’s all?”

“Yes. And I told him that I would tell you because it’s not a secret and I am not ashamed. Well, I don’t want to tell my parents just yet, but other than that it’s not a secret.” Diana looked enraptured as she spoke, nervously biting her lip before adding, “I _really_ like him, Anne. If I am supposed to be soaring on the wings of independence to a future of my own creation, I realized I want him to be a key ingredient of that future.”

Anne put the brush down and hugged Diana, radiating joy to every corner of their room as she said, “I think that is the _best_ thing I’ve heard this entire evening! I’m so happy for you to have this glimmer of hope. I love you both dearly and couldn’t be more thrilled that you trusted me enough to tell me about it this time around. Now we can revel in the pain of a long-distance relationship together!”

Diana laughed as she agreed, “true, I’m going to need advice on how to survive only having letters to keep me sane.”

“Oh! I should leave you alone so you can start right away.” Anne went over to the wardrobe and pulled out Diana’s dressing gown. “Do you mind if I borrow this?”

“You don’t have to leave!” Diana exclaimed. “You write to Gilbert with me in the room all the time. Don’t put yourself out just for me.”

“Don’t be silly, you should have some privacy for writing your very first letter to your crush!” Anne slipped on the beautiful dressing gown and admired the delicate lace ruffles that gathered along the hems of the gown. “I could use a stroll before bed anyway, my mind is still spinning from the excitement and the champagne so I won’t be able to sleep for a while anyway.”

“Well, if you’re sure...at least just stay in the conservatory so you don’t catch a cold from walking around the drafty house!”

“As you wish, whatever gives you the freedom to pour your heart onto those pages is my command.” Anne giggled as she left Diana alone in a silent room with nothing but Anne’s pen, a sheet of paper, and her feelings.

_January 1, 1900_

_Cher Jerry,_

_I am writing to you in a new century! It is so exciting to think of all the wonderful things that will happen now that it is finally 1900. I am especially grateful for new beginnings and the promises that they bring._

_Tonight I am back in Charlottetown staying with my great-aunt Josephine. She has a large house that she uses to throw splendid parties for all of her starving artist and musician friends. Tonight, a string orchestra played as we danced all evening. I thought of you often, especially when the violinist played solos. I am sure you would have loved to hear him play! Although I think I still prefer your song to anything they played tonight. Aunt Jo also brought a phonograph from Paris, where she recently traveled. Oh Jerry, how I wish you could have heard it - a machine that plays music! Truly a miraculous invention that brought so much joy to everyone here tonight._

_I begin school again in two days which means I will be busy studying; you know how much time that consumes, I’m sure, with Mrs. Stacy as your teacher! I still would love to hear from you as often as you have time to write to me, and I promise to respond immediately. I can’t wait to hear about what you have read most recently, please let me know if you have any new books you have been wanting to read and perhaps I can borrow it from the school library and read it along with you, from a distance._

_Please say bonjour to your family from me, and the Cuthberts. I miss you terribly and I’m counting down the days until I hear from you._

_Affectueusement,_

_Diana_

Diana folded the letter and placed it securely in her bag so she could post it once she was back at Queens. She let the satisfaction of being forthright with Aunt Jo and Anne calm her to sleep and the bliss of writing to Jerry for the first time weave a basket to bring her happy dreams.

\----

Anne found herself smelling a particularly beautiful sweet pea blossom that was climbing up a pillar in the conservatory for the third time. The sweet perfume filled the entire area and each time she would walk away the scent would pull her back. She had also spent a great deal of time with the lilac bush and its heady fragrance that was clinging to the air around her, but the sweet pea called to her for some reason.

“Did you know that science has proven flowers to have an immediate impact on afflictions of the mind?” Felix was sitting in a corner on a bench, almost hidden by a large palm that was creating a canopy over the seat. 

“Oh! Felix, you scared me. I didn’t know you were there.” Anne held her hand on her chest as she laughed. “I don’t think I was aware there was actual science to prove that fact, but I did know that they have always spoken to me in a meaningful and enchanting way.” Anne smelled the sweet pea one more time and then turned around to walk over to Felix.

“It’s true.” Felix closed the journal he had been writing in and sat it down on the bench next to him. “I read of a doctor who has recently said that flowers in a patient’s room can improve their mental state and even help them heal faster from physical wounds.”

Anne asked, “May I?” and sat down next to him after Felix nodded. “It’s so interesting to hear your scientific perspective on flowers since I have only ever had a different experience with them. To me, they are friends for a young girl who has none, or even ways to express an emotion that is not capable of being put into words. For example, the sweet pea I was just enjoying? In the language of flowers it is said to be a symbol of happiness.”

Felix smiled at her and asked, “so a logical conclusion would be that you were so drawn to its scent because you are so happy?”

His comment took Anne by surprise and she said, “yes, I suppose I am! The last few years of my life are the complete antithesis to my first 13 years on this earth. I think I can finally say I am completely and perfectly and incandescently happy, not without my struggles mind you, but happy nonetheless.”

Felix’s psychoanalyst tendencies always started to show when anyone ever mentioned a _struggle_ , so he couldn’t help but dig further. “What do you mean when you say you have ‘struggles’, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“Well, being raised in an orphanage for half of your life, and in different foster homes for the other half, is a fantastic recipe for an unbalanced mind. My parents died when I was only three months old, you see, scarlet fever took them within a couple of weeks of each other. So with no family to claim me, I was shoved into different corners and told to keep quiet unless I was needed to clean or cook or take care of a baby somewhere.”

“Hmm yes, I can see how that would be very difficult. How did it make you feel?” Felix absentmindedly rubbed his chin as he observed Anne’s easy demeanor as she spoke so openly about her life.

“Mostly I didn’t feel anything. I have a very spectacular imagination, which on one hand is a wonderful gift that I am forever grateful for, but on the other hand...I am beginning to realize it kept me out of _reality_ and in a sort of trap - one that still has effects on me, even to this day.”

Felix mumbled, “interesting…your capability to step out of your own frame and view it from the outside is quite uncommon, you know? Self-awareness is incredibly important on the path to self-improvement. Although I don’t know what your experience was, I can assume your time at the orphanage wasn’t a pleasant one. How do you think you were impacted by it, as far as emotional growth and stability?” Felix snapped his mouth shut and quickly added, “I’m so sorry, Anne, please just ignore me if you don’t feel comfortable answering my probing questions! I have a tendency to let my curiosity and desire to help get in the way of proper etiquette with my roommate’s girl whom I only just met…”

“No, it’s wonderful! I enjoy intense and genuine conversation! I wish there were more people that were willing to do this.” Anne took a moment to think about Felix’s question before responding. “My time at the orphanage was mostly fine; not ideal, but fine. There were a few harrowing moments that I believe have affected me more than I originally assumed, but luckily I have Gilbert and my adopted family to help me feel safe now and grow.”

“Right!” Felix exclaimed. “I have been telling my professor that in order for a patient to make any major progress they must feel _safe_ , which is quite impossible to do in an asylum under the conditions in which they are currently run.”

Anne’s face was troubled as she mused, “I can only imagine the horrors that are seen there, I’m sure they make the orphanage seem like an idyllic paradise. I often reflect on my time at Saint Albans and the way that I was taught to believe I would never be safe, that I couldn’t trust anyone. Not only was that explicitly told to me quite often, but the proof was in the actions of those around me as well.” 

Felix asked, “and how have you come to accept that you are safe, that you are good enough to be loved?” He was asking mostly for the scientific data, but his own trauma had him curious as well.

“At the moment, it feels silly to even think otherwise! I have never been more loved than I am now.” Anne sarcastically laughed as her eyes began to burn with tears that were allowed to run more freely because of the champagne that was still keeping down her guard. “There is still a small voice that beckons me though, always trying to lure me back to the tower to lock me up in my own doubt and questions. It speaks less, now, but it’s still there haunting me.”

Felix knew of the inner voice, the one that said you were only good enough if you were perfect. “But the safety of love is the key to your tower. Being accepted and being true to yourself is the only way to defeat the voice.”

Anne looked over at Felix then, moved by his words. “I guess love does conquer all, doesn’t it? I’m sure that’s not in your medical books, you must have felt love yourself to know that’s the key?”

Felix gave his own sarcastic laugh and said, “my dear Anne, I can name you every single bone in the human body, but I cannot name a time I have either experienced true love or been true to myself. I often give that out as advice, mind you, but I’m not one to readily follow my own prescriptions.” The boy that had seemed so jovial and carefree to Anne only hours before now sat numbly in front of her, staring ahead and lost in his own thoughts. He reached down suddenly and picked up his journal and said, “and that’s why I journal every single day. It helps free my mind of such defective thoughts and leaves more room for being beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.”

Anne agreed solemnly, “and that’s why I write, to push away the melancholy and keep myself from falling.” She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and added, “sorry to intrude on your journaling time. I think I’d better get some sleep, I hope to see you in the morning at breakfast?”

Felix took a deep breath to blow away the cloud of thoughts swirling in his mind. As Anne stood up from the bench he said, “of course, breakfast is the best meal of the day! It’s quite impossible for me to stay away from a good piece of toast with butter and jam. Not to mention, after all the cake and champagne we had tonight, I’m going to need an ungodly amount of tea in the morning. Sleep well, dear Anne, and thank you for being so open and honest with me.” 

Anne smiled at him and said, “and thank you for the same, dear Felix, I’m glad to have met you,” and then left him to empty his mind onto the pages of his journal.

\----

Gilbert was tossing and turning under his thick green quilt, unable to fall asleep after trying for what felt like days. The champagne had made him feel sleepy, but the excitement of the evening and the fact that Anne was sleeping right next door to him kept his mind awake. He finally sat up, frustrated enough to give up on sleep and go searching for Felix. He had been writing for longer than usual and he wanted to make sure he hadn’t gotten lost in the huge house somewhere. 

Slipping quietly into the hall so he didn’t wake anyone, Gilbert padded over to the stairs and was about to start his search when he stopped in his tracks. Anne was slowly walking up the steps, her long red hair untamed and falling in waves around her shoulders. She looked like an angel wearing a wispy dressing gown that floated as she came closer to him. He was suddenly unsure if he had actually fallen asleep and she was only a dream, or if it was possible that she could really be so beautiful.

“Gilbert?” Anne asked, finally noticing him at the top of the stairs. “Do you need anything? I can call for a glass of water-”

“No! No, I just couldn’t sleep and wanted to check on Felix to make sure he didn’t get lost somewhere.” Gilbert was trying to whisper so that their voices didn’t wake the rest of the guests.

Anne continued to walk up the stairs until she met Gilbert on the landing. She matched his whispers and said, “oh, don’t worry he is in the conservatory safe and sound! He’s journaling and I was in there smelling the flowers while I gave Diana some privacy while she wrote a letter. We ran into each other and had a profound chat, actually.” 

Gilbert rubbed his arms at the chill in the hallway, not thinking when he left his room in nothing but his pajamas that it would be significantly colder than his warm room with a fire. “Ah, of course. I should have known he’d find somewhere warm to write. I’m glad you got to speak to him though!”

Anne shivered and nodded in agreement. “Gilbert, does your room have a fire? I don’t want to interrupt Diana in case she’s still writing, but it’s quite chilly in the hallway.”

Gilbert was stunned for a moment and then said, “sure, of course!” and led her back down the hall and inside.

As he shut his door behind him, he stood up against it and surveyed his situation. Anne was in his room in her dressing gown in the middle of the night. She sat down on the rug by the fire and looked around the room with a small smile.

“I’m glad you got the green room, it really is your color Gilbert. Not to mention it’s conveniently next to my room so it's a perfect place to wait out a roommate’s need for privacy.” 

Gilbert chuckled nervously and said, “glad to be of service.” He tried to think of something to talk about so he mentioned the first thing that popped into his mind. “The party was spectacular, wasn’t it? I couldn’t have dreamed of a better New Year's Eve.”

Anne agreed and said, “it was quite possibly the best night of my life! So much excitement with so many interesting people.” She patted the spot on the ground next to her, “come sit with me so you don’t get cold either.”

Gilbert pushed away from the door and grabbed the green quilt off his bed, draping it over Anne’s shoulders as he sat down next to her. She thanked him and took half of it and laid it over his shoulders too. “It’s only fair. I believe in equal warmth for all, don’t you?”

Laughing at her, he reluctantly accepted his half of the quilt and responded to her earlier statement. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen as many _interesting_ people gathered in one house as I did tonight.”

“Sorry, maybe I should have prepared you,” Anne said. “Even with all my grand words it’s hard to properly describe everything and do it justice, so I figured I’d just let you discover at your own pace.”

Gilbert nodded and said, “it was _different_ , but I’m not easily shocked by anything anymore, thanks to Bash.”

Anne added, ”I’ve been different my whole life, and if it wasn’t for people accepting my differences I don’t know where I would be right now. If someone dresses differently, or loves differently, I see it as a wonderful thing. There are so many marvelous colors in the kaleidoscope of love, and no matter how you turn it each shade is beautiful.” After her conversation with Felix, she was emotionally raw and feeling the effects of love even more vibrantly than usual.

Gilbert looked away from the fire and into Anne’s eyes, saying, “it is beautiful, isn't it?” He reached for her hand and held it in his. “Our particular shade is my favorite though.”

Anne wanted to feel a connection, craving Gilbert’s touch to make her feel the spark that only happened when he kissed her. She reached out and rubbed her thumb lightly across his lips, tracing the fullness of them and savoring the sight of him responding so quickly to her. “I just so happen to agree, it is quite enticing, our love.” She slowly leaned into him and kissed him gently, the contact warming her faster than the fire that was only a few feet away from them. Anne quickened the pace sooner than the other times they had kissed, the champagne still loosening both of their restraints that they usually kept up. Anne scooted closer to him and tried to deepen the kiss even more, but Gilbert pulled back slightly, trying to keep himself composed. Her hunger overtook her and she nipped at his bottom lip, discovering another way to hear the same moan from Gilbert that she had dreamt about since Christmas. He wrapped his arms around her and almost stopped breathing when he realized he could feel more of her than ever before. Her nightgown and dressing gown were both thin, with no layers of thick fabric and corsets to keep her from him. He could feel the curve of her back and the shape of her waist, the sensation threatening to make him lightheaded.

“Anne…” he only pulled away from her to catch his breath. “I have never wanted anything more than I want you.”

Hearing words she never thought she’d hear from anyone almost confused Anne, her mind already working slower than normal thanks to Gilbert’s kisses. “I thought no one would ever even want to kiss me, that my lips would forever be an unplucked rose.”

Gilbert shook his head, bewildered that she could ever think such a thing. “I want to plant an entire garden of kisses. On your brilliant lips…” he said as he kissed her again teasingly for only a moment. “Your inquisitive eyes…” he said as he gently kissed her eyelids as she closed them, relishing in his delight. “Your perfect nose…” he said as he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle. “Right here behind your ear…” he said as his lips grazed the tender spot behind her ear, causing her to breath to stop short. “Your exquisite neck…” he said as his lips trailed down from behind her ear. Her breath found its way back in the form of a sigh as he kissed her in the hollow of her neck. “Each freckle, a seed waiting to be kissed by me…” he ended by kissing her multiple times right along her collarbone and onto her shoulder. 

Anne had never felt such elation and frustration at the exact same time. Gilbert kissed her again then turned away for a moment to compose himself. “Don’t ever doubt that you drive me absolutely crazy, because you do every moment of every day. Even from a thousand miles away.”

“I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.” Anne lowered her head as the thought she had tried to keep away all day intruded her mind.

“I know,” whispered Gilbert as he lifted her chin and kissed her sweetly.

“But education is important.” Anne was trying to convince herself of that fact more than anything.

“I know,” whispered Gilbert again. “I intend to start thinking about the future...our future - together. More specifically, I want to hear what _you_ expect from the coming days and years. I will still have three more years of school, but I don’t know if I can survive that long being one-thousand miles away from you...”

“The day I left for Queen’s, my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road; now there is a bend in it.” Anne put her hand on Gilbert’s cheek and he pressed into her touch. “It has a fascination of its own, that bend.” She slowly dropped her hand and Gilbert reached for it, holding on to her tightly as she spoke of the distance that would soon be between them. “I have been thinking of putting my name in for teaching positions at schools here on the island, although I’m not sure which ones would be the most suitable. There is, however, a scholarship that I might be eligible for at the end of term. Queen’s always awards a four year scholarship to the top student for attending a university in Montreal - it’s called Redmond I believe. If I were to win it then I would be able to go to a _real_ university and receive a _real_ degree.”

“That’s marvelous, Anne!” Gilbert exclaimed. “There’s no doubt you will win it.”

“I’m not so sure that it’s guaranteed,” Anne stated as a plea to the fates that she wasn’t being haughty in her desire to win. “There is another girl named Emily in the second year class that has been contending for it since the first day of school and she really is very bright. I suppose we will just have to wait and see…”

Gilbert reasoned, “If you win, it will be an exciting adventure. If you don’t, it will be wonderful for you to start teaching right away. Either way, whatever direction this road you’re on is taking you will be a splendid journey.” 

Anne smiled and said, “you are always capable of painting such a resplendent silver lining. It truly might be your best talent, you know?”

Looking as though an old memory was making its way to the surface, Gilbert responded, “well, I _was_ previously known for having a talent in spelling until a certain red-head showed me up in a spelling bee...”

Anne teased, “keep studying, Blythe. Maybe you’ll outspell me one day.”

“I doubt I would ever want to,” Gilbert hummed. “Why would I want to give up this easy banter that thrills me so?” 

As Anne tip-toed back into her room to find Diana fast asleep, she crawled into her bed with a sense of excitement drifting through her tired mind. She wasn’t sure of what her journey would hold for her along the way, but she was delighted to be on the path she began the moment Matthew serendipitously brought her home to Green Gables. The new year ahead of her was full of the people she loved, and an opportunity to continue to absorb as much knowledge as possible. Even her elaborate imagination couldn’t have dreamed up this perfect life for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I wrote a freaking poem for you guys! I haven't written a poem since 5th grade...okay just kidding this is fanfiction, I stole a couple lines from these amazing poems: "Year's End" by Richard Wilbur "On New Year's Eve" by Evie Shockley. But I wrote 80% of a poem for you guys! Haha…I also stole from Anne herself about the bend in the road. So I made Fanfic Anne, that is written about Show Anne, quote Book Anne. Triple meta.
> 
> And let me know how you feel about the steamy Shirbert scenes! I feel like season 4 of the show would have grown with the characters and continued to address sexuality in a tasteful yet impactful way. So that's the goal!


	16. Chapter 16

Jerry stared down at the math problem on the slate in front of him with a look of mistrust, always suspicious when he solved the problem too quickly and worried that he missed something. He sat at the desk nearest the window at the front of the class for his lessons and as he blew away the chalk dust from his slate the tiny white particles drifted into the air and caught the warm sunlight beaming in through the window panes. He finally stood up and turned the slate around slowly, wincing nervously as the teacher looked up from her desk where she was grading papers to check his work.

“You’ve finished already?” asked Muriel as she put her pen down. As Jerry nodded, she squinted her eyes to see his answers and didn’t hesitate to let the smile grow on her face. “That’s your final answer?”

Jerry sighed and said, “come on, Mrs. Stacy...just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

She immediately stood from her seat and walked over to her bookshelf that held all of her favorites: Wordsworth and Keats, Shakespeare and Homer, Austen and Brontë. “Not only did you solve it correctly, Jerry, but you did it in record time!” As he began to celebrate, Muriel bent over to the very bottom shelf where she kept all of her mystery and fantasy novels, searching for a reward for yet another successful math test that would suit Jerry’s taste in fiction.

“Oh, wait!” Jerry interrupted. “If you wouldn’t mind, I think I’d like something a little different this time. Something a bit more...sensible, possibly? I want to read a book along with Diana.” Muriel held back a surprised look as she listened to his explanation. “We plan to write to each other and give our opinions, so I’d like for it to be a  _ sophisticated _ story.” 

Jerry seemed confident in his decision to deviate from his typical selection, so Muriel stood up and browsed the shelf that held the volumes she was looking for. As she handed a rather heavy book over to him, she explained, “ _ Great Expectations  _ should be exactly what you’re looking for. There are still plenty of villains and battles to keep you intrigued, but also a fate-compelled love story to charm Diana as well.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Stacy!” Jerry looked down at the heavy book in his arms, hoping its weight would emphasize his intellect to Diana. “This will definitely impress— I mean, this will be perfect. Is the lesson done for today? Mr. Cuthbert wanted me to help with the cows before dinner.”

“Yes, you may be on your way...but Jerry,” Muriel placed her hand on Jerry’s shoulder, “I do hope you are reading simply for your own enjoyment and the enrichment of your mind. Impressing a girl, while completely natural for a young man your age, is not something that should be driving your education.”

Jerry smiled down at his teacher who was a few inches shorter than he was at this point in his growth spurt. “Don’t worry, Diana and I are just friends writing to each other about our common interests. I read because I love stories. It is something that, before, was only available when my  _ mama  _ would whisper them as she tucked us in each night. Now, stories are here,” he said as he held up the book she had just given him, “ready for me at every moment of every day. Other than playing music, I do not know of anything else that makes me happier than reading.”

“What about music that tells a story?” Muriel asked with a grin.

Jerry pondered her statement for a moment and replied, “I suppose all music tells a story.”

Muriel smiled brightly at that and said, “I suppose it does.” She started walking back over to her desk to sit down as she said, “You have a story to tell, Jerry, don’t forget that. There are many people that want to hear your story, whether through song or simply just conversation.”

As Jerry considered her words carefully, Bash entered the vestibule of the schoolhouse and quietly dusted off the frost that had covered him on his ride over. He overheard their conversation as he hung up his coat and hat.

“Mrs. Stacy, may I ask you a question?” She looked up from her papers and nodded encouragingly. “If Diana  _ was  _ someone I, uh, had feelings for...would it be so bad that I was trying to impress her? Is the spectacle of searching for love not the plot of half the books ever written?”

Bash quietly chuckled to himself as he stayed out of sight in the vestibule, not wanting to interrupt what sounded like such an important conversation.

Muriel said, “It’s not  _ bad  _ to try and impress a person that one might have feelings for, in essence. My warning is only meant to make sure you are true to yourself. Love comes easily and unexpectedly sometimes, and other times it is, well, a little more complicated…” Bash and Muriel both were very aware of the complications of love and simultaneously shrunk at her words from their separate corners of the schoolhouse. They had both recently begun to contemplate the obstacles that love created, though neither of them had gathered enough courage to speak it aloud to the other, as of yet. Muriel suddenly added, “wait, did you say you play music? I didn’t know that!”

“Just the fiddle. My family has played together every night since I can remember; music has always been a part of my life.”

“You should teach the children! Our music class is severely lacking an instrument and my singing leaves much to be desired,” Muriel joked.

Jerry shrugged and said, “but I don’t know how to teach it, I can’t even read music myself. I just play by ear, like the rest of my family.”

“Well, then you should learn to read the language of music; if you can already read two languages, you might as well add another!” Muriel thought for a moment, trying to determine the best possible way to make that happen, then added, “what if I find a book for you? I have a friend in Halifax that is a music teacher and would most likely be able to recommend a few to get started with.”

“That sounds wonderful! Thank you, Mrs. Stacy!” Jerry began to gather his things as Bash finally made his entrance, deciding he was no longer in danger of interrupting such an essential conversation. On his way out, Jerry greeted Bash who was holding a saw in his hands. Jerry gave him an odd look as he left and Bash walked up to Muriel’s desk where she was still working. 

“I see you’ve blatantly gone against my wishes, Sebastian Lacroix.” Muriel leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms while suppressing a smirk.

“And I see you’ve decided to punish me by usin’ my full name? Ouch…” Bash grabbed his chest as though her reprimand had caused him physical pain, but he couldn't keep the smile off his lips. “Besides, I’m only here because I’m tired of hearin’ about your desk that pitches and rolls worse than a ship in a storm.” He held up the saw that he was carrying and said, “so I’ve come to fix it for you.”

“Yes, well, you could have just loaned me the saw and I would have done it myself! It’s the only tool I don’t have since I don’t get into woodwork too often…”

“I could have, that is true, but then I wouldn’t get to see what all the fuss is about with this brand new schoolhouse!” Bash looked around the room and took in Muriel’s perfect handwriting on the chalkboard, the neatly arranged desks, the brand new supplies for the children to use while expanding their minds under Muriel’s instruction. “I haven’t seen it since I helped with the framing; it looks a lot better and feels a lot warmer with walls and a roof.”

Muriel laughed at his joke as she stood from her chair and started to clear off her desk so that Bash could cut off the tiny bit of the leg that caused all her wobbly trouble. He helped her move a heavy stack of books that she had sitting on the corner and then slowly turned the desk onto its side to begin measuring the legs. They worked well with each other in content silence, Bash sawing away as Muriel swept up the dust. They were used to each other’s presence at this point in their friendship, well acquainted with how the other one thought and how best to quickly accomplish a task together. They had built the fish smoker together, then worked on replacing missing panels in the barn. Bash had helped Muriel re-work some of the mortar on her fireplace and clear some overgrown ivy that was ruining the stonework of her walls. Each time, they would seamlessly fall into the rhythm that they found themselves in again at that moment, the rhythm of two people that enjoyed each other’s company and were compatible in more ways than one. Muriel glanced at Bash as he wielded the saw with precision; Bash caught the scent of bergamot from the tea Muriel always drank. Their arms brushed against each other, something that always seemed to happen in every project they worked on together, causing a rush that was ignored by them both as they focused instead on their task at hand.

When the desk was perfectly balanced and Muriel’s belongings restored to their proper place on top of it, she finally broke their peaceful silence and thanked Bash for his help, 

“It’s no trouble, really.” Bash looked down and saw Muriel’s hand resting on the desk next to his. The temptation to feel her hand in his overwhelmed him, and he wasn’t sure why. He knew he loved Muriel, she had become as much his family as Gilbert was. The universe had given them a bond that only blood usually shared, as though it had brought them together on purpose. But now he was confused as to why that bond was turning into something different, something he didn’t expect. Unsure of his own intentions or what her reaction would be, Bash placed his hand over Muriel’s as she looked down in surprise at their sudden connection. Slowly, she turned her hand until she was able to clasp his and hold it tightly, suddenly having the nerve to encourage his offer of intimacy, as small as it was.

Neither of them looked at each other, still unable to face what was growing between them. As they sat in silence holding on to each other, something shifted. It wasn’t an icy draft creeping in from under the door. It wasn’t the sun setting through the window and leaving them in darkness. The shift was in their bond, slowly moving from friendship to something deeper. Something warm, something bright...something  _ complicated _ that would have to be kept secret. 

——

“Jerry!  _ Viens ici _ !” Ella was yelling from the front door of the Baynard’s house into the open wilderness that surrounded them, unsure of where her older brother was and too impatient to find him. So she yelled. “ _ Viens ici, maintenant _ !”

Jerry popped his head around the corner from around the back of the house and simply said, “in English?”

Ella rolled her eyes and said, “come here!”

“In English - and nicely…”

Stomping her foot impatiently, Ella repeated, “come here…” then reluctantly added, “please!”

Smiling at his sister’s compromise, Jerry walked around the house and up onto the porch to ask what she wanted.

“ _ Papa  _ said that he needs more wood for the fire before  _ Mama  _ can begin, uh,  _ le potage _ ?”

“The soup,” Jerry answered.

“Yes, the soup. I am starving Jerry, please, you must hurry! I will die if I do not eat soon.” Ella stated it matter-of-factly as though that would make Jerry move quicker.

“Only someone as dramatic as you would learn the word ‘die’ before you learn ‘soup’...tell him I will bring it in quickly so that I am not responsible for your early death.” He chuckled as he walked right back to where he had been before Ella called for him, sitting by the woodpile writing to Diana. He had finished the first two chapters of  _ Great Expectations  _ on his day off from Green Gables and was writing his response to Diana’s letter that he had received a few days earlier. Before he started piling wood to carry inside, he read over his letter to make sure that it had no errors and signed his name at the bottom.

_ January 14, 1900 _

_ Chère Diana, _

_ Thank you for your letter, it surprised me to hear from you so soon. _

_ I am also happy for new beginnings, especially with you, Diana. I know that things were difficult for you last year, as they were for me, but I am happy to have a chance to start again. Mr. Cuthbert always says, “when something ends, naturally, something new begins.” Of course, he is talking about turnips...but I like to think that although that part of us ended, something new may begin now. Perhaps something even better. I will admit I thought of you often for the past few months. The way your smile would grow when you saw me step out from behind a tree, or the sound of your laugh when I would try to be funny. I am glad to get to know you more too...the small taste of what we had wasn’t enough. I also want a life with you in it, whatever that may bring.  _

_ Listening to so many instruments play at once must have been amazing! I am sure they were much better than I am, but thank you for the compliment anyway. I have heard of a phonograph but never seen one. I’m sure Anne loved it! Mrs. Stacy is arranging for her friend to send some music books so that I can learn to read music, like you. Maybe one day we can play together? _

_ I have started reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, in case you are interested and have time to check your school library for it. Mrs. Stacy recommended it, and although I’m only two chapters in, I can say that it might be one of the most interesting books I’ve ever read. The way Dickens writes makes the characters seem like real people! Pip always talks so lowly of himself, and yet he acted so kindly to that stranger. I think someone’s actions show who they truly are, no matter what they or anyone else says about them. What do you think? _

_ I hope you are having fun at school and can’t wait to see your letter arriving in the postman’s hands soon. _

_ Bien à toi, _

_ Jerry _

Earlier, on a whim, he had sketched a small scene on the bottom corner of the letter before Ella had come calling for him. It was a small version of himself with a confused look on his face, holding a book that said “reading the language of music” in one hand and a violin in the other. It was how he envisioned his venture into learning to read the notes on a page would look: comedic. It seemed amusing at the time when he was lost in drawing his sketch, but now he wondered if Diana would laugh at his caricature.

“ _ It doesn’t matter _ …” Jerry mumbled to himself in French as he folded the paper up and stuck it in his pocket to post the next morning. “ _ I think it’s funny _ .” He was learning to not let the worry sneak into each thought regarding Diana.

As he entered the house with arms stacked full of wood for the fire, his father ran over to help him. “ _ What took you so long? I was going to come and check on you to make sure you hadn’t chopped a finger off _ !” Mr. Baynard teased. 

“ _ I was just finishing up a letter, sorry Papa _ .”

Mr. Baynard’s face fell serious as he rested the last log on top of the pile and turned to examine his son’s face. There was a small smile hiding in the corners of Jerry’s mouth that didn’t want to be seen by his father’s intuitive eyes. “ _ Was it a letter to Mademoiselle Barry _ ?”

Not looking up from where he was focusing on getting the logs to catch fire so his mother could begin to cook, Jerry answered, “ _ yes...is there something wrong _ ?”

Holding both hands up in an attempt to show he meant no harm in his question, Mr. Baynard said, “ _ of course not, you can write to whomever you please! I’m proud that you even have the ability to write to anyone at all, much less to a beautiful girl _ .” He placed one hand on his son’s cheek as he had done to all of his children since the day they were born. Physical connection was something familiar and heavily sought after by all the Baynards, and by making this gesture Mr. Baynard attempted to soften the words he was about to say. “ _ A beautiful...and very wealthy girl, from a well-respected family. I just want to make sure you are not searching for something you will never find, my boy _ .”

Jerry looked directly at his father and with as much conviction as he could gather he said, “ _ I know what I am doing, Papa. Thank you for your concern, but Diana is the one that has sought out my friendship. I do not pretend to be anything other than I am and she knows that...now. I am not naive enough to think that I would ever have enough money to tempt Diana’s parents, but you taught me that when you feel a song deep in your soul you must play it. This is the song I am writing; I do not know how it will go, but I must try to see how it sounds _ .”

With a sad smile that a concerned parent gives his child, Mr. Baynard simply nodded and wrapped his arms around his son’s shoulders. “ _ Okay then, I trust you will be careful with your heart - and Diana’s. Come, let’s help your mother start peeling the potatoes or we will never get to eat and Ella said she will not survive another hour without food in her belly. We wouldn’t want that on our conscience _ !”

——

The airy notes that drifted around the parlor at Blackmore Boarding House were much different than what usually left the piano when Diana played. She was pushing her own boundaries by playing Debussy - someone her mother would have never approved of, but her music teacher at Queens was quite adamant about touting him as one of the greatest composers of their time. She decided she would simply try the sheet music her teacher let her borrow since it couldn’t hurt to expand her repertoire and her mother would never find out. Unexpectedly, the moment her delicate fingers began to sweep across the keys, Diana felt a hidden dream within her began to emerge. The song evoked an emotional response that she hadn’t been prepared for, causing a pleasingly warm tear to run down her cool cheek. His notes ebbed and flowed in such a way that she felt them pulling her dream of being a musician out from the deepest part of her soul. 

She was lost to the world around her throughout the entire song, and when she finally came back to reality she looked up from the keys with just enough time to glimpse Anne leaving the room with a smile on her face. Noticing a letter on the top of the piano that had not been there before, Diana’s heart skipped a beat as she picked it up and turned it over to see Jerry’s name written on it. Anne usually sat and read on the sofa while she played, but her sweet bosom friend had delivered this letter and left her to read it in privacy. She didn’t wait until she went to her room, the letter was opened immediately and read while she chewed on her lip to keep the smile at a respectable size in case anyone saw her. His handwriting was simple and masculine, causing Diana to run her fingers over each letter to try and imagine his rough hands writing those words just for her. 

“... _ the small taste of what we had wasn’t enough…” _

Her mouth fell open in a most unladylike fashion as she let his statement sink into the very depths of her heart. He also wanted more. He wanted a life  _ with her in it _ . For the first time ever, Diana let some of the marks against herself fall away. She had done the right thing and began to heal their relationship, and now she was being rewarded with the best gift imaginable: hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you guys think I abandoned you!!! Ahh a whole freaking month went by :( I’m so sorry, my life got SO crazy and then my anxiety kept me from writing, which sucks because it really helps me decompress, but I have been much better lately :) Anyways! I have THOROUGHLY missed you guys and missed Anne and this story. Even though I couldn’t write, I was able to listen to the first Anne of Green Gables audiobook and I rented the 1980s movies from my library! I think it helped give me some much-needed inspiration and I really enjoyed them. I still like AWAE better haha, but they really were great so you should check them out if you haven’t! Except that last 2000s movie they did was garbage hahaha in my opinion at least...
> 
> Okay, moving on. Thank you so much for being patient with me and for all the support for my story. This may not be my best chapter as I’m getting back into the swing of things, but I hope you Derry/Mash shippers out there enjoy it. I just made up Mash, not sure if that’s a thing...
> 
> Love you all and hope you are happy and healthy!!


	17. Chapter 17

“I do utterly loathe a long train ride.” Cole huffed as he stretched his long legs out as far as they could go in the cramped seats of the train car, carefully avoiding Anne’s feet across from him.

Anne gave him an incredulous look from her window seat as she took a bite of the biscuit she had bought from the trolley that rolled past them earlier. “What! Who doesn’t love a nice long train ride? There is nothing more exciting than hearing the whistle of the train beckoning its passengers to come aboard. Trying to catch the magnificent sights before they fly by is my favorite game, as though this might be the only opportunity we are given to see what beauty this specific piece of land has to offer.” She took another bite and mumbled, “and, of course, the biscuits!”

Laughing at the crumbs that fell from Anne’s mouth, Cole said, “not all of us are made of wanderlust and biscuit crumbs, Anne. Too many people being shoved into a metal box hurtling down the tracks at an unholy speed? You should never doubt that I love you with all my heart if I’m willing to accompany you on this little expedition.” 

“Despite your cynical ravings, I truly am grateful that I have you to accompany me on this journey. I believe Marilla and Matthew would have teamed up against me if I hadn’t said you were coming along from the moment I first mentioned it to them.” Gilbert had written to Anne earlier that his school would hold their first annual Jennings Cup, an interfaculty hockey tournament at the University of Toronto, and that he would be playing for the Faculty of Medicine’s team. Anne was thrilled to see that it was the same week as the spring holiday and she would have a few days off from school. After quite a bit of scheming, Anne was able to secure train tickets with the travel fund sock Matthew had gifted her and bribe Cole to come along with her as an escort to surprise Gilbert and see him play.

Cole never let on that he was actually _very_ intrigued by the idea of seeing Felix again, an opportunity he had not expected to come his way.

The train began to slow its pace, wheels grinding against the tracks in protest as the brakes were being applied by the conductor. As they gathered their belongings, Anne asked Cole for the third time, “are you sure you don’t want to just stay in the hotel room with me? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, although Felix seemed to be very enthusiastic about offering you a place to stay in their dorm room when he and I were planning together.”

“If anyone found out we were staying in a room together it would be an outrageous scandal. If only they knew…” Cole and Anne laughed knowingly with each other as they stepped down from the train onto the platform. “It’s perfectly fine, I’m happy to sleep on Gilbert’s floor if it helps you pull off this grand surprise you have worked so hard to plan with Felix. Is he meeting us here?” A sudden rush of nervous adrenaline shot through Cole’s body at the thought of seeing Felix so soon.

“No, he didn’t want to raise suspicions since he and Gilbert usually study together in the library at this time. In perfect Felix fashion, he gave me _very thorough_ instructions on how to find the hotel and then make our way to the library on campus to surprise Gilbert.” Anne grinned widely as she asked, “so we are completely on our own in the big city of Toronto, how will we ever manage?”

“By using our wit and intellect? And maybe just a dash of your charm?”

Anne reached up and linked her arm through her friend’s and nodded. “I think that will do nicely.” With Felix’s instructions in hand, they navigated their way to the hotel and then dashed off to begin their sneaky plan to surprise Gilbert. 

——

Bewildered by his roommate's current disposition, Gilbert stared at Felix who seemed like he might bounce away from his seat at any moment. He had been tapping his fingers at an erratic tempo on the book he was supposedly reading, while also shaking his leg underneath the table that they were studying at together. The library had been recently expanded and refurbished so there was plenty of space in the reading room between them and the next set of students studying, so Gilbert felt free to whisper, “are you nervous about something? Thinking about the girl your father wants to introduce you to, perhaps?”

Felix froze as he realized he was doing a poor job of not seeming suspicious to Gilbert. He didn’t want to let Anne down after all their scheming, but he was nervous - not about a _girl_ though - and apparently Gilbert had become very in tune with his roommate's behaviors to be able to notice his restlessness. 

“Sure, you could say it’s been on my mind lately…” It wasn’t a lie, necessarily. Multiple aspects of his complicated love life, or the lack thereof, were all entangling themselves together and the mess had been flustering Felix. Anne had not mentioned that she would be bringing Cole with her until her final letter before she left, giving Felix only a small amount of time to prepare for Cole’s all-knowing gaze. After having time to ruminate on his experience at the New Year’s Eve party, he found himself arriving at the conclusion that Cole was like him.

Like him and yet...accepted.

This was very confusing and frustrating, in addition to his father recently compelling him to meet some widower that had inherited a fortune from her dead husband. Felix had avoided meeting her by using his busy school schedule as an excuse, but he knew the day would come that he would finally have to go home and be presented with the ultimatum: marry or lose his inheritance. He wasn’t sure if his father was serious about not leaving his family’s legacy to him, his only male child, but that legacy was currently paying for his degree and he didn’t want to tempt fate until he had completed his education and had established his own practice. Even then, how could he hurt his family like that? Was it the right thing to do?

Gilbert interrupted his thoughts by asking, “is marriage such a bad idea? Maybe she will be nice?” He cringed at his own words, knowing Felix was very aware that he himself would be marrying for love.

“It’s not so much the idea of marriage, but the girl...”

Unable to keep from spinning everything with a silver lining, Gilbert said, “well maybe when you meet her that will change, maybe she will be worthy of your love.”

Forgetting to whisper, Felix said too loudly, “you don’t understand!” Several students looked up from their books then and glanced at the pair of them curiously. “I’m not looking for someone to be _worthy_ , the problem is I will always want someone that I can never have!”

Gilbert raised his eyebrows at the sudden outburst from Felix, confirming that he was indeed worried about something. When Felix worried, he got moody and lost the composure he normally held onto so tightly.

Lowering his voice again to keep the curious glances at bay, Felix immediately felt guilty for feeling the one emotion he never allowed himself to feel: anger. “I’m sorry Gilbert, I shouldn’t have said that. It was unprofessional.”

“I’m not your doctor, and you're not my therapist, Felix. I’m your friend.” Gilbert leaned in closer and said even quieter, “you can talk to me about anything, you know that right? I won’t charge you a fee.” He added a wink as Felix gave him a small smile.

Feeling the pressure of a rushing river pushing him to open up to Gilbert almost gave him the strength to tell him everything, things he rarely allowed himself to think about and had definitely never spoken aloud before. Instead, he decided to test the waters first. “Anyone that I want to love, that I want to be in a relationship with, is completely unattainable to me. No amount of money, prestige, or education will allow me to actually be with whom I want.”

“Is there a specific person in mind that you are being withheld from?”

“Well, not necessarily. It’s not so much a person, but a...type of person.” Felix ran his hands through his hair and slumped back in his chair. “I will always have that pain and I’m afraid I will bear it because it’s the right thing to do.” The realization felt heavy as he said it outloud.

Still confused, Gilbert thought about Felix’s words. He already knew he didn’t want to marry for money, but it still felt like there was a key piece of information that was eluding him. “I agree that it’s important to always do the right thing; I stood up to bullies many times for Cole and Anne, and shared my life with Bash because I thought it was the right thing to do. But in the end, those things didn’t hurt me at all, they helped me and helped others. If you’re doing something that is hurting yourself, then is it really the right thing to do?”

Felix sat straight up. “Wait...you would do that? You would stand up for Cole even knowing how he is?” 

Even more confused than before, Gilbert could only say, “huh?”

“That he‘s like me...”

Gilbert was shocked, asking, “you were bullied?”

It finally dawned on Felix that Gilbert did _not_ know what he was talking about and he slumped back down into his chair again in defeat. He shook his head, so close to having finally relieved the pressure of his secret, and let out a small mirthless laugh. “If your father beating you because he found you playing dolls with your sister counts as bullying, then yes.” Before Gilbert could even respond, the clock in the library struck five and Felix sat up with wide eyes. “Is it really five o’clock already?” Gilbert nodded, his mouth still ajar from the questions he had been about to ask. “Oh no. We have to go!”

Without explaining any further, Felix began to gather his books and papers, urging Gilbert to do the same. He half-heartedly gave the excuse that he and Anne had come up with, one about forgetting that a professor wanted to meet with both of them. Gilbert was confused, yet again, but went along with Felix because he didn’t want to upset a professor.

As they rushed quietly through the library towards the main entrance, Felix hoped that Anne had not been delayed or he would not know what to do next. He spotted her red hair before Gilbert did and stopped short. Cole was with her, a full head taller than Anne but just as beautiful in his own way. His hair was cut shorter on the sides than it had been when he saw him last, but the top was still long and neatly slicked back. His unique suit fit him splendidly and made him look effortlessly stylish. Peeling his eyes away from the distraction next to Anne, Felix finally said, “I think Professor Meyers is going to meet us over there on the lawn by that large oak tree. I have to go back in and grab a book I forgot, I’ll see you there in a minute.” He quickly turned around and left Gilbert standing on the steps to the library in a state of complete confusion. 

At this point, Gilbert was very worried about his friend’s erratic behavior and decided to have a full discussion with him about it before they went to sleep that night. He made his way down the rest of the steps and over to the tree Felix had pointed out and stood there waiting, unsure of what to expect from his teacher’s odd meeting request.

“Gilbert Blythe, imagine seeing you here.”

Freezing in place, Gilbert didn’t trust his ears. His heart, however, was very sure that he just heard the only voice that could say his name in such a way that it sent a shiver down his spine. He slowly turned around as his smile grew and his eyebrows rose higher.

Anne slowly stepped from behind the oak tree and stood there beaming at him as though she had just fallen from a star as the answer to his wish. He didn’t need to say hello, he didn’t need to ask why she was there, all he needed was to feel her lips on his. In two quick strides, he reached her and pulled her in as close as he dared to in public, looking into her ocean blue eyes as he bent down to kiss his Anne with an E. After not seeing each other for a couple of months, their kiss was awkward at first, taking a moment to fall into the rhythm that came to them naturally. He wasn’t aware of how much he needed her, but just those few moments of her touch made him feel light and forget everything else going on in the world.

As Gilbert pulled away from her ever so slightly, Anne shook her head “no” and pulled him back for one more kiss. She had worked very hard for this suprise and she intended to thoroughly enjoy her prize. Gilbert smiled against her lips and she smiled back, finally letting him go before they caused a scene.

“Before you ask, Cole escorted me all the way here, and Matthew and Marilla are aware of where we are.”

Gilbert nodded as he said, “so nothing is wrong and you were completely safe?”

“Everything is perfect and I couldn’t have had a better protector accompany me on my journey. Cole is very tall, so as to ward off any dangerous types, and he happens to be fantastic company, so as to keep me entertained. Although, he did complain about the train ride incessantly…”

With a lighthearted gasp, Gilbert asked, “who doesn’t love a train ride?”

Anne laughed and responded, ”that’s exactly what I said!”

“As happy as I am to see you - no, happy isn’t the right word...as exhilarated as I am to see you, what exactly are you doing here?” Gilbert tucked a stray hair behind Anne’s ear just as an excuse to touch her again.

“We came to see the hockey tournament! After you wrote to me about it, I realized that it coincided with my break; so I decided to hop a train with Cole and come to see you play.” Anne grabbed Gilbert’s hand and started to drag him back up to the steps where Cole was waiting patiently for them.

“Did it work? Were you surprised?” Cole asked as he walked towards Gilbert and shook his hand in greeting.

“I am not sure how she convinced you to help her with this ruse,” Gilbert said as he raised one suspicious eyebrow, “but it scares me how well the two of you enact a plan together.” 

“Now, don’t give away all the credit to those two!” Felix interrupted as he finally came back out of the library and joined the tricksters. “I was an instrumental part in Anne’s devious plan; all she had to write was ‘I want to trick Gilbert’ and I promptly agreed.” He took Anne’s hand in his and kissed it and told her how happy he was that she made it safely. Turning then to Cole, he shook his hand and said, “it’s wonderful to see you again.” He could feel that the smile on his face was too wide and the look in Cole’s eyes too eager. Cole didn’t say anything in response, only nodded and forced his gaze away from Felix’s eyes.

“So I assume you were successful in acting completely normal so as not to raise suspicions?” Anne noticed something shift in Cole as she happened to glance in his direction. There was a slight rosiness to his face that was normally the pale color of an artist that spent his days indoors painting.

Felix looked down at his feet for a moment and then said with as much forced charisma as possible, “of course! Years of having to listen to my father’s friends prattle on about their boring wives and investments has made me an excellent actor.”

Gilbert eyed Felix carefully, unsure of how reliable their conversation earlier had been now that he knew that Felix was covering for Anne. “In appreciation of Felix’s acting skills, I can admit that I sincerely was surprised.”

“Excellent.” Anne accepted her victory and turned to Cole and Felix. “Now! I’m sure Felix has planned a perfectly splendid night on the town for us all? I’m positively famished.”

Taking the hint, Felix bent over to pick up Cole’s bag that he had set down next to him. “Of course, dear Anne. I have a feeling you’re going to love the exotic tastes and sights we are going to experience this evening. Why don’t you two lovebirds take a stroll around the park while I show Cole to our dorm so he can settle in? We will meet you at the corner of Wellesley and head to our destination; it’s a short walk, only a few blocks away.”

Gilbert took Anne’s arm in his and as they walked away was saying something about being lucky he didn’t have any research papers due since the hockey tournament had every professor too excited to give out homework.

“You don’t have to carry my bag,” Cole said as he politely reached for the tote in Felix’s hands.

“Nonsense, you are our guest and it is my pleasure. Come on, I’ll show you the way to the room.” Felix began to walk away and Cole quickly caught up with him.

They walked past large doors with iron strap hinges that curled along the grain of the wood and under weighty arches made of gray stone. The tension between them grew with each step along the path, the silence even heavier than the arches that were overhead. Cole was never usually the first one to speak in any situation, but he finally put aside his reservations and said, “it’s such a beautiful campus. Are you enjoying your time here?”

Felix glanced at the ivy-covered walls that climbed on either side of them as they walked through a corridor as though he had never seen them before. “Such an _artist’s_ perspective...I suppose it could be considered beautiful, couldn’t it? I’ve never really thought of it before, but it does feel like home more than my parent's house ever did.”

“I understand completely…” Cole said as he followed Felix through a door that led to a hallway full of dormitories. 

“Ours is number twelve.” Felix unlocked the door and let Cole step through first. “Welcome to our humble home. It’s not much, but it suits our studying and sleeping purposes just fine.”

Looking around the room, Cole took in the neat pile of books that were stacked on the desk in the corner. Diagrams of the human brain had been pinned onto the dark green walls, accompanied by an albumen photo of a young boy and girl smiling brightly as they stood next to each other. There were stacks of papers and leatherbound journals that had been perfectly arranged to keep organized and an assortment of ink bottles lining the edge of the desk ready to be used. 

“I figured you could sleep here by the fireplace in the middle?” Felix said as he pointed at the large brick fireplace. “You can unpack your things in the top drawer of that dresser that I cleared for you while I set up your cot. I didn’t want to do it earlier and raise suspicion from Gilbert, of course.”

“You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble-“

“It’s no trouble, I ensure you. I’m happy - _we_ are happy to have you stay with us. Gilbert does snore sometimes, though, so you might regret it tonight.”

Lightening the tension that was hanging between them since he arrived, Cole laughed at Felix as he began to unpack. “I have a lot of younger siblings, I assure you I can sleep through anything.”

Felix was unrolling the cot as he looked up at Cole and asked, “oh? For some reason I assumed you had no family and that is why you lived with Ms. Barry.”

“No, I do have a family, if you could call them that...they were not very accepting of me and had intentions of me running the family farm. I knew that in doing so I would have run it, and myself, into the ground. They could be quite intrusive and...degrading, at times. One day, I finally had enough and ran away to Jo who accepted me with open arms.” Bending down to help Felix tuck in the blankets, Cole wondered why he was so willingly opening up his life’s book when he normally kept his story very private. He hadn’t even told any of his friends at art school half as much as he had just said to Felix.

“I’m sorry your family is that way, I know it can be very difficult.” Felix sat on the finished cot and stared out the window as Cole sat down as well. “My father also wants me to take over the family business, but alas, I do not have a Josephine Barry to encourage my valiant rebellion.”

“The first step away from them is the most difficult - not that I’m trying to encourage you to give up everything…” Cole shifted on the cot, feeling awkward being alone with Felix in his room. “It isn’t an easy choice, but in the end it was worth it for me. Although I’ve only known you a short while, I hope you don’t mind me saying that you seem like a determined person. You simply just have to choose what is best for you, whatever that may be, and everything will fall into place. It most certainly won’t be easy, you will have to work for it to all fit together, but it will.”

Felix was still staring out the window as he smiled faintly and analyzed Cole’s advice. “Normally I’m the one giving the counsel, not receiving it. I like the way your mind works, Cole, it’s intriguing. Although I’ve only known you for a short while as well, you’ve yet to cease to amaze me with what comes from that lovely head of yours.”

“Anne told me about your studies, I’m sure you’ve seen more interesting minds than mine.” 

Standing up from the cot, Felix said, “yes, well, some minds are more alluring than others.” Felix’s eyes scanned over Cole’s face and found that he didn’t need to search for what was plainly visible. “I’m almost always certain I can find the fundamental truth behind the facade someone tries to put forth, but it seems you do not try to wear a facade.” He held out his hand to help Cole up.

Cole took Felix’s offered hand and slowly stood. They were only inches apart and he didn’t make any effort to move away from Felix as he spoke. “And I’m almost always certain I can challenge someone’s perception of what they think is _truth_ . You crave holding onto your _truth_ , I crave to shatter it.”

His eyes drifted to Cole’s lips for only a moment, then Felix let slip, “a challenge I might willingly accept.” Taking in a deep breath to try and step away from the edge that he was so willingly walking toward, Felix added, “we should go find Gilbert and Anne before they get too hungry. Gilbert gets grumpy when he’s hungry.”

“So does Anne.” Cole reluctantly stepped away from Felix and let him lead the way to find their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I have been waiting for this Felix/Cole drama since chapter one!!! Lol. Are you guys feeling it?! I hope I do the lgbtq+ community justice and appropriately address the issues they faced in 1900, as the show did. Feel free to comment or message me if there is something you would like to see that feels important to you :) someone asked what I imagine Felix to look like, and although I wanted to keep him ambiguous so you could insert someone that looks what you want him to look like...in my mind, he is Jude Law from The Talented Mr. Ripley *heart eyes*


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A full chapter of Shirbert fluff for you all! :)

Anne’s bright eyes were reflecting the lights as she looked up, captivated by the red glowing lanterns that swayed above her as she walked along the sidewalk in Toronto’s newly growing Chinatown. They illuminated her path with a scarlet hue that saturated Anne’s hair to an even more intense shade of red, making her glow brighter than the flames inside the paper orbs above her. The smells that rose with the steam into the air around them came from spices she had never encountered and she immediately wanted to know the names and origins of each of them. She stood to the side so that a mother could pass by with her two children, their bundled up smiles warming her on such a crisp late winter evening. 

Gilbert watched Anne as she dug around in a basket for a fruit that he didn’t know the name of, thinking that she looked like an ember happily dancing around the fire of her curiosity.

“She really is something, isn’t she?” Cole said as he stood next to Gilbert, with Felix on his other side. All three of them were taking in Anne’s eagerness to inspect and appreciate every sight and sound that surrounded them. It came so naturally to her that she almost forgot she wasn’t alone until she noticed their stares and made her way back over to them.

“I haven’t understood a single word being spoken around us since we turned onto this street. Isn’t it perfectly thrilling!” Anne exclaimed as she took Gilbert’s arm and pulled him over to take a bite of the fruit she had just discovered. 

As Felix and Cole wandered off, Anne found an older gentleman selling silks and couldn’t help but run her hands over each one. They were so light that she could barely feel them slither across her fingers. Gilbert picked up a roll of red silk that had a golden dragon dancing between the brocade flowers and said, “It feels like we were somehow able to travel to China simply by turning a corner on York Street doesn’t it?”

“Yes, as if it magically appeared here just for us to explore. I have to say, Gilbert, your letters did _not_ do this delightful place justice.”

Gilbert laughed at Anne’s reprimand and said, “good, I’m glad! That left everything here a mystery until you could explore it for yourself.” He reached down to grab Anne’s hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. “It’s much more enchanting with you here than when Felix and I normally just pop in for dumplings after a long night of studying.”

Hidden behind the tall bolts of fabric, Anne took a daring step closer to Gilbert and said, “I always enjoy encountering anything new and exciting, but it is rather riveting to have you encounter it along with me.”

Gilbert was lowering his head, bringing his lips closer to Anne’s at a painstakingly slow pace. “There is so much for us to encounter together, how will we ever fit it into one lifetime?”

“I suppose we will have to find each other in the next life as well?” Anne whispered as she stood motionless, Gilbert getting closer with each moment. 

The thought of finding Anne in another life made him begin the kiss already lightheaded. It had been months since he had felt Anne’s lips against his and the kiss earlier in front of the library did nothing to satiate the ache he felt being so far from her for so long. There was a sense of urgency, that they could be spotted at any moment, and yet they moved at a leisurely pace. When he kissed Anne he never wanted to hurry, unlike every other moment in his life when he always anxiously awaited the next new thing. The way her hands would slowly begin to work their way up his chest to find the back of his neck felt like it took forever, exactly how he wanted it to. When she would gradually open her lips further with each kiss it seemed she moved as gradually as a flower blooming in spring, leaving him with the perfect amount of anticipation.

Anne could feel herself losing her ties to the reality around her, the busy market full of people, Cole and Felix probably wondering where they were...all of it began to fade as she settled into Gilbert’s embrace. Nothing else mattered when he wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her close, and yet somehow not close enough. 

The sound of a woman suddenly shrieking broke them apart quite abruptly, her loud disapproval completely understandable even though they did not understand the language she was speaking. She began to shoo them away as they laughed and apologized, but she would have none of it and so they began to run hand in hand through the market. Having very little breath to begin with because of all the kissing, by the time they found Cole and Felix they were barely able to speak because of all the laughing and running. 

Cole rolled his eyes at them; Felix just looked disappointed. 

“Let’s go get some food,” Felix said, “before either of you get hurt, or worse, get us kicked out and we never get to have dumplings again!” 

——

The last bamboo steamer was opened and the four friends each reached in through the cloud to find a dumpling for themself. They had been sitting at the crowded table for so long that they had lost track of time, scooping and slurping and sipping their tea until they were delirious from eating and laughing too much. 

Anne had never heard of chopsticks before, much less used them, so she immediately tried to conquer them and became somewhat proficient at getting the food from her plate to her mouth throughout their meal. 

“Come on, Carrots,” Gilbert teased, “I bet I can pick up a single grain of rice faster than you can.”

Glaring at Gilbert she responded, “you’re on, Blythe!” and immediately started concentrating her efforts on beating Gilbert. 

After a few moments, Gilbert yelled out in victory as he held up his single grain of rice for everyone to see. Anne rolled her eyes and said, “I let you win this one as pity for having defeated you at Christmas.”

Felix had told them stories of when he was a child and his father had a meeting with the Prime Minister. He and his sister Theodora had been instructed to behave like the respectable children they were trained to be, but his sister had decided to put a frog under the table at tea. The event had caused the Prime Minister to lose his balance and sprain his foot as he tried to get away from the amphibian. Felix took the blame for Theodora and didn’t get to access the family’s library for a month as punishment. Gilbert said that he once did something similar to scare Bash, except with a spider, but the only repercussion was that Bash later paid him back with a snake in his shoes.

“I honestly can’t wait to meet this Bash one day, he sounds like a man after my own heart,” Felix mused as he dipped his dumpling in the sauce.

Gilbert said, “Cole, if those two are ever in the same room together, please tell me you’ll be on my side?”

Cole nodded as he sipped his tea and added, “I’ll gladly stand by you in the line of battle, but I honestly don’t know which side Anne would choose?”

Anne thought for a moment and then finally decided, “I think I’ll stay neutral and just sit back and watch the amusement commence!”

They were laughing loudly as the waitress set down their checks. Felix grabbed them quickly and said, “please, let my father pay for tonight. It’s the nicest thing he’ll do this week.”

As they began their slow journey back to campus, Gilbert offered to walk Anne to her hotel which she readily accepted. Cole was so tired from their long day and a full belly that he willingly relinquished his chaperone duties and warned them that he better not get in trouble with the Cuthberts.

Their path was barely lit with the few twinkling city lights still burning at such a late hour. Gilbert held her hand as he talked animatedly about the upcoming hockey game. Anne had dreamed of moments like these her entire life, imagining a faceless girl with her handsome beau wandering the streets while obviously in love. Never once in those fantasies had she ever dreamt of _herself_ in that situation, she never assumed she would find love or have it returned so willingly. 

“I truly believed romance couldn’t exist anywhere outside of the pages of a novel. Yet, here you are…” Anne stopped walking as she spoke and looked up eagerly into Gilbert’s dark eyes.

“Talking about hockey is romantic to you?” he joked as he pulled her closer.

“Well, I could write an entire book on the art of watching the boy you love play hockey, but no that’s not necessarily what I meant!”

“Anne girl, I never expected to have romance in my life either. I expected to have camaraderie, perhaps even humor, but never romance. We truly are lucky to have all three, and I am well aware of how grateful I should be that I have you in my life.”

Standing in the dark alley that ran along the side of Anne's hotel, Gilbert's normal hesitancy about disregarding propriety fell to the wayside as Anne stared up at him with her eyes full of overwhelming affection and emotion. Her hands drifted through the opening of his coat and brushed across his stomach slowly, reaching around his back to pull him closer to her. He felt her warm breath on his neck as she laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him, wanting to feel as close to him as possible. His arms effortlessly wrapped around her small body and he kissed the top of her forehead, trying to commit the feel of her body melting against his to memory. The sudden sensation of her lips on the edge of his jaw caused him to inahle sharply. It was almost as though she instinctively knew exactly what would make him lose all sense of decency and indulge himself in more of her touch than society said was proper. Anne's lips grazed across his jaw and finally found his lips, teasingly hovering there for a moment before he could wait no longer and finally connected their kiss. Her soft sigh as he unexpextedly deepend their kiss made his chest hurt it thrilled him so much. Bewitched by Anne's reaction to him, Gilbert let his inhibitions fall even more as he pressed against Anne so that she was pushed up against the cold brick wall of the hotel. He let his intuition guide him and deepend their kiss even further, unsure of exactly what could be next but knowing that he wanted more of Anne than he could have.

Anne was lost in the cloud of her body taking over her mind. She loved Gilbert, she was sure of that. Her heart was his and always would be. But at that moment she felt more than just love, she felt the overwhelming attraction to Gilbert and his nice chin and his dark eyes and his soft curls. She wanted more but already knew that she had taken too much. She nipped at his lower lip and found what she was looking for, the low moan she had only heard once before and had dreamt about ever since. Gilbert pushed against her even more and she knew they were too close, yet it still felt not close enough. She smiled at the sway she had over Gilbert and knew she could probably convince him to catch the moon for her in that moment. No one had ever been easily influenced by her, especially not a boy, and especially not in this way. It was intoxicating. 

“Anne,” Gilbert mumbled against her lips between kisses, “I know we should slow down, but I really don’t want to be the voice of reason right now.”

Pulling away to hug Gilbert tightly again, Anne whispered, “it’s perfectly fine, Gilbert.” He shuddered as she said his name against the tender skin below his ear. “We have a delightful forever ahead of us to go as slow as you like.” 

Gilbert took a small step back and rested his forehead against hers. After a few deep breaths he ran his thumb across Anne’s cheek and then lifted her chin for one final sweet kiss. “Don’t ever stop being exactly what I need.” He took her hand then and walked her to the door of her hotel room. As soon as he began to turn around to leave he heard Anne shout his name from inside her room. 

“Gilbert, wait! I forgot something!” Anne was opening the door and holding an awkwardly large package wrapped in brown paper. She held it out towards him with an eager smile and did the little dance of enthusiasm she always did when she was excited. “I told you I would find the male equivalent of sending you flowers…”

He tore the paper at the top and immediately knew what was inside. “Anne, you brought this all the way from Avonlea?” He ripped the rest of the paper to reveal a brand new Mi’kmaq hockey stick that had a dark red stripe down the middle and was polished so well it shined in the candlelight.

“Actually, all the way from Ka’kwet’s new village! I asked Aluk to make a new one for you when I was there visiting. I figured the last one he made for you is probably too short by now, and I thought a hockey tournament was the perfect time to have a brand new hockey stick!”

Gilbert raised his eyebrows both in amazement at the craftsmanship of the stick and the kindness of Anne’s gift. He thanked her many times and kept laughing at the thought of her traveling with this enormous package on the train. “I think you really did find the perfect parallel to sending a girl flowers. I love the red stripe down the middle, it will make me think of you every time I see it.” He held the gift in one hand and placed his other hand on Anne’s cheek. “I love you and your competitive nature.”

Anne gave him a stunned look and said, “this wasn’t a competition!”

“No, no…” Gilbert shook his head, “you can’t fool me, Carrots!” He bent down and kissed her before she could try to defend her competitive nature. She almost forgot what she was going to say by the time he was done kissing her when he said, “just wait until you see what I have in store to get you back.”

He turned to walk away from her with a mischievous smile beaming brighter than the moonlight that lit his face. Anne just laughed at him and tried to catch her breath that he had just stolen from her.

——

A rather loud noise awoke Anne from an adventurous dream in which she had befriended a small garden gnome and was helping it find its family that had been stolen by a one-legged goblin. She attempted to roll over in the tangled bedsheets that she found herself wrapped up in and jumped when the loud noise rang through her room again and startled her.

“Anne? Are you in there?”

Gilbert’s voice was muffled by the heavy wooden door, but confused Anne nonetheless. Why was he in Charlottetown standing outside of her room? She looked around her and noticed her suitcase and the dress laid out for the day, the beautiful dark blue velvet one that Marilla had made for her. She only wore that on special occasions...like traveling to Toronto to visit Gilbert and watch him play hockey. 

“Do you not want any breakfast? I can come back later, if you’d rather?”

After a few moments of fighting with the sheets that were holding her legs captive still, Anne was finally free from their snare when she, without thinking, stumbled out of bed and ran over to fling the door open. Gilbert stepped back in surprise, took in the sight of Anne in her nightgown, and abruptly turned his eyes away as a blush crept across his face. Looking down at what made Gilbert act so peculiar, Anne noticed her own indecency and closed the door halfway to cover herself. 

“I-I’m so sorry, Gilbert,” Anne said with her raspy morning voice, “I must have overslept!”

“It’s perfectly understandable, you had a very long day yesterday!” Gilbert dared to look at Anne again now that he was no longer in danger of seeming improper. Her hair was tousled in a wildly beautiful way as it fell over one of her shoulders. She only had one eye open and was squinting at the morning light that was beaming around him in the hallway. The intimacy of seeing Anne in her nightgown - again - was enough to make him smirk at his own awkwardness. In the daylight, and with no champagne to give him bubbly boldness, he couldn’t think of anything to say. 

Anne cried out in frustration at the condition she was in. She had always hated being caught unaware in any situation, but when it came to Gilbert she was especially sensitive to it. She mumbled, “ _how_ do I always do this to myself?” as she ran a hand through the waves that framed her face and inadvertently caused Gilbert to blush even more as a wide grin began to appear on his face.

“I’m more than happy to give you time to get ready! Although, I’m not exactly sure how long that will take...sorry, I’m not very well-versed in the ways of women’s morning routines.” 

With an obstinate resolution not to further humiliate herself, Anne said she would only need five minutes as she slammed the door and began to employ the quick-dressing abilities she gained from growing up in an orphanage. As soon as she had shoved on her last shoe she calmly opened the door again and hoped she looked somewhat decent. She didn’t take the time to do her hair completely and left half of it down, fully aware of how uncommon that was for a lady of her age but how much Gilbert liked it. “I’m so sorry to make you wait, I really don’t know why I slept so late!” She shut and locked the hotel door then they made their way out of the hotel.

“You really don’t have to apologize, I may have been a bit overeager which caused me to rise early this morning.” He smiled down at Anne and held her hand as they walked across the street towards the cafe that Gilbert often had coffee at after a late night of studying. 

Gilbert pulled Anne’s chair out for her when they found an empty table in the cafe. She had never felt so _of age_ , the dark smell of coffee billowing around them as the people of Toronto chattered on about their business deals and spilled the latest gossip and debated about politics and philosophy. Anne ordered everything that sounded intriguing on the menu and made Gilbert share it with her. The smoke from early morning cigarettes floated around their heads and created a romantic haze. Gilbert found a newspaper for them to share and he read about the latest horseless carriage being built in America while Anne poured over an editorial in The Globe. After reading it twice, she finally set the paper down and said, “Gilbert, I have to be honest. I didn’t come here with completely altruistic intentions…”

One of Gilbert’s eyebrows shot up in response to her intriguing statement and he waited for her to continue.

She reached in her bag and pulled out a leather folio, placing it gently in front of Gilbert on the table. He slowly opened it to find pages with familiar words written on it, words he had poured over with Anne via their letters for the past two months. 

“Your article about Ka’kwet’s story? It’s ready?” Gilbert thumbed through the pages as he asked.

“Yes, it took me long enough, but I learned a very hard lesson about rushing into these things...if equality is the topic then it must be thoroughly planned and flawlessly executed - and an extra sprinkle of help from friends doesn’t hurt either!”

Laughing at the memory of Anne’s disastrous first attempt at journalistic justice, Gilbert said, “I think you will always do the right thing, no matter what; it’s just who you are. But I’m glad to see that you are carefully planning on _when_ to do the right thing...can I read it?”

Anne bit her nail and let him read the article, anxiously awaiting his thoughts on the final draft she intended to take to The Globe that afternoon to submit for publication.

_‘It is the hope of not only myself, but I believe also of the divine creator of all life, that the true events and subsequent opinions found in this article fall on willingly open ears and tender hearts. The intention of this article is to adamantly defend the voiceless and spark the delicate flames of a conversation that must be had. If this conversation does not begin, then we as a nation might continue to hurt thousands of people by a sin of omission. In order to set the stage for the facts that will be laid out forthwith, the following statement must be applied and recalled upon throughout:_

_People, no matter the color of their skin, their diverse ancestry, or their socioeconomic means, matter completely on their own, not in relation to any other man. All men, women, and children should be treated with respect and dignity.’_

“Hm...I like the part you added about sparking a conversation that _must_ be had, that’s great…” Gilbert mumbled as he traced his finger along the edges and lines of Anne’s sharp sentences. He held his chin in his hands as he continued to read and Anne was momentarily distracted by how handsome he looked, thinking that he really did have such a nice chin.

_For one man to believe that he has more wisdom about someone else’s basic rights than they themselves do is not only a crime against their humanity, but a sign of the ignorance and true lack of wisdom that man is attempting to boast about being in possession of._

Gilbert smiled at Anne’s boldness and continued to read about Ka’kwet’s story, the same story he first heard around the bonfire that chilled his spirit to the core. Reading it written plainly on a page was no less piercing than hearing it aloud, and although the cafe was warm with people and a fire in the corner, it still made a shiver run down his spine to read of the horrors that Ka’kwet and many other children had to endure. At the end of Anne’s account of the pain that her friend will forever carry with her, Gilbert read aloud her closing statement.

“ _No child - no human - should have to endure the traumatic and pointless actions pressed upon them in these Residential Schools. Parents losing their children are crying out in pain, and it is our moral duty to intervene and protect them. This is a call to anyone reading this: you are more than capable to help in this situation, the question is will you?”_ Gilbert returned the last page to its fellow comrades in the leather folio and leaned back in his chair.

“Well? Is it good? I’m still not sure if it will be accepted, but I don’t think I can tone it down or soften it any more than that. I’m still unsure of the part where I said-”

“It’s perfect,” Gilbert interrupted. He leaned across the table and held her hand, adding, “if this doesn’t stir the hearts of the people reading it, then nothing will.”

Anne beamed with pride at Gilbert’s encouragement and let it fuel her determination. “Well then, what do you say to leading the way to their headquarters so that I don’t have to try and find it by myself? Or should you be practicing with your team right now?”

“We don’t have practice until this afternoon, so I had already planned to spend the morning with you. What better way to spend time with my intended than by trying to bring down the establishment together?” 

Anne stood up and began to put on her coat as she said, “well, since I seem to have lost my chaperone I’ll need someone to come along and start a revolution with me!”

“Oh, yeah, he and Felix were both still asleep when I left this morning, which is odd because Felix usually wakes before I do.” They stepped out of the vacuum of the warm, quiet cafe and into the rush of a cold, loud city. Gilbert wondered out loud, “they seem to be getting along quite well, though, wouldn’t you say?”

Anne suppressed a smirk as she said, “yes, I suspect Cole likes Felix _very_ much…”

Gilbert gave her an odd look and said, “it seems that Felix is very eager to get to know Cole as well. I could hear them whispering late into the night about everything from art to the meaning of life.”

“Really?” Anne asked as the thought began to grow in her mind. Felix seemed to be a very kind person, a kindred spirit, so she had no doubt he would be welcoming to Cole. Now that she thought of it, she had noticed the glances and blushes might not have been one-sided. “Gilbert...can I ask something personal about Felix?”

“Sure,” Gilbert said. “I’m not sure if I will know the answer though, he doesn’t share much about his personal life.”

Carefully choosing her words, Anne asked, “has Felix ever shown interest in _anyone_ here at school, or back home?”

“Ah, well that’s the one topic he never speaks of, so I definitely have no information there. Why do you ask?”

Frustrated at having to hold in a secret that wasn’t hers to tell, Anne tried to get Gilbert to see without blatantly showing him. “I only ask because I think Cole is eager to get to know Felix as well...so I am wondering if you know how likely it is that my best friend is going to get hurt in his eagerness?”

Always an astute student, Gilbert slowly but surely put the pieces together of what Anne was asking. Cole had always been close to Anne and Diana, but never seemed interested in any other girls. Felix was so adamant about denying his father’s proposal of marriage because “he will always want someone he can never have…” Gilbert mumbled to himself.

“Huh?” Anne asked, waiting anxiously for his response.

“Felix...he said he was ‘ _like Cole_ ’ and I think he meant…” Gilbert stopped walking abruptly and Anne bumped into him. “Anne, I think Felix might be romantically interested in Cole.”

Relieved at her love’s cunning and open mind, Anne replied, “and I think Cole might be romantically interested in Felix.”

Taking it all in, Gilbert simply nodded his head as he began walking slowly again. “Do you suppose we should, I don't know, do something about it? I mean help them along?”

Anne beamed with both pride and relief at Gilbert as she said, “although I believe that love does conquer all, I don’t think a little assistance will hurt! After all, I learned all of my matching skills from Rachel Lynde. What could go wrong?”

Shuddering at the thought of employing the tactics of Rachel Lynde, Gilbert laughed as he said, “I think Bash would agree that her methods are a bit too...bold.” 

They stopped in front of a tall building with majestic white pillars that belonged in a Greek temple, not Toronto. The monumental building was the home of the newspaper that Anne hoped would publish her article and she could already feel the nerves beginning to pulse from her chest to the tips of her fingers. 

“Sometimes boldness is needed in order to help people...” Anne felt the words come out more like a prayer for what she was about to attempt than a statement in response to Cole’s love life. 

“I am grateful for your boldness, truth be told.” Gilbert took both of Anne’s hands and brought them to his lips and kissed them. Holding her blue gaze with his dark eyes, he added, “your boldness is perfect. You don’t need Lynde-level boldness, and you don’t need to soften either. You’re perfect the way you are and the world will be a better place because of what you shape it to be.” 

“Gilbert?” Anne asked.

“Yes, Anne girl?”

“Don’t ever stop being exactly what I need,” Anne said as she held on tightly to Gilbert’s hands and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Partners for life?”

Gilbert’s smile was full of love and hope and excitement and intensity, with no sign of hesitation. “Partners for life. Now, let's go show The Globe exactly what a little Anne Shirley-Cuthbert boldness can accomplish in this world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live near a large city in the US and its Chinatown is one of our favorite places to visit. The food is absolutely divine, I mean there really isn’t anything to compare it to it’s so good. We have our favorite spots we like to visit and the people are SO nice and welcoming. I may have written this in mourning for not being able to visit the past 6 months of Covid haha! I felt like Anne would have loved it, especially since Toronto’s Chinatown was rapidly growing at that time. If you live near any small family-owned food places, go support them during this hard time! Order take-out or delivery, or even just buy gift cards for future use/Christmas gifts to help keep their business going!
> 
> Yayyy Gilbert finally figured it all out haha!! Now let's work on getting Felix and Cole to figure themselves out!
> 
> I think I have a plan of how to "finish this season" but the question is: do you guys want a "season 5"??!? I think I have some ideas of what I would do, there's definitely plenty of things left to explore with Gilbert/Anne and Jerry/Diana and Cole/Felix and Bash/Muriel...but I think it would be a tame and tasteful M rated season since it would be all about discovering an M rated season of life lol. Let me know your thoughts!!


	19. Chapter 19

“That spineless, brittle old vermin actually thinks he is fooling us masquerading around as an editor of a newspaper!” Anne thundered down the front steps of The Globe as Gilbert trailed behind her. “He is no editor! He is nothing more than a crusty cockroach that purposefully hides himself in the dark! How dare he…” Anne stopped abruptly and Gilbert almost ran into her, “how dare he say those things about my writing! He only read the first paragraph before throwing it back in my face! It’s bad enough that he is so lacking in principle and a sense of justice that he wouldn’t know a dictator from a bumblebee, but his remarks are evidence enough that journalistic integrity is dead.” She dramatically slumped her shoulders as she looked down at her feet.

“I don’t disagree that his manner seemed a bit...harsh. I know some of the senior doctors at school have lost their polish, maybe he has just become a bit unyielding over the years?” Gilbert attempted to calm Anne down, but he was trying his best to keep calm himself. He always hated a bully, but when it came to Anne it took everything in him to keep from storming back in there and having a heated discussion with this Mr. Cooper, Editor-in-Chief. 

Anne held her leather folio up in the air and shook it as she spat, “oh, I’ll show him  _ unyielding _ . Just you wait! Mr. Cooper will be begging for me to  _ yield _ once I’m done with him. He will rue the day he called me a ‘ _ lackluster meddler _ ’ and I will show him-”

“Gilbert Blythe? And Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, is that really you?”

Anne and Gilbert both turned at the same time to see Prissy Andrews walking up the steps toward them, looking naturally beautiful in a pale dress that flowed behind her as she stopped in front of them. 

“Prissy? Oh my, what an unexpected face to see here in Toronto! What are you doing here?” Anne asked with a shocked look on her face as her simmering anger immediately stilled. Prissy hugged her and then waved at Gilbert in greeting. Although they had never really gotten along during their school days, Anne’s well-meaning comments were responsible for saving Prissy from a very unfortunate and loveless marriage to Mr. Phillips, leaving an unspoken bond between the girls that would never be severed.

“Me?” Prissy asked, surprised that Anne was unaware of her status. “Didn’t Jane tell you?”

“Jane?” Anne furrowed her brow for a moment and then forced a pleasant smile on her face. “She must have forgotten to mention whatever grand adventure I’m sure you’re embarking on.” Trying to hide her confusion, she quickly added for Prissy’s sake, “you know Jane! Always forgetting about everything else except for what’s right in front of her.”

Prissy just rolled her eyes, too cunning for Anne’s attempt to ease the embarrassment of the entire Andrews family's current lack of pride in her ambitions. “No, I’m sure she purposely didn’t mention it at my father’s request.” Waving her hand at the overbearing building behind them, she said, “my fiancé, Everett Lewis, is a journalist here at The Globe.” Anne noticed the sparkle of a ring on her hand then as Prissy dropped it back to her side and added, “I’ve been taking typing classes and I’m here to interview for a position. Everett loves the idea of us working together, even though it makes my father cringe every time he so much as sees a typewriter and thinks of me using one.”

“I hadn’t heard you were engaged, Prissy. Congratulations!” Gilbert said as he smiled at Prissy and she thanked him.

“Everett comes from nothing though, no family and no status, so my father hated the idea of him from day one. That’s why you probably haven’t heard anything about him. Even though he makes almost the same salary as Father does...God forbid that someone works their way up in the world and doesn’t rely on privilege and influence alone.” She rolled her eyes for the second time. “Are you going inside? Perhaps I could introduce you?”

“Actually we just left,” Gilbert mumbled. 

“And we might as well have been thrown out by our collars the way that pompous Mr. Cooper treated me! I was here to try and publish a story about my friend Ka’kwet and her tragic experience at the Residential School, but it looks like I will have to attempt to pitch it at a different newspaper that isn’t run by a man with a very small mind.”

Prissy considered Anne’s words for a moment and then said, “would you mind if Everett had a look at it? He has some sway with mean old Mr. Cooper, being their star reporter and all. Don’t tell him I said that or it will go to his head.” She smiled and added, “maybe he can convince Cooper to at least consider it?”

Anne’s eyes shined in the sunlight that bounced off the perfectly white building next to them. “Oh, Prissy, that would be fantastic! Are you sure it won’t be putting your Everett out too much? I’d hate to bother him, although it really is an important piece.” 

“Then all the more reason he would love to help. I have to run, or I’ll be late for my interview, but if you will entrust your article with me I promise to get it to him and have him write you at Blackmore about the status of his scheming. He can be quite persuasive,” she winked as she took Anne’s leather folio and started walking away from Anne and Gilbert. “He persuaded Harmon Andrews to begrudgingly give him his daughter’s hand in marriage, after all!” 

She waved as Anne shouted, “good luck, Prissy, and thank you!! I am forever in your debt!”

——

Gilbert had intended to bring Anne to visit the awe-inspiring library at U of T as a celebration after a successful pitch to The Globe, but instead, it turned into him using the old books and grand staircases as a salve for her wounds. 

“I never thought I would see so many books in one place, with all their stories and knowledge and concepts methodically arranged on a shelf and waiting to be discovered. It’s just so…” she paused and took in a deep breath as she held onto the railing of the balcony overlooking more bookshelves than she could count, “...so overwhelmingly profound.” She turned around and found the nearest shelf as Gilbert silently followed behind her, watching the disappointment of the visit to the newspaper be absorbed by the dusty pages surrounding her. She stretched out her delicate fingers and reverently touched the smooth spines of a set of manuscripts that boasted dull gold lettering proclaiming what intellectual treasure waited inside. “Come on,” she said once she had recovered from the trance she was in, “let’s see if we can reach the highest shelf and find the loneliest book.” 

Gilbert took Anne’s hand and relished in her excitement. He whispered, “I think I know exactly where to look…” and led her away like a prospector with an inkling of where to strike gold.

After climbing a spiral staircase that had wrought-iron swirls twisting throughout the railing, they reached a level of the library that was dimly lit and wrapped in a cozy blanket of dust. The books here were  _ old _ \- tomes full of Newton’s laws of motion, Darwin’s musings on the power of plants, and Shakespeare’s tragedies. Gilbert didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt Anne’s highly focused pursuit. She followed the path of a thick old rug that led to a corner. Looking over at Gilbert once she had located her trophy, she said, “if you would be so kind as to lend me your long arms, I’m afraid mine are too short to reach the top shelf.”

Gilbert didn’t answer, but instead grinned mischievously as he slipped around the corner and out of sight. Anne was about to protest when he immediately came back around, rolling a library ladder along the shelves as he approached her. “This should help. You can have the honor of reaching for the loneliest book. It will appreciate your attention more than mine, I think.”

Biting her bottom lip, Anne tried not to smile too wide as she tentatively climbed the creaky old ladder. Each rung protested loudly, but held firm. She slowly slithered her way up, hoping the ladder would hold just a few more seconds so she could reach the book she sought after. Carefully, she grabbed the one with the emerald green spine and tucked it under her shoulder as she started to make her way down. Each rung protested louder than it had on her journey up. The second one from the bottom was softened wood and twisted as she stepped on it, causing her to slip and let out a soft yelp in surprise. Standing only inches away, Gilbert was quick to grab her as she fell and hold on tightly as she clung to him. Years ago, she would have told Gilbert she could manage it herself and shunned his assistance. Years ago, he might have let her struggle on the ladder just to spite her and her attitude. But in that moment, neither of them minded the excuse to find themselves in a precarious situation. Anne cracked a smile as she looked down at Gilbert who was still holding her up, his farm-hardened arms apparently not going soft after so many months of sedentary schooling. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine...I think a nail scratched my arm, but I’ll survive. The book is okay.”

A smile replaced the look of concern on Gilbert’s face as he muttered, “oh, well, as long as the book is okay!” Painstakingly slow, Gilbert let Anne slide down his body the rest of the way until her feet were on the ground in front of him. “Can I see your arm?” Anne set the book on a lower shelf and rolled up her sleeve, revealing a small splinter poking out of the soft skin above her wrist. “Ah, no rusty nail, thank goodness. But you do have a splinter. I think it’s big enough that I can get it out, is that okay?”

“Sure,” Anne said as she cringed at the thought.

Gilbert and Anne sat down on the plush rug beneath them and she looked away as he gently pulled her arm into his lap. The offending fragment of the old rolling ladder was deep in her arm, but it all seemed to be in one piece and if he pulled it out correctly it shouldn’t cause too much trouble. He looked up at Anne and saw her wince as he put his fingers over her skin. “I’ll be quick, okay? It won’t hurt too bad and will probably feel better immediately. Three...two…”

Before he said “one” he tugged on the splinter and it easily came out. Anne yelped again and started to chastise him for pulling before he was done counting, but he immediately put the wound up to his mouth and let his lips cover the minuscule amount of blood that had beaded there. Anne inhaled sharply as she watched him, his dark eyes never leaving hers. He pulled back and let his eyes slide down to the wound. Deciding it was fine, he left a kiss in place of the splinter. Anne felt her heart beat faster at the intimate act, but Gilbert let go and started digging in his pocket, pulling out a small bit of bandage he had neatly wrapped up.

“Do you always carry a bandage around with you everywhere you go, or did you plan for this to happen?”

Gilbert smirked as he wrapped the soft cloth around Anne’s arm, noticing how her milky skin would have almost camouflaged the stark white bandage if it wasn’t for the constellation of delightful freckles on her arms. 

“A doctor must always be prepared to help a patient in need, Anne. Well...I’m not a doctor yet, but I have been in enough emergency situations already that I learned that lesson long before medical school.”

Anne ran her hands over the bandage but left her sleeve rolled up. She thanked him as she reached up for the book that had caused all this trouble and set it down in her lap with a  _ thud _ . 

“Hello, old friend. Let’s see what you have waiting inside for us.” She relished the sound of the pages creaking as she opened it, the old book smell hitting her senses even harder as she inhaled the sweet, earthy scent as slowly as possible. It was a collection of poems, written by someone she didn’t know but immediately felt connected to. She read a page aloud, quietly whispering the words to herself as Gilbert watched her lips move.

_ Then why, my soul, dost thou complain? _

_ Why drooping seek the dark recess? _

_ Shake off the melancholy chain. _

_ For God created all to bless. _

_ But ah! my breast is human still; _

_ The rising sigh, the falling tear, _

_ My languid vitals' feeble rill, _

_ The sickness of my soul declare. _

_ But yet, with fortitude resigned, _

_ I'll thank th' inflicter of the blow; _

_ Forbid the sigh, compose my mind, _

_ Nor let the gush of mis'ry flow. _

_ The gloomy mantle of the night, _

_ Which on my sinking spirit steals, _

_ Will vanish at the morning light, _

_ Which God, my East, my sun reveals. _

  
  


The words felt heavy in the musty old air around them. Anne swept her fingers across the rough page and felt each letter. “My entire life, I have had to fight the idea that I am not capable, or that I’m nothing more than someone to throw away. But Ka’kwet gave me a name, she called me Melkita’ulamun. It means a strong, brave heart.” Anne closed the book and set it down next to her on the rug. “She thinks I am capable, but today I failed her and her people. If Prissy hadn’t been there, my article would be nothing more than kindling for that vile old man’s fire.”

Gilbert lifted Anne’s chin as he said, “you are not only the most important person in my life, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, but you are also the most resilient and kind and without a doubt the most capable. You are not to be _ thrown away,  _ and anyone that made you feel that way only cast onto you what they felt about themselves. Like the poet said,  _ ‘Shake off the melancholy chain’ _ and fight for what you want; let others like me and Prissy and her fiancé fight with you.” 

Anne let one tear of failure fall down her cheek, only one. She nodded at Gilbert slowly, letting his words push away the heavy mood the poem had brought forth, and repeated, “ _ ‘Shake off the melancholy chain’ _ ...you’re right. Freedom of speech is a human right and I will not be held down, nor will I let someone else’s rights be held down.” She ran her hand down her face and sighed. “I get so worked up in anger as soon as it happens and I’m ready to conquer the world, but in the dark, still moments like these I can always feel my past creep up and try to steal my fire. But I will take old man Cooper’s fear and turn it into fuel for my flames. I shall thank him, the ‘ _ inflictor of the blow _ ’, and let my fire burn as bright as the Eastern sun.”

“I don’t envy him.” Gilbert smirked as he took Anne’s hands in his, absentmindedly drawing circles on the backs of her hands with his thumbs. “We should probably get out of here before someone finds us in the restricted section and I lose my library access.”

Anne gasped, “this is the  _ restricted _ section?! I can’t believe Gilbert Blythe broke the rules! Why did you bring me up here?”

Shrugging, Gilbert simply replied, “you said you wanted to find the loneliest book, so this is where I knew you would find it. I don't like to break rules, but will if I find it necessary - you’re a bad influence on me, I guess?”

A pinch on the shoulder and a peck on the cheek was all Anne gave him as she let him discreetly lead the way back out into the common area before they got caught.

——

The smell of sweaty college-aged boys mingled with the distinct scent of frozen ice at the rink, causing Anne to occasionally cover her nose with Cole’s handkerchief that he so graciously let her borrow. Their seats were high up enough that they could see the entire rink, but had a hard time telling who was who.

“Which one is Gilbert, again?” Cole said loudly over all the yelling, sitting in between Anne and Felix and asking neither of them in particular.

Felix leaned in close to Cole’s ear so he didn’t have to shout and pointed as he said, “he’s right there. See the red jersey and dark hair? He always talks about ' _left wing_ ' something or other. I have no idea what that means, but he is always on that side of the ice.” 

The warmth from Felix’s breath on Cole’s ear and neck shocked him so much that he didn’t hear a single word Felix said, so he just mumbled, “oh yea...right, I see him now.” He wasn’t looking at the ice at all, though, and was still staring at Felix’s profile.

“Does anyone want popcorn?” Anne asked. “I think I might go get some popcorn.” Without waiting for a reply from either boy, she abruptly stood up and started walking away with a mischievous grin on her face. 

Felix watched her leave and decided to take this opportunity to dive back into Cole’s mind, a place he had grown to earnestly anticipate exploring over the past twenty-four hours. They had spent the entire evening wandering around the campus after letting Gilbert walk Anne to her hotel, discussing and debating a myriad of topics. They found benches to sit on until they grew tired of that view and then would move on and find a tree to lean against. Once their hands were numb from the cold, they went back to the dorm room to start a fire. Cole told him how his father would hit his younger brother for stacking the wood wrong when he was only seven years old; Felix told him how his father would do the same if he dared to tend his own fire when there were servants to do that for them. They shared their stories, some funny and some painful. Always dancing around the topic, but never outright speaking of their experience, or inexperience, with love. Felix knew it was dangerous, that if spoken about to the wrong person at the wrong time, his growing awareness of his own desires could not only lose friendships, but he could lose his life. He was  _ almost _ certain that Cole was attracted to him, and he was  _ very _ certain that he was attracted to Cole. The uncertainty and confusion of how to broach the subject left him frustrated, not knowing the  _ right _ way. Stepping through the typically exhausting dance of being interested in a person was only exacerbated by the fact that he had to side-step the dangers of saying something that could ruin his entire life if his father, or anyone for that matter, found out how he felt. 

“Do you play hockey?” Felix asked.

Cole flashed him a bemused smile and laughed as he said, “um, no...organized sports is not my idea of a good time. I’m not really a competitive person, I’m happy to just enjoy what I enjoy and leave it at that.”

“And what would you consider a good time?”

Taking a moment to consider the question, Cole answered, “slowly strolling through an art gallery on a rainy day. Enjoying old wine and fine cheese with good friends. Debating the meaning of life with a handsome companion…”

Felix’s eyes pierced through the crowd that had suddenly erupted and was cheering at some excellent play; clapping hands and team banners were flailing between the two of them as he stared at Cole while his lips curled up suggestively. Neither of them moved, still seated as Felix said, “I’m glad to know I was capable of ticking off at least one of those  _ good times  _ for you. Perhaps one day I can introduce you to the art scene in Toronto and sneak you one of my father’s vintages. He would never notice, he has so many of them simply for the sake of status, but wouldn’t know a Malbec from a Pinot Noir.”

“Ah but you forget, Felix, I’m just a simple country boy and wouldn't know the difference either.”

Hiding the shudder that slid down his spine simply from hearing Cole say his name in a teasing manner, Felix said, “I’d love to be the one to teach you.” He glanced at Cole’s lips again for a split second, then skimmed back up to his eyes. “To watch your face as you discovered the coarse tannins and expressive fruit, each bottle different from the next...it would be worth the wrath of my father if he found out.”

“I’m back! I got enough for all of us!” Anne interrupted them with kernels of popcorn spilling out of the bags as she balanced them in her arms. As she sat back down next to Cole she took in the color on his cheeks and the hint of a grin on Felix’s lips. “What are you guys talking about? Is Gilbert’s team winning?” She handed them each their bag and then started shoving popcorn in her mouth as she waited for an answer.

“I’m so sorry, dear Anne, Cole distracted me with his fascinating questions about wine and I haven’t been keeping up with the score. Although, by the look of it they aren’t doing too well, according to the faces of everyone around us wearing red.”

Anne looked around and noticed that everyone cheering for the red team - the Faculty of Medicine - appeared quite dismal and desperate. “Poor Gilbert...we will have to make sure and put in maximum effort tonight to cheer him up and distract him if he loses.” 

“I’m sure you can be diverting enough to pull Gilbert from the depths of defeat.” Cole nudged Anne as they giggled with each other and crossed their fingers in hopes of victory.

——

Victory eluded the Faculty of Medicine by only one point, won fair and square by the Applied Science team. Half of the crowd cheered so loudly that Anne had to cover her ears, while the other half grumbled something about the defense giving up too many goals. Anne, Cole, and Felix had all waited patiently outside of the men’s locker room for Gilbert, wondering what his mood would be when he finally emerged with the rest of his team. The water still clung to his curls and he smelled like soap when he walked up to Anne and smiled brightly, quickly kissing her on the cheek. He admitted it was the most exciting game of hockey he had ever played, being on a real rink for the first time instead of a frozen lake, and that he was proud of his teammates. 

Felix rolled his eyes and joked, “let’s get to the pub, I’m going to need at least three pints to drown out Gilbert’s incessant silver linings.”

The sidewalks were crowded with students whose laughter and witty banter drowned out the sorrows of those that had lost their games. As they squeezed into the pub, they were shoulder to shoulder with a rowdy bunch that was singing the U of T fight song at the top of their lungs. Felix leaned over to Anne and yelled over the off-key tune, “usually, females aren’t allowed into the pub - an archaic and uncivilized rule if you ask me. Too many men are worried about the effects of alcohol on the alleged  _ delicate sensibilities _ of women, I suppose. No need to worry, though, that rule will be enthusiastically broken tonight due to the festivities!”

Anne raised a challenging eyebrow at Felix as she leaned over the bar and asked for four pints. The bartender slammed the overflowing glasses down and moved onto the next patron as she immediately picked up the glass and began to drink. Felix and Cole stared at her unblinkingly as she drank the entire pint in one draft. Gilbert laughed out loud and shook his head in disbelief. Setting the glass down with a  _ thud, _ she delicately wiped the corners of her mouth and said, “come on boys, keep up!”

Cole was the first to grab his glass and clinked them against Gilbert’s and Felix’s in cheers as he said, “this is going to be an interesting night.”

After a few hours had passed, a crowd had gathered around one of the tables as Anne was handing out pirate jokes like a queen feeding her peasants, every coed in the pub anxiously awaiting her next joke as though it was a scrap of bread they needed to survive. 

“How do scholarly pirates know that they are pirates?” 

The crowd around her asked a slurred “how?” in unison.

“They think, therefore they ARRR!!” Anne yelled and then gulped every last drop of her whiskey as the crowd roared with laughter. She had been standing on a chair but was convinced the legs of it must be unstable as she swayed a bit, so she decided to hop off. Gilbert was there to offer his hand and help her down, planting a kiss on her tipsy-pink lips that elicited whistles and teases from all around them. As the crowd dispersed, the four friends sat down at the table and decided on one more round of whiskey before they headed out. 

“I am so glad I get to live in a world where there is whiskey!” Anne exclaimed as she sipped the fiery spirit that lit her spirit on fire. 

“And I’m so glad I get to live in a world where there are pirate jokes!” Cole had been laughing so hard during Anne’s comedic set that his cheeks were red and his eyes were bright.

Felix concurred with a hearty toast. “To Anne and her pirate jokes! May she always sail wherever her sense of humor takes her, and may her jokes never sink!”

The four friends clinked their glasses together and laughed as they sipped their drinks. The sudden appearance of a boy that instantly reminded Anne of Billy Andrews took her by surprise as he abruptly sat down next to her and bumped her arm, spilling her drink a little. 

“Hey doll, do you have any more of those jokes up your sleeve?” His speech was slurred and his eyes were greedy as he leaned in closer to Anne, waiting for her response. 

Feeling Gilbert tense next to her, she simply said, “I’m so sorry, my sleeves are completely lacking in jokes at the moment.” Anne had been around enough drunk men in her life to feel that she had no choice but to go along with their antics and hope that they grew weary and moved on to another target. “If you’ll excuse me, though, I’m currently enjoying time with my friends, but will ponder it while we drink and will certainly let you all know if I come up with any other jokes.”

“Ah, come on darling! Just be a peach and give the lads one more joke, won't you?” He started to reach for Anne’s arm as he leaned in even closer. 

Gilbert reached his hand out and put it on the boy’s shoulder, pushing him away as he stood up and inserted himself between Anne and the boy. “I think it’s best if you go find your friends.”

With each word running together, the boy tried to mock Gilbert by saying, “what are you supposed to be, her knight in shining armor?”

Not moving from his position between the boy and Anne, Gilbert shrugged as he tried to keep his cool and said, “you could say that...although, she is a formidable opponent who I believe could handle you completely on her own.”

Apparently not taking the hint, the boy’s greedy eyes slid back over to Anne and said, “oh, I’m sure she could.”

“I’m no longer asking  _ nicely _ ,” Gilbert said as he suddenly grabbed the boy’s collar and lifted him out of the seat, “but I can still be a hell of a lot more forceful if I need to.” Letting go of his collar, Gilbert let the boy back away and shuffle over to his friends with his tail between his legs. 

Felix glanced over at Cole with wide eyes and a shocked smile. “I’ve never seen Gilbert act like that! Who knew he had a dark side.”

Cole whispered back, “apparently he once beat up a bully in our class for talking bad about Anne. I didn’t see it, but I would have paid good money to be there when it happened.”

“And I would have brought the popcorn. Maybe I should go find that guy and antagonize him? See if I can rile Gilbert up to at least get one punch in, just for my entertainment?”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Cole nudged Felix as he tried to hide his laugh.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. But I do think our dear friend will need another pint before we leave here tonight.” Felix beckoned the barkeep for one last round to top them all off for the evening. 

Gilbert held Anne’s hand under the table after he sat back down, not wanting to let go of her and already dreading the next morning when she would be leaving him again until summer. She would occasionally squeeze his hand throughout the laughter they all shared - little reminders that kept their connection steadily flowing with electricity. Knowing looks and wistful glances would pass between them, causing them to occasionally lose track of the conversation while they still pretended to be interested in the world around them.

“Well, we have an early start tomorrow,” Anne said eventually. “I think I should head back to the hotel and retire for the evening.”

Cole nodded his head in agreement. “Yes, I think I’ll try and get to bed as well. Luckily the cot is by the warm fire and Gilbert’s snoring doesn’t keep me awake, so I should be able to catch a few hours of sleep before our journey back in the morning.” Felix snorted at Cole’s jab at Gilbert and draped his arm around his shoulder, the whiskey having washed away most of his normal restraints. 

“I'll go grab our coats." Felix trotted away and Anne leaned over Cole, not bothering to hide her cheeky smile.  


"You know Felix has a crush on you, right?

"What! No, he doesn't!"

"Now look who's being ridiculous..."

Felix strode back over with everyone's coats in hand and said, "come on, Cole. Let’s leave the lovebirds alone for their goodbyes.  I’m sure we can find another topic to debate on our walk back to the dorm - unless you’ve run out of theories on the impact of art on the modern world?”

As they stood up and began to shove their way across the pub, a new group immediately snatched up their abandoned table. Cole took the bait that Felix offered and replied, “I honestly have no idea how you could possibly still try to defend your stance that art must have a specific purpose!”

Felix winked knowingly at Anne as he dragged Cole away. She could hear Cole launch into his lofty rhetoric about art’s ability to exist beyond the confines of a museum’s wall. She laughed and waved goodbye at Felix as he nodded enthusiastically at Cole and teased him even more with a response along the lines of, “but what can actually be considered  _ art _ ?” 

Anne gladly accepted Gilbert’s offered hand as they walked slowly down the busy street, hoping to avoid their goodbyes as long as they possibly could. “Thank you for relieving me of that  _ annoyance _ earlier…”

Gilbert looked sideways at Anne and nervously said, “I thought you might be upset that I stepped in. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I despise it when someone doesn’t take no for an answer...especially where you are involved, it seems.” 

“I didn’t mind. I’ve dealt with enough drunk men to last me a lifetime; you are more than welcome to slay that dragon for me.” She pulled Gilbert down towards her and kissed his cheek sweetly, rousing his sense of chivalry and satiating his need to protect his Anne with an E.

Arriving at the hotel broke their good spirits, the dread of being apart from each other settling in as they reached Anne’s room. Without any words needing to be spoken between them, Gilbert held Anne’s cheeks in his hands and memorized her face. The way her eyes were as warm and blue as the Caribbean waters. The slight upturn of her nose, right on the tip, as if broadcasting that she was in constant defiance with the world. Each freckle that danced across her cheeks and hid under his hands. Her lips. Her perfectly pink lips that carried the words that took his breath away and made him laugh and challenged his thinking at every turn of their relationship. 

“Each time I leave you it gets harder and harder.”

“I know.” Anne sighed and looked down at her feet. “Will you come inside for just a moment? I don't want to say goodbye just yet.”

Gilbert considered her request for a moment before whispering, “sure.”

As the door closed behind them, Anne immediately wrapped herself in Gilbert’s arms. He tucked her head under his chin and ran his hands along her back, hoping to hold himself together, as well as Anne. Her tears fell onto his shirt and she refused to feel ashamed, letting the beauty of her sadness wash over her. 

“Please don't cry...I don't think I will manage if you cry.”

Anne looked up at Gilbert then and smiled delicately as she said, “these tears mean I’m  _ living _ ; they mean I have something and someone worth crying for. It’s a beautiful sadness to miss someone before they even leave the room.”

She stood on her tiptoes then and kissed Gilbert with an unspoken plea of wanting a distraction from her sorrow - her lips not needing to say the words, but only to show him. The salt from her tears mingled with the smokiness of the whiskey that remained on both of their lips. Heat from their kiss melted away the despair they had only just felt and left a longing in its wake. Keeping her eyes closed was the only way for Anne to keep from being too overwhelmed when Gilbert whispered in her ear in between kisses, making her blush at the things he said. He admitted things like how he dreamed of her almost every night, and that when she kissed him he felt like every cell in his body screamed for her. Without knowing what she was doing, Anne swept her tongue into his willingly open mouth and felt him tremble as a groan escaped from deep in his throat. He immediately responded with a deepened kiss that gave room for more exploration. Slowly. 

After their breath was long gone and their sanity soon to follow, Anne pulled back and looked into Gilbert's eyes. Their dark fire burned right through her and she knew she would never be the same again. In that moment, she had seen into the tree of knowledge and was confident in the truth she saw there. She had Gilbert’s love, she had his affection, and she had his desire. Completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this chapter give off dark academia vibes? That was definitely what I was feeling as I wrote it haha! Except for the pub scene - I had just seen the scene where Gilbert punched Billy a few days ago and was reminded that oh yeah, Gilbert is a tender-hearted badass! Hahaha
> 
> Did you know the University of Toronto actually is the largest academic library in Canada and is third in North America, behind only Harvard and Yale. And they really do play an inter-faculty hockey game every year - the first one was in 1899! That is where the inspiration for this entire visit came from, since I’m sure Gilbert would definitely play hockey. The Faculty of Medicine never won until 1923 haha so I had to keep it authentic! Sorry Gilbert...
> 
> The poem Anne reads is written by Thomas Chatteron, a brilliant English poet that committed suicide at the age of 17. He is highly controversial and many people believed he was lying about his writings, saying that he was plagiarizing which tortured him and led to his death. Extremely poor and fatherless, he started publishing works at the age of 11 by pretending that it was the lost work of a 15th-century poet! His works inspired the greats such as Shelley, Keats, Wordsworth, and Alfred de Vigny wrote a play about him.
> 
> If you are in the US I hope you have a good holiday week and take time to be thankful, even if it looks different this year! Take time to research the indigenous people’s land that you are currently living on (this is applicable to others not just in the US!) It is a fantastic way to honor them and learn about the people that were here before us. If you aren’t making a turkey this year since no one is coming over lol, look up a recipe that would honor them (I am making roasted root vegetables!) Diversify your social media and follow some indigenous accounts to educate yourself on their history and also what is currently going on *Heart* on Instagram I am always moved by the content of @indigenouspeoplesmovement @iiycfamily @mmiwhoismissing
> 
> I truly love you all for reading along with me!! Thank you!!!!


	20. Chapter 20

Before anyone had realized it, spring had come and gone. At first, tiny snowdrop buds popped out of the ice and flaunted their promise of warmer days ahead. Then the frozen fields began to soften, their soil no longer a hostile place for seeds to be planted and thrive. A velvet cloak of green finally began to cover everything from the tops of the trees all the way down to the footpaths leading from one neighbor’s house to the next. Avonlea had charmed it’s inhabitants while they all began to sow their crops, and Charlottetown had enchanted Anne’s vivid imagination - making her final examinations a difficult task to focus on while there were so many new flower friends outside waiting to meet her. She had told Diana on their way into their Geography exam that she would never undertake two years in one again if it meant she had to take tests about landscapes instead of going out and seeing them with her own eyes. 

After all the crushing examinations were complete, Anne felt like her mind had turned as wobbly as the custard in Mary’s famous trifle. She was thankful that they were over, but nervous to see the results of her efforts as she stood with everyone else out on the campus steps and waited for the results to be posted. Josie rolled her eyes as she held Anne’s elbow and kept her upright.

“I can’t do it, I just can’t!” Anne exclaimed as she held a hand over her racing heart. “What if I didn’t win the scholarship to Redmond? I haven’t posted for any teaching positions because I was so foolishly overconfident, and now I will surely pay the price for my vanity...Diana,” she looked at her other elbow that was being held up by her bosom friend. “Please don’t make me go look at the list, my morale will shatter in front of the entire school if I go up there and don’t see my name!”

Diana smiled warmly at her friend and nodded, “of course I’ll go look for you. I know my name won’t be at the top so I won’t mind finding yours first!”

“Oh, Diana, thank you!” Anne hugged her friend and added, “however, if your name did appear at the top, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit and I would be glad for it. Anyone but that wretched Emily...”

Ruby cut in and added, “that girl was always sweet-talking to the teachers and trying to get extra points when no one is looking.”

Pulling her heart-shaped necklace out from her collar, Diana held it up to Anne as she promised, “I will walk up and look at the list with no emotion crossing my face, one way or the other, so as to keep your morale intact.”

Anne smothered Diana with another dramatic hug and thanked her as she set off to discover Anne’s destiny. Jane said, “I have no idea why you think you won’t win the scholarship, everyone knows it will be you. You’ll never be married at this rate, Gilbert might have to find a girl in Toronto who is ready to give up her studies and happily become a modest wife.” She smiled wickedly, not knowing her joke tunneled deep into Anne’s fears and would settle there for quite some time. 

Still holding Anne upright, Josie spoke up and said, “oh stop it, Jane. Some of us believe an education is still more important than silly romance. Besides, Gilbert will wait until Anne is good and ready, if he knows what’s good for him.”

Anne smiled weakly at Josie’s efforts, believing her words to be true. But Jane’s comment had roused a lurking thought that had been trying to break the surface of her mind, one of baseless doubt and worry. If she did indeed win the scholarship and go off to finish her degree, it would mean three more years apart until she and Gilbert both would be free of school and ready to begin their life together. On the other hand, Anne couldn’t imagine giving up learning the wonders of the world simply for the sake of marriage, even if it was to Gilbert - the one who held her heart and always would. 

Diana was returning with her answer, with the decision that would either pull her further from the love of her life and closer to the love of knowledge, or leave her feeling slightly empty with no prospect of doing anything other than being a somewhat educated wife one day. 

“Anne...my dear Anne…” Diana slowly smiled and started bouncing on her toes. “You got it! The scholarship is yours! I knew you would do it, Anne, I just knew it!” 

The group of girls started jumping up and down, shouting as they threw decorum to the wind. Anne felt tears of joy slide down her cheek and basked in the relief she felt at the news. She wasn’t ready to give up on  _ herself _ just yet, only feeling like she had just begun to be  _ herself _ in the first place. 

Tilly threw her arms around Anne and held her tightly, her voice breaking as she said, “I’m going to miss you, funny and bright Anne.”

The girls all looked at each other solemnly, their joy turning to dread as they realized the permanence of their situations. They would no longer be on the same path, being forced to split apart like rose bushes that had grown close together. They would have to break their roots apart from one another and be transplanted to the new avenues of life they would embark on alone. 

“I will miss you, my light-hearted Tilly. And you too, fierce Jane. And my passionate Ruby. Of course, the ever-resilient Josie.” Anne held out her hand and took Diana’s as she said, “Diana - perfection incarnate - you will leave the biggest hole in my heart.” Quite a few more tears slid down her cheeks and Anne promptly wiped them away before saying, “no more! We mustn’t dwell on the dreary thought of our impending separation! We have a full summer together, girls, and I intend to make it count.”

——

Packing their bags at Blackmore was a confusing affair, all the girls simultaneously sad at the thought of leaving their first taste of adulthood and yet also excited to go back to the magic of Avonlea. Back  _ home _ .

Diana and Anne promised to see each other later in the week for tea as they parted ways at the train station. Matthew had come to pick up Anne himself, while her parents had only sent a driver for her. She waved goodbye at the Cuthberts who walked hand in hand and smiled tightly, adding a mark against herself for the minuscule amount of jealousy she felt. 

As the carriage bumped along the road, Diana thought to herself that Anne deserved every moment with Matthew and Marilla after a lifetime of loneliness. She had both parents at her side from the moment she took her first breath, and she should've been grateful. Her parents loved her, she knew that, but it wasn’t the same as what the Cuthberts had.

Or the Bernards.

A small rush of something different than jealousy ran through her veins at the thought of the Bernards, something more like longing. As she stared out the window of the carriage, she reminisced on the time she had spent with the family full of warmth and light. Their house was always full of the soothing sound of a violin’s strings and the delicious scent of baked treats; full of love that was palpable. Her parents' love was shown through financial support - although held on a leash - and encouragement to make a life better than even they had provided for her. She knew it was just their nature and couldn’t fault them for it, but still longed for the tight hugs and silly dancing found in a home like the Bernards. As the carriage came to a stop, she decided that no matter what her future held, she would make sure it would include a home full of warmth and comfort, not expensive vases and maids. She let herself think for only one moment that perhaps a certain Bernard could add that joy to her future imaginary home, but let that foolhardy thought fade as the driver opened the door to let her out. 

Minnie May surprised Diana with a crushing hug before she had even completely stepped down from the carriage and they almost fell over in a fit of laughter. She knew her little sister would also have a home full of joy and playfulness, never stifling herself the way Diana had for so many years. 

“You’re late. Was the train behind schedule? We were sick with worry, Diana. I hope you weren’t dawdling at the train station for too long.” Her mother’s lips were pursed but her eyes were shining, obvious to Diana that she was very happy to see her. 

“No, Mother, I didn’t dawdle. There was a delay in Charlottetown, sorry to cause you concern.” 

Mr. Barry wrapped his arm around her shoulders and began to lead her inside. “All that matters is that you’re here now, darling. Let’s go in and have the tea the servants prepared before it gets cold and your mother’s nerves suffer further from the inconvenience of it all.” He winked down at her and said, “it is lovely to have you home, my dear.”

The food at home was better than anything at Blackmore and Diana had two helpings, much to her mother’s chagrin. The family played a few rounds of cards together, enjoying being a family of four once again, before her father retired to his study and her mother went to bed. 

Minnie May refused to leave Diana’s side, grumbling that the night was too young and there were too many stories to hear about college before she could possibly go to bed.

“How many boys did you kiss?” Asked Minnie May as she braided Diana’s hair in the candlelight. 

“Minnie May! That is no concern of yours and very unladylike to ask!”

“Well, if I can’t ask my sister who am I supposed to ask! Come on, Diana, just tell me. Was it so many you’re embarrassed to tell me? How do you kiss a boy without your teeth getting in the way? Surely someone gets bitten accidentally, I just can’t imagine everyone coming out of a passionate kiss safely.”

“First of all, you are significantly too young for this conversation. Second of all, no I did not kiss  _ too many _ boys. I’ve only kissed two in my life-” Diana slapped her hand over her mouth as Minnie May’s eyes widened. 

“Two!” Minnie May shrieked. “Who were they? What was it like? All the girls at school are going to scream when I tell them...”

“No, Minnie May, you mustn’t tell a soul!” Diana threw her braid over her shoulder and turned around to look at her. The mischievous gleam that she saw in her sister’s eyes made Diana reluctantly smirk and relent. “The first boy was Moody Spurgeon, but it was only during a game and nothing romantic in nature.”

“And the second?” Minnie May asked as she turned around to let Diana take a turn braiding her hair. 

“It was...quite enjoyable. But not the right time, or place. In the end, I broke his heart and hurt him. It wasn’t fair to him, or kind of me, but that’s the truth of it.” Diana’s fingers fell into the rhythm of braiding her sister’s hair and let the silence linger for a moment. “I have since made amends with him, but I am not sure if things will ever be the same. He is very kind and we have kept in touch, but…”

“Do you love him?” Minnie May asked, always unaware of the audacity in her bold questions and how on target they usually were. 

Diana could only shrug, saying, “I doubt I know what true love is, Minnie May. I’m not very good at knowing exactly how I feel about things, like Anne does. Besides, he may not have any feelings for me other than friendship, and I must be okay with that.”

Still young and inexperienced, but always an astute judge, Minnie May let the topic drop but thought to herself that this would not be the last she heard of this unnamed boy who had kissed her sister. 

——

_ Tap tap… _

Diana’s eyes opened to a completely dark room. The candle had already lost its flame, although the wax that pooled there was still warm. She sat up and groaned quietly at the cramp in her arm from laying in such an odd position. Minnie May had fallen asleep in her room and taken up more than her half of the bed, causing Diana to lay awkwardly on the edge in order to keep from falling off the bed. 

_ Tap tap tap… _

It hadn’t been a dream, there really was a sound coming from her window. She slowly crept over to it, suddenly afraid of seeing one of Anne’s ghosts staring back at her through the glass. No specters or goblins were sighted in the garden, so Diana raised her window and let in the warm night air. She surveyed the rest of the garden and as her eyes swept along the fence line, she spotted an incandescently bright smile as Jerry waved up at her.

Diana’s mouth fell open in absolute shock. She would  _ never _ have imagined she would be seeing Jerry standing in the moonlight beckoning her to come down to meet him in her garden...and yet there he was. She made a motion with her arms at him to ask, “ _ what are you doing here _ ?”

He just smiled even wider and waved her down again, turning around to walk towards the edge of the Haunted Woods to wait for her there. 

Diana shut the window quietly and closed the curtains, resting her forehead against the window as she closed her eyes. Her mind was spinning, trying to decide what she should do. Turning around slowly she glanced at Minnie May asleep in her bed, her limbs chaotically sprawled in every direction as though she didn’t have a care in the world. The words the little girl had said through tears a year ago still rang through Diana’s mind... 

_ “It’s not fair! Why do you have to say things that aren’t true and pretend to be who everyone wants you to be all the time?” _

Diana bit her lip as she strode over to her wardrobe and took out a dress to throw on quickly. On her way out, she bent over and kissed a snoring Minnie May on the cheek and whispered, “I’ll tell you about this one day, dear sister. How  _ you _ have made me true to  _ myself _ .”

She didn’t notice the smile on Minnie May’s lips as she quietly slipped out the door.

——

Jerry waited for Diana under a tree, unsure if she had ignored him and went back to bed, or would be out to meet him shortly. He tried to keep the doubt at bay by nervously humming to himself and lightly tapping his fingers against the tree bark. 

The idea had come to him when Diana had written her last letter from Queens saying she would be home the following week. He knew he wanted to see her the moment she stepped foot in Avonlea, but didn’t want to cause any trouble by showing up during the day. He also knew it was very possible she would be reluctant to sneak out of her house to meet with him, but she had done it before with Anne so he hoped he held the same amount of Diana’s trust as Anne did. 

More importantly, he knew what he had in mind could scare her away forever and that would be the final straw in their relationship. 

A rustling sound made Jerry still, listening intently to see if it was an animal scurrying by or Diana. 

“Jerry?” Diana whispered as she blindly walked out of their front gate.

“Over here!” Jerry said, too loudly, which caused a giggle to escape from Diana.

A good sign of her response to his sudden appearance in her garden late at night, he thought.

“Shh! I don’t want to wake anyone in the house. What are you doing here, Jerry?”

A half-smile appeared on his lips as he shrugged and said, “I have something to show you. Will you come with me? It’s not too far of a walk.”

Without looking back, Diana held her chin high and said, “Lead the way.”

Not giving her a chance to think twice, Jerry grabbed her hand and picked up the hidden lantern he had lowered to a mere flicker. Once they were deeper in the woods he brightened the lantern and looked over at Diana. She looked like a doe bravely venturing through the trees, her eyes wide and her jaw set firmly. She turned her dark eyes to look down at their hands intertwined, and then up at him.

“Is this okay?”Jerry asked, gesturing to where he held her hand.

Diana simply nodded, afraid her voice might crack at the excitement she was trying to contain. She had not been on an adventure in so long and had desperately missed the adrenaline rush that currently bounced inside her with each step. Jerry squeezed her hand and another rush threatened to take her breath away.

“I am happy you are home. I’ve missed you.”

Diana was glad for the darkness to hide her blush as she responded, “I missed you too. I didn’t expect to see you so soon, but I think I was ready for a daring escape.” 

Jerry laughed out loud and Diana’s heart sang at the sound of it. “I wondered if you would just ignore me, but I should never have doubted your appetite for adventure.”

They finally came through to the other side, stepping out of the trees to see the Lake of Shining Waters glittering with the reflections of the stars that hung above it. Diana gasped as she looked around and saw the stars were not only in the sky above, and in the water below, but they had also spread across the land and were twinkling in the grass that surrounded the lake. It looked as though they had stepped inside a diamond, secretly wandered into Mother Nature’s own special jewel.

Jerry whispered in Diana’s ear, “ _ Lucioles _ ... _ je sais pas comment ça se dit en Anglais _ …” He knew the name of the insect, just not in English.

“Fireflies.” Diana took Jerry’s hand this time and led the way, drawn to the flickering lights that danced in front of them. 

As they strolled up to the edge of the water, the view became breathtaking. The entire world around them sparkled, lighting each of their faces up with not only light, but joy. Jerry tugged Diana along the shore to a spot he had prepared with a blanket laid out amongst the fireflies’ grass and his violin resting on top of it. He helped Diana sit down and then settled next to her, wondering how he had been so lucky that she hadn’t questioned him yet.

“I came to see you tonight because I didn’t want to wait until perhaps you came by my family’s home for a visit, or maybe I saw you from a window in the barn at Green Gables.” Jerry looked out at the lake instead of at Diana, unsure what to expect from her. 

“I am glad you did! This is one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe I’ve never been out here to witness it for myself before.”

The relief would have been visible on Jerry’s face if it was illuminated by more than just starlight and fireflies. “I was walking home after a long night spent with Mr. Cuthbert birthing a calf when I saw it for the first time. I thought I had gone crazy and was imagining it because I was so incredibly tired. It only happens this time of year, the in-between time of spring turning into summer.”

“I’m never going to miss it again. For the rest of my life, I want to come here every year and see this spectacular sight.” Diana couldn’t tear her eyes away from everything that shimmered in front of her.

“I have something for you.” Jerry reached for his violin and smoothly tucked it under his chin. A warm and pure tune began to pour from the strings and fill the night’s air. The sound immediately reverberated through Diana’s chest, causing her to put her hand over her heart to feel the rhythm. The sweet notes that were introduced at the beginning of the song suddenly began to diverge into something austere and low. She had not been so close to him when he played before, but this time she could feel each deep note as it moved through her. Just when the melody had almost taken a melancholic turn, her ears picked up the promise of a bright tune that began to weave its way back into the harmony; the hard notes fell away and were replaced by a soft, lilting melody again. When Jerry had finished, she was left with a feeling of satisfaction, as though she had just embarked on a difficult journey that had a happy ending. 

Diana took a deep breath, letting her heartbeat settle before she spoke. “That was incredible, Jerry. The violin seems to somehow...bend to your will. Was that Bach?” 

“No,” Jerry chuckled. “I wrote it. For us.”

“That was...you? For us? What do you mean?”

“The music books Mrs. Stacy gave me made a lot of sense once I figured out the difference between the treble clef and bass clef.” Jerry set his violin down inside its case and took out a few sheets of handwritten music. “It was like I was used to seeing the notes in the air my whole life and I just needed to learn how to catch them and write them down on the page. After a month of practicing playing what other men had written, I wanted to try and put down some of my family’s music so that I can have it forever, so it won’t be forgotten. One day, I had just finished reading a letter from you and this tune appeared inside me - so I decided to let it out. We started out so...warm, naive, but warm. And then everything was so cold for so long...” He handed her the sheet music and said, “but things have turned back to being warm again. So it’s for us. This is the violin part, I wondered if you would perhaps...add a piano piece to it? I think it needs both sides of the story to feel complete.”

Diana held the music in her hands. Their music. She tried to hold back the tears and hold onto her constant facade of propriety, but no one had ever done anything like this for her. Music - the only thing that kept her sane some days - that was created simply to be shared between the two of them. It was such an intimate gesture that she wasn’t sure what to say. “I’ve never written music before though, I don’t know if I can?”

“Just try. And if you can’t, then maybe we can write it together. If you’d let me help you?”

“That sounds…lovely. Thank you, Jerry. This is more special than anything I could have ever dreamed up.” She looked over at the fading fireflies and added, “all of it. You’re very thoughtful to have done all of this for me on my first night back in Avonlea.”

Jerry’s radiant smile made her forget the fireflies, though. The stars might as well have fallen away for all she cared because when he looked at her she could see nothing else. She hoped he would hold her hand again, maybe even perhaps kiss her knuckles like he had that one day at his family’s home. She wouldn’t allow herself to hope for a real kiss and felt it wasn’t right to make him kiss her if he didn’t want to. Even if she only got to hold his hand and hear his music for the rest of her life, she would be content. 

But Jerry had not led her there with intentions of simply holding her hand for the rest of his life. He knew how he felt, and felt it strongly. Never comfortable enough to express these feelings by trying to write the foreign words in a letter, he had kept everything to himself until he could see Diana again. He wanted to look into her eyes and know for sure that things were different this time, that she meant what she had said and she wouldn’t hurt him again. 

“Diana... _ this _ is what I want. I want to come here every year and see this with you. I want to create music and share it. I want to always be curious and never stop learning. I want to experience everything that I don’t even know is possible yet.” He finally held her hand in his and leaned in closer, causing a sharp inhale to escape Diana’s mouth. “You once said I deserved better than you, and I told you then that  _ all I wanted was you _ .” He ran his fingers along the raven braid that fell over her shoulder. “That has not changed and it never will. We have changed, and may still yet. But  _ you _ are what I want the most. Not riches, not prestige.  _ You _ .”

He kissed her then. Not gently, not delicately. He had already taken the risk of asking her to follow him into the night, and now he intended to boldly show her the true extent of what she meant to him. It had been a year since she had let him kiss her in the woods, and he knew she missed him as much as he had missed her. It was different now though, which surprised them both. Before, all they had was a physical element that pulled them together. A meeting of two atoms that were attracted to each other. After growing together while they had been apart, it became suddenly clear that everything was different this time. The missing component of intimacy, friendship, had finally been found. When Jerry’s rough calluses etched their way across Diana’s cheeks, it reminded her of the unwavering wildness in him that she cherished. As Diana’s delicate fingers confidently pushed their way up Jerry’s arm and around his neck, he smiled at the girl that everyone thought was soft, but he knew she was truly capable of commanding an army if she so desired. 

“It won’t be easy,” Diana mumbled into Jerry’s lips. She had thrown all thoughts of manners and decorum out the window long ago.

He shook his head and savored the sound of Diana’s gasp as their lips brushed against each other. “Nothing worth having is ever easy.” His mouth traveled across her jaw and found the crook of her neck, the spot he had imagined kissing for so long but never had the chance to before.

Breathless, Diana added, “I don’t know how or when I can tell my parents.”

“I am in no rush. I am yours, no matter how long it takes.” He nipped at her bottom lip before kissing her again for a good, long while. “How about next week?”

Diana snorted, “of course, I’ll let them know right after I tell them I got accepted at The Conservatory of Music in Halifax and no longer want to be a teacher. Might as well shock them thoroughly, all in one day, so Mother only has to faint once.”

Jerry was the only person she had told about applying at the Conservatory when she wrote to him a month before, she had even withheld it from Anne in mild embarrassment at what she thought was a self-indulgent dream. She never expected to actually be accepted and had to share her excitement with someone, so she wrote to him. 

Suddenly afraid he might get the wrong idea, Diana added, “I want Anne and Gilbert to know about us! And my Aunt Jo, and Cole. They will all be so supportive, I just know it. I am not ashamed of...anything. I just want to make sure and keep as much peace intact as humanly possible when I tell my parents.” Her hand was already resting on his chest, so she gathered his collar up in her small fist and pulled him closer, making sure her kiss proved that wanted the world to know - when the time was right. At least she had an answer to Minnie May’s earlier questions, she did in fact know what her feelings were and was now quite aware of his as well. 

Looking down at Diana, Jerry couldn’t believe she was real. The way her dark eyes reflected the bright stars as she blinked up at him. How her mouth slanted up into a permanent smile, ending in two perfect dimples. The first time he saw her, Jerry declared that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He still believed that, so he said as much. “ _ T'es toujours la plus belle fille que j'ai jamais vue _ .”

Diana raised one eyebrow, giving him a coy smile and responding that he was still just as bold. “ _ Et tu es toujours aussi audacieux _ .”

Offering her his boldest kiss yet, Diana delighted him with a sigh as a reward for his boldness. It was even better than music to his ears. “I want to hear you play, one day...” Jerry mused as Diana’s hand ran through his hair, making him lean into her touch.

She had snuck out to meet a boy, been thoroughly kissed, and had intentions of further shattering her parent's expectations about her education. One more foray into recklessness wouldn’t hurt. “Come with me.”

Diana almost dragged Jerry back through the Haunted Woods, laughing at the thought of any of Anne’s ghosts watching her sneak through the shadows with a boy. Hopefully, ghosts gossiped and would talk of her and Jerry’s late-night adventure for weeks to come. 

With one more kiss, she left Jerry standing outside as she quietly entered the house and moved stealthily through the front hall and into the parlor. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark, but she lit a single candle to set on the piano so she could see the keys properly. Walking over to the window, she raised it as high as she could and then smiled at the face across the garden. The face she had never dreamed would want her again, the one that brought so much joy to her life in just a few short months of knowing him better. 

She played without reserve, knowing her parents would wake and the servants would startle. But she didn’t hold back, she let the music flow out the window and into the night air. Her smile was wild with the intoxication of spontaneity, and Jerry decided that he liked seeing her play just as much as hearing her. He stood in the shadows of the garden and watched through the window, holding back his laughter as her parents came stumbling down the steps and shouting about her having lost her senses. He quickly took off for Green Gables, planning on sleeping in the barn with the animals that night so he wouldn’t wake the Cuthberts as he hummed the tune she had played, the tune that he figured would stick with him for quite some time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: the "season finale" will be posted next! :( Only one more chapter to go! Don't worry, I have almost completely mapped out a "season 6" and will start that after the holidays!! More details will follow!
> 
> Raise your hand if you're a Derry shipper and have been waiting for this moment?!?! I have been for SO LONG!!!!! So happy for them! Jerry is a romantic and Diana needs that in her life, am I right?
> 
> **Huge thank you to Nennvial for helping me translate Jerry and Diana’s French!!! ❤️


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of "season 4" ❤️

Bash could feel the muscles of his brow straining from being furrowed for far too long. He wiped the back of his hand across his face in an effort to smooth away the tightness his strict concentration had caused and immediately heard a suppressed giggle next to him. Looking over at Muriel to see what was so amusing, her eyes immediately danced away as she said, “you just smeared paint all over your face.” Barely holding back another laugh, she went back to her painting as Bash tried to find a clean cloth somewhere on the front porch where they sat, finally settling for one that had a few paintless spots to wipe his face with.

“I’d be surprised if I don’t end up findin’ paint in more places than just my face by the time this monstrosity is complete,” Bash joked as he waved his paintbrush at the painting in front of him and dripped yellow ochre all down his pant leg. 

Muriel bellowed this time, nodding her head in agreement and saying, “It seems so! Although it is no  _ ‘monstrosity _ ’ Bash, give yourself some credit. This is only your third try and you are doing wonderfully.” She scooped a glob of viridian green onto her brush and casually flung it down her own pant leg. “There. In solidarity.” 

Bash shook his head at her but flashed the relaxed smile that only seemed to appear when Muriel lured it from him. “You’re crazy, but I like it.”

He turned back to the painting he was trying to compose into something that at least resembled Delly’s favorite flower: a daisy. An entire bush of them had bloomed a month before and she had ignored every other flower in favor of ripping the petals off of those poor buds every time she toddled by. Muriel finally taught her to pick them a bit lower, leaving a small amount of stem left so at least she could put them in a vase.

Adding a few more strokes to the petals, Bash glanced over at Muriel again. She was biting her lower lip in concentration, her teeth holding her lip hostage until the greenery around her daisy looked exactly the way she wanted it to . A few stray waves were sneaking their way down her neck while the sun beamed down on her, catching the rose gold strands and lighting them in a way that even Bash’s untrained artist eye knew was beautiful. He wished he could paint her, but knew his skill would never be able to capture her essence properly on a canvas. The light she brought into his life at such a dark time. The contrast of her unique way of thinking compared to how he saw the world. The balance of her affection for Delly that had rounded out his own devotion so well. 

“What’s wrong?” Muriel asked as she noticed him staring. 

“Oh, uh...nothin’. Just, these petals are still givin’ me trouble is all.”

Muriel got up from her stool and stood behind him, peering over his shoulder at his attempt to follow all her instructions and paint a still life of the daisy that sat in a vase in front of them. Slowly bending over, she hovered in such close proximity to his cheek that he could feel the current that ran between them as she brought her arm around and pointed at the canvas. “See here? You need more shadows. Without the darkness the light doesn’t seem as vivid - as powerful. You need to embrace the dark so you can find the light.” She placed her hand over Bash’s and asked, “May I?”

Bash just nodded in agreement and gulped as she guided his hand across the canvas, each movement perfectly placing the shadows that his daisy needed to come to life. Her touch was gentle, showing him where to place the paint while still making him do the work. Her other hand found its way to his shoulder, helping her keep her balance as she stood close behind him. 

Muriel knew it was too close, she knew the trouble this situation could cause, but she didn’t particularly care. She was a teacher and Bash was her student at the moment. She would make sure his painting turned out as best as it could; if that meant they had to get close in order for that to happen, then societal rules be damned. It was all perfectly innocent.

Until Bash turned his head. The tip of his nose grazed her cheek ever so slightly. Muriel slowly faced him, not breathing for fear of breaking his resolve. He never allowed this little space between them, he never showed this much vulnerability.

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

Muriel wasn’t sure what he was thanking her for, so she just slowly let out the breath she held and nodded.

“For everythin’. For helpin’ me find the light. For…” his eyes left hers and fell to her lips, the eagerness no longer hidden beneath the mask of humor that he always was so adept at hiding behind.

“I hope I’m not interrupting…” Gilbert said loudly as he walked through the tall grass that led to his and Bash’s home. 

Muriel almost fell over as she stepped away quickly, knocking over the stool that she had abandoned to help Bash with his shadows. 

“Ah...when are you not interruptin’,  _ ya moke _ ? You’d think you lived here or somethin’!” Bash stood up, his mask of humor falling back in place as he skipped down the steps and welcomed Gilbert with an embrace and a pinch on the cheek. “You’re finally home! Look at you, Brother, almost grown-up, I tell you. A few more years at college you might even be able to grow a whisker or two!”

Gilbert laughed and gave him another hug before adding, “it’s good to see you too, Brother.” He picked up the bags he had dropped and started to head up the steps. “I see that Muriel has you embracing the arts now? Never thought I’d see the day.” He turned to Muriel who was still busying herself with the paint awkwardly so as not to seem suspicious. “How did you ever manage to convince him to pick up a paintbrush?”

“It was easy. When I was looking for a painting partner all I had to do was threaten to give Delly some paints and let her loose in the house and he stepped right up to be my _very_ willing student.” 

Bash laughed and took one of Gilbert’s heavy bags to head inside. “Can you imagine cleanin’ up that mess? Who wouldn’t have agreed!”

“Speaking of, where is my girl?” Gilbert asked. “I am almost afraid to see how much she has grown.”

Muriel pushed past them both as she wiped her paint-covered hands on her smock. “I’ll go get her. I’m sure she is awake from her nap by now.”

Bash felt like he was waiting for latrine duty to be assigned to him as he stood in silence, watching Gilbert begin to unpack his things in his room. He had done nothing wrong, yet he felt the weight of guilt press down on him for something that didn’t even happen. He wasn’t actually sure of what Gilbert saw - if anything - or what he supposed was happening.

“So...anything new since your last letter?” Gilbert asked as he placed a pile of folded shirts in his chest of drawers. 

“No, no…nothin’ new. Oh, except some of the blossoms on the apple trees are swollen at the bottom, so I guess your bees are doin’ a good job of pollinatin’ them.”

“Great! That’s good to hear. I’ll go check on the hives later and see if Elijah has been keeping them up to my standard.” Gilbert winked as he shoved his school-issued doctor’s bag under the bed.

“Muriel has been helpin’ him. Apparently, she kept bees for a while so she’s been able to keep him in line, I expect.” Bash wished he hadn’t mentioned her name, hoping he sounded as innocent as he  _ technically _ was. 

Gilbert had an entire bag full of nothing but books and was stacking them on his desk. He didn’t turn around to look at Bash as he said, “She’s here often then? Even more than before?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No! Of course not, Bash, this is your house. You can have anyone here as often as you like. It’s just…” Gilbert’s eyebrows drew together in frustration as he tried to find the right words.

“Listen, Gil, I don’t know what your thinkin’ in that pretty head of yours, but Muriel isn’t—”

“What about me?” Muriel asked as Delly squealed at the sight of her Dada and wobbled over to Bash.

“Look at her go! She is walking so well!” Gilbert went over to Delly, his conversation with Bash fading as she flashed him a toothy smile and waved ‘hello’ to him. “And so many teeth now!”

“Yes, we have all paid the price for those blasted teeth.” Bash let Delly grab his hand and start leading him back towards the kitchen. “You are lucky she isn’t gettin’ any more at the moment, so she’s in good spirits.”

Gilbert and Muriel followed behind as Delly babbled, “Delly berry? Delly berry?” over and over again in hopes of receiving a treat. 

Muriel handed the toddler a handful of the berries she was asking for, then went over to the oven and opened it to check on its contents. “I have a roast in since Hazel had to go with Elijah to the Bog. She said something about her elbow hurting lately and needing a specific leaf to make a special tea with for the pain.”

Gilbert nodded at her and filed that information for later, intending on asking Hazel about the leaf and seeing if he could take a look at her elbow for her. He gave Bash a knowing look as he said, “art lessons and dinner all in one day? Bash, you are a lucky guy.”

Bash felt his face get hot as he quickly responded, “we will all benefit from Muriel’s roast. Without Hazel here we would have been stuck eatin’ toast for dinner. Or God forbid you cooked, we would have just starved.”

“Hey! I have gotten better over the years! I can make stew now, at least.”

They had a pleasant dinner with plenty of laughter, mostly at Delly who said a firm, “No!” at every bite Bash offered her, but willingly took anything from Gilbert. Muriel left shortly after, saying she needed to get home and make sure her lesson plan was prepared for the following day. 

After Delly went to bed, Gilbert and Bash sat out on the front porch sharing a bottle of something Bash kept hidden from Elijah while they listened to the crickets sing their nighttime song. They were quiet, no words passing between them, just a bottle. Gilbert was the first to speak up, after carefully choosing his words.

“Bash, it’s none of my business what goes on between you and Muriel—”

“We’re just good friends, Gil. It’s nothin’ more.”

“I’m sure it’s not...yet. But I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything in life that you could ever dream of, you and Delly both. You’ve endured so much…” Gilbert trailed off and looked up at the stars, hoping to find the right words written there. “Whatever makes you happy -  _ whoever _ \- I want it for you. But if it could hurt you...if you’re not ready...if  _ Avonlea _ isn’t ready...then it worries me. You’re my brother and I have the right to worry for you, whether or not it’s my business.”

“I think I do enough worryin’ for the both of us.” Bash took another swig from the bottle and set it down on the old wooden planks beneath them. “I have... _ feelin’s _ for her, yes. I can be a man and say it. And I am very well aware of the dangers those feelin’s could bring down on both her and me.”

“Do you love her then?”

Bash thought about it for a moment and said, “I do love her, in a way. She has been with me since...well, it’s just not quite the same. She is such a wonderful person and Delly is so attached to her. We have fun together, she makes me laugh. She makes me a better person all around. But it’s not the same as with  _ Mary _ …” He almost choked on her name, speaking the truth that he hadn’t dared think, much less say out loud to anyone. 

Gilbert put his arm around him and quietly said, “I loved Mary. In a different way than you, of course, but I loved her. She was like my sister and no one will ever take her place. Nothing will ever be the same, but  _ different _ is still wonderful in its own way. My family is very different than it used to be, but I still love you all immensely. It’s just...different.”

“If things weren’t so  _ sensitive  _ with Muriel, I think I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“Well then, there’s your answer.” Gilbert nudged Bash who anxiously ran his hand over his face. “I’ll never stop worrying, but I’ll have your back no matter what. I won’t push you one way or the other, and I’m sure Muriel has her own thoughts on the subject.” He stood up and reached out a hand to help Bash up. “Wherever you go, I go. Whatever you need, I’m there for you. Just be careful.”

Bash knew he would need to talk to Muriel soon, about his feelings  _ and _ hers. About the obstacles and possibly the dangers that could lurk ahead for them. But for the rest of the evening Bash decided to ignore his own troubles and instead pester Gilbert about how difficult it was going to be for him to work back up his strength to keep up with his chores during the summer. 

——-

The red wax dripped onto the parchment but didn’t want to cool and harden, due to the summery temperatures that had snuck up on Avonlea. Testing her patience, Anne held the metal stamp utterly still on the scarlet glob, wanting it to look as perfect and professional as could be. She had taken her time to write a response to Everett Lewis, Prissy’s fiancé who had eventually gotten her article about Ka’kwet published. He sent her a few copies of  _ The Globe _ with her name typed in bold print under the title: “The Power of a Child” on the fourth page, along with a letter praising her efforts. She had never been more proud of any accomplishment in her life and wasn’t sure she would ever achieve anything greater. An investigation had been ordered on the school Ka’kwet was sent to; whether or not any good would come from it was yet to be seen. She didn’t expect much, having seen authorities fail her in her own life, time and time again. No, the fact that the general population was reading her words gave her more hope than anything. Hopefully, stubborn mindsets would be challenged and hearts would be softened.

She set down the mahogany writing kit that Matthew had given her as a graduation present and leaned back against the tree that was giving her shade. Closing her eyes for a moment, the sounds of the birds around her seemed to amplify. High-pitched twitters harmonized with lower chirps, creating a symphony around her. She opened her eyes and reached over to pick one of the wildflowers that kept her company while she wrote her letter. 

“He loves me, he loves me not…He loves me, he loves me not.” She plucked a petal each time she said it, smiling to herself as they fell in her lap. It was a meaningless ritual now, but she still enjoyed the game of it. A year before, she had consulted a different flower yearning to know her own heart - and Gilbert’s as well. He was so confusing then; the boy that had infuriated her to no end, had competed with her relentlessly, and had broken her heart and almost got away. But he was now the boy that  _ loved _ her. “He loves me, he loves me not…He loves me, he—”

“He loves you.” 

Anne squawked as Gilbert dropped down behind her, reaching around to peck her on the cheek. 

“You scared me!” Anne laughed as Gilbert took the half-plucked wildflower from her hand and tossed it away.

“There’s no need to ravage this poor flower to know the unwavering truth, Anne girl. You are utterly and completely loved.”

Anne let his words dance happily through the air around them. “ _ The universe works in mysterious ways _ ...” she quoted the fortune teller that may have had access to more mystical powers than she previously believed. 

Still behind her, Gilbert moved Anne’s crimson hair that he loved so much to the side and placed his lips on the back of Anne’s neck. He was as quiet as the rustling of the leaves around them as he quoted himself, “you are the keeper to the key of my heart, and always will be.  _ I love you _ .”

A shudder ran down from the spot his lips had spokes against her neck to the tips of her fingers. Those words sounded better than the first chirps of baby birds just hatching from their nest; better than the sound of the pages of a new book creaking open. Words had always been her friends, but these words were far better than any others that existed. She couldn’t believe she would get to hear them fall from Gilbert’s lips for the rest of time. 

She turned around to face him then, stared at his nice chin and his heartbreakingly beautiful eyes. “I love you too, Gilbert...” She couldn’t help but kiss him then, knowing he desperately wanted her to just by the look in his eye.   


“What are you doing here? Not that I’m not thrilled by your unexpected presence.” 

Gilbert stood up and held out his hand, saying, “I came to see if my exquisitely charming lady would like to go for a walk with me since it’s the first day of Summer, after all.”

After he helped her up, Anne dusted off the broken petals and agreed that it was a perfect day for a stroll with her love. 

They made their way through the fields and valleys of Avonlea, Anne pointing out the stunning flowers that caught her attention while Gilbert collected a few medicinal herbs to take home and dry. Weaving through the droopy willow branches of Willowmere as Gilbert held her hand and led her along felt like floating through a dream. He pulled her close behind until they slipped out into the field that Anne called Violet Vale. The spread of little purple flowers rolled over the hills in front of them, nearly covering the grass completely so that it looked more like a plush carpet in a queen’s chambers instead of simply just a hill in Avonlea. 

Playfully quarreling about whether it was more important to have a garden of useful herbs or romantical flowers helped pass the time as they strolled along the path to Blythe Orchard. Anne was saying they could compromise and have a diverse garden of both practicality and prettiness when they finally came upon the rows of apple trees near Gilbert’s house.

“See, a useful tree that feeds us with its delicious fruit, yet also bewitches both the bees and me with its beautiful blooms!” Anne tugged Gilbert down a row until they were completely surrounded by white petals floating through the air. “It reminds me of  _ The White Way of Delight _ …”

“The what?”

“Oh, just a name for the Avenue that I came up with the first time I came to Avonlea.” She sat down under one of the trees, completely hidden by its thick branches covered in blossoms. Gilbert sat next to her as she continued, “I was so broken then, looking for beauty anywhere I could. Avonlea was so perfect, though, I couldn’t even use my imagination to make it better.” She reached down and held his hand, linking her fingers with his. “I don’t have to search anymore, my  _ life _ is beautiful. I simply have to open my eyes every morning and the world around me is full of a beauty I don't have to dream up.” She took a deep breath to keep from being too overwhelmed, the happiness settling in her chest and making it ache in a delicious way.

Gilbert kissed his Anne with an E as the wind whirled around them, causing a storm of loose petals to fall from the tree above, and in that moment he was as happy as the wind carrying those blossoms.

——

“Shh! You’re going to frighten the spirits away!” Ruby admonished Jane as she giggled loudly in the open field they were traipsing through. “Anne, tell her that she is being too loud!”

“Anne will do no such thing because she is just as loud as I am!” Jane stuck out her tongue and almost dropped some of the heavy wood she was carrying. The blinding sun was creeping towards its favorite friend, the horizon, in front of them as they all followed Anne.

“Wait,” said Tilly, “I thought we were hunting fairies? Not spirits.” 

Anne corrected her. “We aren’t hunting anything! I mean, other than our own innate feminine power and free will…” 

Anne came to a halt at the ritual spot she had chosen and Jane immediately dropped the wood she was carrying. “Josie should have to build the fire since she didn’t have to lug heavy supplies this entire time.”

Josie rolled her eyes and held up the flower crowns she was holding. “Maybe if you were more refined like I am, then Anne would have given you the job of carrying these delicate things instead of firewood?” 

Diana had heard enough of their squabbling so she jokingly threatened, “if both of you don’t stop then I’m going to dump this paint over your hair! Let’s see you try to wash that out!”

Anne cut in and said, “don’t waste it on them! We need it for our ritual!”

“What exactly are we going to be painting?” Ruby asked. “We have never done this before in any of your other rituals and I don’t see any canvases.”

They began to assemble the logs into a neat pile. Anne started her explanation while she struck a flint, each of the girls crowded around her and eagerly awaited to hear what she had to offer. “This, the first day of summer, is a magical day where there is more light in the world than any other day of the year. After this day, there will be a shift not only in the light but in each of our lives. We are all on our own path following our own light, but this evening we take time to reconnect to ourselves and also to each other.” A small spark turned into a small flame and the group of friends cried out in joy. Anne blew into the burgeoning fire before she continued, “Shakespeare was inspired by the magic of Midsummer. The Chinese celebrate  _ Li _ , the  Sun Goddess of Light . Ancient Druids specifically built Stonehenge to allow the sun to rise perfectly between the stones on Summer Solstice.” She bent down and picked up the paints that Diana had been entrusted to carry. “The Sioux natives decorate themselves in colors of red and yellow to perform the Sun Dance around a blazing fire. We honor all of them with our ritual tonight, creating our own special tradition to celebrate being the tenacious women of Avonlea.”

Anne started by using the most perfect shade of ‘ _ Diana Blue _ ’ that she had ever seen to paint lines down her bosom friend’s arms. Ruby gasped and Josie's eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

“You can’t honestly believe I’m going to let you paint me!” Jane said as she crossed her arms.

“I’ll go next!” Ruby said as she rushed over to Diana’s side. Jane gawked at her and she shrugged, saying, “what? If Anne says it’s magical then she’s probably right, and it’s best to just go along with it!”

Each girl then took turns painting, choosing a color to add to each of their friend's arms and cheeks. The paint was cool on their summer-warmed skin and felt slippery as it marked them as the ‘ _ tenacious women of Avonlea _ ’. Josie decided to do circles instead of lines and Anne added a yellow sun to everyone’s rainbow of colors that decorated them. Their giggles couldn’t be contained as they took in the sight of their group, painted girls circling a fire as the sun set behind them. 

Anne handed each of them a flower crown, the paint from her fingers muddling with the natural colors of the blooms that now rested on their heads. “From this night forth, we shall carry the light with us. The nights may be long, but let there be nothing between us and our own light. Our eternal summer shall not fade.”

They danced around the fire until their bare feet were sore and laughed until their ribs hurt. Their journey had been intertwined for a time, but now each girl was destined for her own path. Some would marry, some would continue with school, some would even begin a career. Happiness would find them, but so would sorrow. In that moment, though, they let their bond strengthen as they allowed themselves to just be girls - young girls with not a care in the world.

When it was dark, Diana sat down next to Anne who was roasting a sticky peach over the fire while the other girls played a game similar to Red Rover that Tilly had made up. Anne handed her a slice of the warmed peach and they both slurped at the juices that dripped down their hands.

“Anne...I have some good news.” Diana’s nervous words were almost a whisper.

“Really? That’s exciting! Did you finally finish Jerry’s music that you’ve been secretly working on?”

“What! How do you know I've been working on it!”

Anne smirked as she said, “Minnie May considers me a friend too, you know. She spared not one single moan or groan as she bellyached about you playing the same three notes over and over again trying to get it  _ just right _ .” 

Giving an exasperated sigh at Minnie May’s betrayal, Diana said, “it’s not a secret! I just don’t want anyone to hear it until it is... _ just right _ .” She let out a miserable laugh and added, “Oh my, I am predictable.”

“No, my dear, you are reliable.” Anne patted her arm with a sticky hand and continued to eat her roasted peach.

“Reliable...yes, I’ve always been the  _ reliable _ one.” She had withheld the information of being accepted at a music college, unsure if her parent’s hearts would give out the moment she mentioned it to them or if she would even be brave enough to actually attend. Not telling Anne had felt like a rock on her shoulder, the weight of it pulling her down until she felt the guilt would surely make her sink if she accidentally fell into the pond. “I got accepted at The Conservatory of Music in Halifax and I am thinking of attending this fall, instead of continuing my education to become a teacher.”

Anne stopped licking her fingers and looked up in surprise. “You did? When did you apply? Wait... _ why _ did you apply?”

Diana groaned as she stared into the fire that crackled in front of them. “I applied while we were still at Queens on a complete whim, I honestly don’t know what came over me that day but I just did it and didn’t expect anything to happen but it did! I didn’t tell you because I would never have believed they would accept me and now I-”

“Okay! Slow down!” Anne laughed and shook her head in disbelief. “This is wonderful! Diana, I knew you were meant to be a musician from the moment I heard you play! Aunt Jo believes so, as well, she told me as much. And so does Cole. That’s three people who may not know much about music, but we do know about following one’s dreams! Can you even imagine all the possibilities that lay before you now? Oh, Diana, it is going to be marvelous watching you discover your true purpose in life!”

“So...you aren’t upset I kept this from you?” Diana asked apprehensively. 

“Why should I be? I wish I could have celebrated with you sooner, but I’m not as soft as I once was. I’ve become quite resilient, don’t you know?” She smoothly flipped her red hair over her shoulder and laughed at her own show of resolve.

Diana took Anne’s hand in hers and held out her pinky, “let’s promise, that no matter where we end up we will always still be best friends; that no amount of land between us, or boys, or grand opportunities can separate us?”

Anne wrapped her pinky around Diana’s and smiled warmly as she said, “my dearest, Diana. Our friendship has already withstood the greatest trials, and yet still held fast. We are kindred spirits, bosom friends. That formidable connection cannot be so easily broken by distance, and especially not by  _ boys _ …” 

Their buoyant laughter swirled around them and wove itself together with the magic of the evening. No girl there would forget that night; no matter how dark things became in their future - as we all fall into the shadows at times - they would remember they had already found their light and only needed to recall it. The magic of friendship and absurd youthful merriment would forever keep their bond intact. 

——

Staring out the open window of her room at Green Gables created a sense of slowly simmering excitement in Anne. Her creamy skin scattered with freckles glowed in the moonlight that peeked through Snow Queen’s white blossoms. Her scarlet locks were tied up to keep the back of her neck cool in the summer night’s air. As she glanced down at the blank page in front of her, she began to write:

_ Dear Anne, _

_ You have come quite far since being nothing but a knobby-kneed red-headed orphan. You should be proud of the obstacles you have traversed - sometimes with grace, sometimes with hardship. Always with perseverance.  _

_ All the beyond is yours. Take what you want from it and don’t let go. The possibilities are already planted in the oncoming years, each one a seed of a promise ready to bloom just for you.  _

_ You are loved. _

_ You are  _ finally  _ loved. _

_ You have a family; you will always belong to them, and they to you. You have friends that would follow you to the ends of the earth just for the adventure of it all. You have a dress made of dark green velvet and a lace coverlet for your bed. You are safe. You always have food to eat and Mary's recipes to recreate. Your words have already and will forever change the lives of many who read them, hear them, feel them.  _

_ You have a remarkable boy that truly, deeply loves you. All of you. He wants to marry you one day and you just might let him.  
_

_ Never abandon your imagination. For that is what your core is made of - not flesh and bone, but ideas and dreams. _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Anne Shirley-Cuthbert _

Placing the cap back on her fountain pen, Anne smiled as she sat it on her dresser in the same spot that Gilbert had placed it when he returned it to her all those months ago. She folded the paper once, twice, then gently tucked it into an envelope. Sealing her promises to herself with a blob of red wax, she smiled as she watched the wax slowly drip in the sacred rhythm of hopefulness. 

Anne blew out the only candle that was still lit in her room and quietly crept over to her bed. As she climbed into her familiar bed in her familiar room, she couldn’t help but let out a loud giggle. It seemed impossible that she was ever unhappy, ever unloved. She easily let the warm feeling of acceptance rush over her and enjoyed the familiar sensation. Anne tried to think of a new word that would best fit her future as sleep nipped at the edges of her mind. 

“Doesn’t matter…” she mumbled to herself, already half asleep. “Whatever it is, I won’t be alone.”

And with that, Anne drifted off to a dream that was no better than her own exquisite reality. 

\--THE END --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. I can't believe it! When I say I wept after typing "the end"...I can't even begin to thank you all enough for reading along with me. This started as a way to cope with no season 4 when I was stuck home during quarantine in early 2020. And how here we are. So much has changed since then and this story has helped me deal with it all along the way! I have made wonderful friends across the world and will be forever grateful to Anne for bringing me so much joy. I love each and every one of you for going on this journey with me and for all your kind words and encouragement! 
> 
> Sorry for Bash and Muriel not making a final move, but I'm a big believer in needing time to heal. And a slow burn lol. Gilbert and Anne make me the fuzzy warm kind of happy and I have always wanted to see them wandering through the apple tree blossoms together :) and what better way to end "season 4" with deep friendship, self-love, and magical girl power. I love the romance of it all, but at the core, that's what I think E.L. Montgomery meant for Anne to promote in this world. 
> 
> I mirrored my very first chapter of this series in Anne's final letter to herself, but if you've been reading along with me since I started posting you might not have caught that lol. And I kind of quoted book Anne again, so I'll leave you with her words: 
> 
> "All the Beyond was hers with its possibilities lurking rosily in the oncoming years—each year a rose of promise to be woven into an immortal chaplet."
> 
> ~B


End file.
